How to deal with future mother in law?

See I am the exact opposite... just to piss her off even more... I would go and KILL her with kindness... it's not kissing her a**... it's killing her with kindness to ANNOY the hell out of her. Be nice to her... but don't lead on like your a dumb a** who doesn't realize the vibes she is giving you... be nice... but make it known you are acknowledging what she is doing but you refuse to be fazed by it. Because if you stop going to family events and push your self farther and farther away from his family... she will have won... because I am sure that is EXACTLY what she is trying to do.

Sounds to me like she has a bad case of "No one will ever be good enough for my one and only son"

BAHAHAHAHA OMG... you should go to the bday dinner... kill her with kindness... and buy her something absolutely hideous!!! bahahaha

Please read your own post. I am, as you asked, not being judgemental, but you are complaining that your future MIL is 'two-faced' and yet you admit that you "didn't like her food but tell her it's great" and that shows that you are actually being less than honest yourself, like "the pot calling the kettle black". You took the second hand gossip from your friend that she was "glaring" at you although you didn't see it yourself. Have you considered that you've told your friends that you don't like her and they are exaggerating things just to show you that they are "on your side". there shouldn't be any sides, actually, and, as the old saying goes, "To have a friend, you must be a friend". Gossiping about your MIL to your friends and family is not the way to become a good DIL or part of his family circle. Try this experiment for the next three months: if someone says anything negative about her, say "Oh, that's all water under the bridge now. Everything is fine." Then change the subject. If she asks you if you like a certain dish, say "You know, it's not something I'd eat as a rule, but you obviously make it very well because everyone else is enjoying it. Then comment on something that is truthful such as "Your china is so pretty." or "Bob always talks about your ..., can you show me how you make it one day?" That is not kssing ***, it is acting like a mature, intelligent woman. You will be a mother one day, and then a mother-in-law so start learning how to be a good example. It NEVER hurts to be respectful, honest and kind. This woman raised your husband , whom you love dearly, so she must have some wonderful qualities that you might be overlooking. Please try.

Go shopping with your fiance for her birthday present, and make sure you both sign the card. You are becoming a part of her family, and you don't want her to think that she can come between you and her son. Before you go, you and your fiance should come up with a "plan" to leave early if it's too tense. Mention casually that he has to get up early the next morning. Make small talk, and make a point to talk about yourself - something you're doing at work, or maybe something new with your family.

If you find yourself running out of things to say to her, ask her questions. What was your fiance like when he was a little kid? How did she and your future father-in-law meet? What was their wedding like? Maybe it will help her like you if you show an interest in her?

Some mother's never want to let go of their little boys and nobody will be good enough. Undermining any relationships becomes a way of life.

It's nice that your boyfriend sees these things and understands where you are coming from. However, your fiancee needs to understand that this is a damaging game that she's playing with his life (and yours) and if he ever wants to be independent of her and have his own healthy relationships free of her constant sabotauging them out of selfishness, then he needs to let her know that it won't be tolerated.

So, in other words, it's not enough that he understands why you won't go to her birthday party. He needs to stand by you and not go either. And let her know why. He needs to let her know in a very real way that if he has to make a choice who he's going to stand with because of her nasty games, then she's the one who's going to lose.

I recommend the both of you taking a stand on this now, because first she'll ruin your wedding if you let this go. And then it'll only get worse later. And one aspect of it is that although your fiancee understands now, he may come to resent you when your resistance to spending time with his family later continues. She'll use it against you and he may buy her crap and blame you for it all. Like, I'm sure she's the misunderstood, innocent one in all of this, right? Well, it won't change if HE doesn't take a stand.

She needs to understand, by his absence at her birthday party, that she won't just be getting rid of an unwanted daughter-in-law, she'll be losing a son as well. And that is not her goal. She wants her baby all to herself.

Good luck.

This is very long and I kept getting confused by all the "She" and "he" and Fiancee (Fiancee is a girl).

