A question for people who were adopted at birth?

Thank you for showing that there are adoptees who are perfectly content. I know plenty of people who have been adopted from abroad and they think the same as you, the fact that they're adopted isn't really an issue.

SOME people on this site only like hearing the negativity.

I had hoped that I could share how I really feel when I saw the heading: "A question for people who were adopted at birth?"

But then I read on and *finally* got to the question: "Surely I'm not the only adopted child to grow up feeling totally happy and secure, with no issues whatsoever?"

Well, surely you are not, as you have already received answers from at least one or two... and I'm sure there are more.

However, it would have saved me some time if you had made it clear in the beginning that you really only wanted to hear from people adopted at birth AND who agree with you -- having "no issues whatsoever".

I was adopted at birth (and I'm still adopted today, as I haven't found any legal way to become un-adopted) but I most certainly have issues because of it. Also, as I'm nearly 40, I wouldn't refer to myself (as you have to yourself) as an "adopted child". I am an adult adoptee. I have been an adult for more than half of my life. It may mean nothing but I find your wording -- referring to yourself, at nearly 50 years old, as a "child".

I am, however, happy and secure... in SPITE of my adoption. I'm sorry but your question is a little too "black-and-white" in that you seem to believe that a person can ONLY be EITHER happy and secure OR have issues... but not both.

I congratulate you for your happy life. I'm happy for you that you don't have adoption-related issues.

It isn't always that simple, clear, or cut-and-dry, though. I'd appreciate it if others would respect my experience (abused by my adopters, and having many other adoption-related issues in addition to the abuse) as I do theirs, and not try to place me in a specific, small, labeled box.

Take care~

You should link the question you've cited, because I've never seen anyone say "all adoptees" feel one way or another.

I do believe most adoptees have some feelings about growing up adopted. If you've never felt lost, abandonded, or curious about your origins, you are unique. I believe the majority of us do.

I am glad that you had a lovely mum & dad.

I have never assumed everyone feels the same way. I certainly know a few adoptees that seem content with their parents.

However, I will admit I have felt abandoned and it has been a source of anxiety in my life. None of which is to say that I don't love my parents, or that they aren't my parents. (However, I have also met my first mother, and she, too, is my parent.)

Every adoptee does undergo loss. Whether the adoptee "feels" loss is another question. But adoption cannot happen unless the child first loses his or her first family. Maybe that adoptee never feels badly about that loss. But by definition, adoption cannot happen without loss.

I am almost 50 also. I have never felt abandoned or rejected. I wasn't adopted at birth I was 9 months old when taken away, so by the way some see it I should have felt it even more as I was with my bio mother for a while. In fact I was adopted twice by the time I was 3, so to some I should have a bunch of trust and abandonment issues over it, But it was never a problem for me and being adopted never was an issue either. My mom and dad have also passed and I miss them and think of them every day. No one could ever take their place. I have not met my bio's never wanted to. For me there just wasn't any reason to as I had a mom and dad. I wouldn't have traded them for the world.

the thumbs down are because the only side of adoption most want to hear on this site are the negative ones. Sometimes I don't even think some read the answers they just look to see who wrote them and td them automatically

There is a strong anti-adoption feeling in this section, and they thumbs down anyone who dares to be happy with their life and adoption. I've been accused of being brainwashed and stupid even for being well adjusted and happy in my adoptive family. I also have contact with my birth mom, and my reaction is the same. I'm glad to have her in my life, but I am glad that my life turned out the way that it has and that my adoptive parents are my actual parents. I know that would hurt her, and I don't rub it in her face, but its true.

Im sure you're not the only one who feels that way. BUT- adoptees who are in reunion and DO feel this way dont "feel the need for our first Mothers to take over for adoptive mothers." I have 2 Mothers, and 2 fathers. Im good with all of them.

eta for op: I wouldnt go as far to say my adoption "worked out", lol. It is what it is. My adoptive parents are my adoptive parents. Their love for me really did not take away the pain of missing my first Mother. I would have rather been raised by my family, versus strangers, but I wasn't. Sorry- I guess I didnt make myself clear. What I meant was even though I am in reunion, I didn't expect my first Mom to take over for my adoptive Mom. Thats impossible- just as it was for my adoptive Mother to take over for my first Mom. They both have different, but important roles in my life.

im 17 now, when i was 13 i found out i was adopted. After that i went off the rails and turned to drugs, i hated them for not being my real parents. I got kicked out at 13 as they couldnt handle it and the police found me a week later sleeping in shop doorways. Ive been in 7 different childrens home, my real parents have made my life hell and there the reason my life is how it is. Now i live in bradford in a youth hostel. In november on my 18th birthday i get to find out who my real parents are, and there going to wish i was never born. There selfish i dont no anyone who could do that to a child

I am 47 and adopted and feel the same as you; I guess the simple answer is don't believe all you read on YA as they're only opinions.