My divorce was final this afternoon?

Question

I regret the decision, but I don't think I was wrong to do it, if that makes sense. We have 2 kids together, plus two that we raised together from toddlers, and another on the way and due in January. I filed for divorce because I had given him an ultimatum regarding drinking and driving, which he did not follow through on. He subsequently got into a DUI accident, learned his lesson and has cut way back on the alcohol (and can't drive anymore by court order). Other reasons that I filed included: his temper when he was drinking, suspected infidelity, and constant arguing- again, mostly when he was drunk.
Now that he has quit drinking (or at least getting drunk) I feel like he is the person that I fell in love with 18 and a half years ago. I still adore him, and I cried when the judge asked if the marriage was "irretrievably broken," and haven't stopped crying since. I think that is because I believe that it could be fixed. He is living with another woman that he is attracted to, but he says that he has his own room there, and that it is a financial arrangement. I don't know if I believe that or not, but I need to sort out my own emotions before I go around second-guessing his. 
I don't want to try to get him back for the wrong reasons. I don't want it to be because I am pregnant, or because 18 years is a long time, and I've gotten used to having him around. I don't want it to be because it's Christmas time, or because neither of us wants to tell the kids. There were things that he did during our marriage that were disrespectful, and maybe unforgivable -but maybe not. I just don't know what to think. I don't want to let him hurt me again, but I do love him, and I kind of feel like I gave up too soon.
Any thoughts?

Sony · Accepted Answer

If he had cheated on you previously and is cheating now, plus the drinking....i think you made the right decision to help yourself and prevent yourself from further hurt. Of course you feel depress now cause 18 years is a long time, but look at the bright side at least he cant hurt you anymore and you need to move on, focus on your kids and job. You need activities to do and dont think too much about the divorce. women have a hard time letting go, cause we are so forgiving and considerate but you also need to have self preservation first before loving others...think of your health, your happiness and your life...

susieque · Answer

You made a move that may have well saved your life and the NEXT 18 years!
You may have created  a space for a new love to come into your life to love
you the way you have been cheated out of for so long.

I know it is possible to recover, and it could take a year of turning your focus away from
the thoughts you have of looking back over your shoulder at him....but he is in the past 
if you will leave him there, and a new life is waiting for you.

Take a look at plentyoffish dot com (POF.com) and see what wonderful guys are out there
even some who WANT a family!!!! Nice loving honest sober men who would lay their
life at your feet.

I will keep you in prayer.
Blessings, Stay strong!

Thatshim · Answer

When you were thinking as a SANE person you made sane decisions. What people dont understand that divorce is one of the major failures we have in life (uanble to make everybodies dream of a happy marriage come true)  its not fun, and not pretty. When you fail sometimes you try and make it right  like when you fall of a horse you just get back on and try again. You need to be smart however and try a different horse. and you are smart.

Steve from PA · Answer

How many wifes are strong enuff to do what u did..u should be applauded...I on the other hand have been married for twenty years and it seems my wife has no desire for me, and I just met my first love from 35 years ago who is in the same situation with her husband of 20 years...We cant control ppl and how and if they start changing in the relationship..the only thing u can do is make the best decision you can...

Olivias Mommy♥Faxing Berlin · Answer

I think you did the right thing. Him being reckless and irresponsible was dragging your life down...not to mention your childrens as well. Do you really want your kids growing up with an alcoholic as a father that could potentially put them in harms way? You did everything you could....he was not willing to be serious about your life together as a family. Maybe one day he'll get his act together and see what he really has. Hang in there and good luck

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My divorce was final this afternoon?

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