I think that a smart thing would be to get into couple's counseling right now. This way you can set up boundaries that your Fiance will respect after you get married. It may be dealing with her now and continuing to be the bigger person, and then distancing yourself after the marriage, but FI needs to know that and accept it. The last thing you want is to spring it on him after the marriage and put him in the middle of a pi99ing contest between his wife & his mom.

This isn't really a decision that you should be making alone, or alone with strangers on the Internet. It's one that you need to make with the help and understanding of your Fiance. A counselor can help you two deal with it in an adult and mature manner.

Your story so resembles my own that I teared up from reading it, bringing back so many memories for me. I have been married over 10 years now. This is what has happened since: I tried to kill her with kindness despite the history before we got married and it never worked. She never showed interest in me as a person yet accused me, to my husband, of not liking her. The truth is that I just gave up. Today we have kids and I have no relationship with her at all. He goes to visit her without me. She doesn't care since she never liked me anyway and I am less stressed because I don't have to deal with her. I see her on major holidays, am polite, but we are not friends. Everyone seems to be happy with the arrangement.

You need to do what you have to do to live your life stress free! You shouldn't have to deal with all of this just to marry someone you love. Hopefully you have his support on this. Good Luck.

Jeez, girl, you better get a thicker skin and more patience. I know what she's doing is annoying (been there), but you're going to be dealing with this woman for YEARS hopefully (since you want a long marriage, right?). She may have acted rudely at the parties, but she did nothing to be outright offensive to you or anything overtly hostile. She just acted rudely. Sounds like she's made a game out of trying to be rude and annoying to you. Just goes to show her maturity level.

She doesn't like you. Big deal. She probably wouldn't like anyone who dated or married her son, so don't take it too personally. Some mother in laws are like that. If I were you, I would NOT distance yourself from her or his family. This will only cause tension and strain between you and your future husband. And your mother in law will love that, believe me. She'll use it to her distinct advantage.

Please listen to experience: Go to her house when invited or at holidays or whenever your fiance/husband goes there. Kill her with kindness always unless she says something directly to you that's rude or inappropriate. In which case, respond by sticking up for yourself but in a civil and polite manner. Believe me, that will throw her off her game. For the sake of your relationship with your future husband, you need to try to get along with this woman, even if it's only a civil tolerance of each other. If she were being confrontational or hostile with you, I'd say get in her face and tell her off. But she's not doing that. She's simply sulking and pouting when you're around and trying to annoy you apparently.

Complaining too much about something as trivial as "she's glaring at me," or "she's not talking to me at the party," will only aggravate your fiance/husband eventually and it'll get old for him to be constantly torn in two different directions over such things.

Of course you should stick up for yourself if she's outright hostile or does something inappropriate. But you need to pick and choose your battles carefully. As I said, it's only your relationship with your fiance that will suffer. And sometimes, it's better (and more fun) to continually be nice to a hateful person because it really annoys them.

He is your fiancé and you are his fiancée. Grammatical technicality. Anyhoo ...

This woman will officially be your family once the knot is tied. She is the mother of your future husband and be the grandmother to your future children. I think it's best you talk to her and try to make nice. Tell her there has been some tension and you would like to put all of that aside and start anew because of the things mentioned above.

this isnt school we are not here to be graded and told about our typos -anywho!

listen - you gotta put ur foot down now and let know you here, and your in it for the long haul (if you are)

if you let her have this hold over you which is kind of what it is - cause your distancing yourself - shes gonna be your family now - she will always be his mom -

let her know you love her son very much - you want to have a wonderful marriage and make him as happy as he has made you thus far and this is why your marrying him - play it up - let her know her son is amazing - and then end it with a lil comment saying because he was raised by such wonderful parents -

let you know u feel the animosity from her - and it hurts you and you want her to be apart of your life with her son

lay it all out now - cause if she thinks she can act like this and thinks its under the radar - shes only going to get worse

good luck - and congratulations!!!