Wonder if i will recover?

You need to understand that cheating has NOTHING to do with the spouse so don't go loading yourself up with guilt and emotional issues that are not yours to carry.

Place the blame squarely on your spouse's shoulders and leave it there. If you had known you still couldn't have changed anything because where there is a will to cheat, they will always find a way. Don't ever expect her to change because it's not going to happen.

You can do nothing to keep the family circle intact. It has been broken for too long so pick up the pieces THAT BELONG TO YOU and go make a new life for yourself without that cheater.

If you remove yourself from the scene you will not be in the middle of the battle and can find time and space to heal. You have to make a firm decision which may be painful to do, but follow through with it and you will begin to recover.

The first thing you need to realise is that your spouse cheating is not a reflection on you in any way. When people do these things it is about themselves and a need to overcome personal insecurities.

The second thing is not to beat yourself up for not realising. You are a trusting person who believed in your spouse. That is not a bad thing. In fact, that is what marriage is about. Many, many people have affairs and many, many partners don't see that this is happening.

You say these affairs were seven years ago. Why has she told you about this now? Was there something that caused her to tell you?

If you really want to keep your family together you will need to do a LOT of work on rebuilding trust. It means you will have to truly forgive your spouse, because if you keep bringing it up your relationship will end anyway. It would be a good idea to get relationship counselling.

If you really can't keep the relationship going, and it will be hard to do when trust is lost, then make sure that no matter what happens if you have any children you stay as friendly and understanding as possible with her so they do not suffer. Bitterness and ugly words don't help anyone at all.

Yes, you will get over the pain of this. You are a strong person and you know to ask for help when you are hurting...those are always the people who get over things and become even stronger because they draw on the support that is out there.

Good luck with everything.

First, why do people cheat?

For most, they do not do it for the sex. They do it for the affirmation! They have lost sight of who they are as an individual and NEED that reminder that they are, in fact, still a good person.

This is where YOU failed her.

As she received no affirmation from you, she hit the road in search for it.

And men will give love for sex - women will give sex for love. The genders do not really know how to do the other thing, so they parrot what they see to get what they want.

Affairs are all started and built on a lie which is why they can't last and really cause more harm than good. But, for your wife to do three - know that she could never find what she was looking for. It is only in the guilt and shame of that that she is still very, very wounded. And now you are too.

What to do?

First, go to divorcecare. Google it up and go. It's not about getting a divorce but about working through the tremendous pain from wrecked relationships. You will find huge healing in this 13 week program.

Second, pick up "Captivating" (Stasi Eldredge) and work through the book seeing your wife through new eyes. The way that she has ALWAYS wanted to be seen. This is where you failed her.

All women want to be the beauty! This is why you chose her in the first place and why she accepted you. It is the normal course of marriage to take the other for granted, or even reject the other.....in this effort of "spousal abuse", your wife lost her identity as the beauty. She went in search for that because you would not affirm it in her.

You both have a lot of work to do to set this right. But most of all - YOU.

If you still want to live with her because of family obligations then both of you should consider counselling and therapy. Moreover is she really remorseful and apologetic about her actions ? Please make sure you both want the same things in this marriage and that is to stay together. If she has some other motives, she will continue with her behaviour and it would be better to let go off the relationship for your mental and physical health. It is not considered healthy & safe to have multiple sexual partners and moreover its torture for your brain that your partner has been perpetually cheating on you. Sit with her and have a frank discussion before deciding on your next course of action. All the best pal..

You have to heal first and then, the change in you begins. What happened to you is terrible but the more anger and bitterness you allow yourself to feel, the longer it will take for you to be happy again. Don't look back, move forward, even if you have a bitter taste in your mouth. Surround yourself with good friends or family members, go out, breathe again. Don't date right away, as you are not over your past as of yet. Take it simply "one day at a time" and repeat yourself, that "you will never let yourself be in this position again". Good luck !

Your spouse has multiple affairs...there is NO family circle to keep in tact. There is no trust and how can you be with someone you don't trust?

Will you still love and want to be with her when she brings home a forever STD? You are putting your life in the hands of someone you don't trust? It will be hard but in my opinion the best thing you can do is dump this loser.

Perhaps you could use a good therapist for now, then both of you get into therapy as a couple, to find out if marriage is worth saving, wife can change her ways, and you can move on as a couple again or go your separate ways.

u cant figure this now, take a break from her now and move for a while take ur time to think.if u find it in ur heart and u can forgive her , take ur time to heal first then talk to her. try to understand why did she do it 3 times she must miss something really important with u that's why she looked for side outside ur marriage. i believe people cheat for a reason and i'm sure u did something

Is a process my friend..its a process

http://www.learntotrustagain.blogspot.com/