Is it cheating / or not right...?

Question

My girlfriend has many guy friends that she hangs out with, she has known them all since before we started dating which is OK. 

 My potential problem comes with the fact that we hardly ever hang out with them together, as in with me there.  She seems to make arrangements to hang out with them when I either can't be there, or plans a "girls night", goes out with the girls but then happens to meet up with her guy friends while out. 

One such friend is a VIP host at a club and arranged for her and her friends to go out, and get a table and bottle service for free, however he wanted only girls there.  

To include all information, I have seen texts a various times on accident that were between her and her guy friends where she was clearly planning to meet up with them while the girls were out, or when she knew I wouldn't be there for whatever reason, instead of running into them as she claims.  Which has made me somewhat paranoid, and I will admit from time to time I do check to see if there are texts from certain people on her phone.  She knows this because I have confronted her a couple times about this so she now deletes texts from her phone.

Sometimes the texts have a flirtatious tone and contain winks and stuff like that also. 

All in all I don't think she is physically cheating, but I don't feel like it is right for her to be text flirting, or hiding that she is hanging out with people.  I kinda feel like she likes the attention that she is getting from these guys, but since it is of somewhat physical attraction nature she shouldn't be acting that way...

mmm · Accepted Answer

she is hiding things from you and that is such a bad bad sign - sounds like she goes out all the time and is not ready for a commited relationship

phattybiggums · Answer

She might not be physically cheating but she is crossing the line a little bit.  Just start going out and doing your own thing when she can't be around.  I know you might not want to do that but you have to give her a taste of her own medicine to let her know how it feels.  You can tell her all day but she will not really grasp it until her feelings get tapped a little.  You don't have to do anything drastic but do something to make the playing fields even and you not feel like such an outcast.

qweerwqer · Answer

ya. I would be pretty upset if my gf did that to me. First off she shouldnt be deleting messages from her phone so u cant read them. This means she knows what she doing is wrong and doesnt care. Also, she shouldnt be clubbing or hitting the bars if she is in a serious relationship. people only go to those places for one thing. If she says something about liking to dance, take her to a place that is more classy. Otherwise she goes for the attention. Just verbally state the rules if she doesnt agree with them or u cant come to a compromise ditch her.

Help me!! · Answer

She is wrong. Many people say that texting or flirting is not cheating but to me it is. When I was dating my husband Ive found many flirty texts from and to women and I forgave him because he said that wasnt anything phisically going on. Now we have been married for 6 months and ive found out he have cheated on me a lot. What I mean is
: one thing leads to another. He started with the texting, and look wher I am now. Shes is enjoying a single girl lifestyle and I wouldnt trust this woman if u think about a serious relationship with her. Get out of it while u can.

meee agaaan · Answer

Listen to your instincts.  Looks like her actions are leading to a place your not very familiar with...jealousy.  She shouldn't be flirting...and accepting texts like the one's u described are just as bad.  Have u looked at her text outbox?
It is very suspicious to me that she isn't taking u out with her.  Personally I would have a problem if any guy (outside of her family and mine) were to buy her drinks in my absence. The fact that she accepted and didnt fight for you to go with her is definitely cruel. 
However if you guys are a new couple i would just ignore it.  She might have reservations about introducing u to her friends because that time hasnt come yet

i_ate_sponge_bob · Answer

It sounds like she is a complete attention seeker, do you know for sure that her guy friends know about you? Or it could be she flirts to use them (such as the night out at the club).

Mo Science · Answer

I have dated this kind of girl before and I have guy friends who have gone through the same thing. You're only going to upset yourself by trying to get her to change. That's the way she is, and that's that. If you don't like it, I say get out. She does not know how to show you the respect you deserve, nor does she care to try. Girls like that aren't worth dating. Just bang them then leave. That's all they're good for.

Janet W · Answer

If you are dating someone that you have to worry about it's probably best to date someone with more traditional, committed, relationship values.  Sounds like she in more interested in having fun and being single.  She probably isn't physical with these guys but the fact that she doesn't include you is probably not a good thing.

Why did you ask this question in marriage and divorce?

jess · Answer

The fact that she is trying to hide the fact that she is meeting up with another guy should be enough for you to put your foot down dont let her run you over.You need to stand your grounds and let her know that you are uncomfortable with the way she is acting.If she loves you she should understand.Good luck

? · Answer

When you really love someone and want to be with them you want to spend most of your time with them and include them in your life. 

It's ok to have your own time with friends and things like that but its not ok to make it a secret and suspicious. 

A relationship that is has suspicion and no trust isn't a positive one.

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Is it cheating / or not right...?

16 Answers