VERY SERIOUS, PLEASE ONLY HONEST REPLIES(MEN PLEASE MAKE SUGGESTIONS, PLEASE)?

You make a house feel like a home.

Okay, so this is just my opinion. If he stuck by you through all of the medical problems and things then he obviously cares for you. Maybe you should try marriage counseling? But even more important, you need to start having sex. Men seem to be happier when they are getting laid. You said you bought a sexy nightie and nothing happened. One night when hes sleeping crawl under the covers and give him oral. Honestly what man would turn you down when your mouth is on his member? Try 'accidentally' walking in on him while hes in the shower-- get in with him. Basically send the kids to a family member/friend and seduce the man. Have sex with him anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes you need a break just to get it on! Most of his frustrations are probably really from not having sex. Women we are emotional and we cry. Men are physical and they complain. lol

As far as your other marriage. You can't blame yourself for something that is in the past. Sometimes life isn't fair and there are no guarantees. But looking back is never an option you can't change it so you have to forgive yourself.

Hello, I read your issue though CAPS & all lol, but honestly I think you both should speak a marriage counselor and also speak to the family Dr. because although you may not want to believe this many relationships go south due to depression and they don't even know it. Also, you may have an issue of thinking too deeply into it because you may not be the problem, it could be your husband. He may feel less of a man if he is unable to penetrate an erection. He may not feel like he once felt when he was younger and probably doesn't put forth the effort in trying because he doesn't want to disappoint you.

This may help make you both stronger. I wish you the best of luck with your husband and try not to let the past influence your future. Always remember the PAST was a PRESENT for the FUTURE.

Wow...I'm sorry you're going through emotional hell. I know kinda where your coming from. I'm in a similar situation. The whole roommate thing. Not like a real couple that share everything. We share living expenses, and we love each other...as friends. The good stuffs been gone for many years, and I kick my butt for staying in this type of relationship. But like you, I don't want to hurt him like my ex was hurt. That relationship had many reasons why it had to end, but my guys not mean...we don't really argue. When he starts stupid stuff...I don't bite. It's not wort my effort. We don't really talk about anything really important...like our relationship. He doesn't even want to discuss it, at least you still have communication. I've been living in denial for years, I have no idea how to fix my situation...so I do nothing. Since you still can talk to your husband...tell him exactly what you're feeling, and what's missing before it's too late. I have a "why bother" attitude regarding my relationship...don't let this happen to you. Hope this helps...

wow, you got a lot to say. look, each relationship is different. being friends is not bad, but you think sex is a vital part of your relationship. i agree. no marriage is complete without sex. i know, no one is going to like that statement. but i'm being honest. you are unhappy with how things are, and your husband thinks he is helping by being your friend. you guys have different expectations of what a good relationship should be. that's gotta change, or separation is gonna happen. find a counselor, and actively work at it to make things work. that means, both of you will have to change your idea of what a healthy marriage is. don't bring up your past relationship failure to explain this one. that's not fair to your current husband. it does sound like there are issues you are not writing about that probably have something to do with your situation.

Your problems don't sound that extreme.

Try therapy; a third party should be able to help you sort it out.

AND: when you post to a message board DO NOT post in all caps like you did... it is the same as SCREAMING.

Good luck,Sweetie!

xoxoxoxo

Sounds rough! I have a lot of suggestions that might help, but don't overwhelm yourself. Take this a step at a time and really commit to doing the things mentioned below. It could not hurt to try, even if it sounds like it will not work. At this point, what have you got to lose?

First, it would be a good idea to get by yourself and just consider within yourself all this pain. You hate it. You hate fighting. You hate not having a good sex life. You want to be happy. You cannot change him, you can only change you. Knowing this, take a deep breath and allow yourself to really feel this heaviness.

Then, make a conscious decision to let it go. Yes, you CAN do it. If you feel you cannot do it alone, then don't. Pray for a supernatural change in your heart that will allow you to forgive. Forgive him for every single thing you feel he has done to you. Forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you have made in the past. Ask God to forgive you both for whatever you both have done to hurt the marriage.

When you quit keeping score of wrongs done to you and mistakes you have made to yourself, you can begin to heal. Remember that every time you are tempted to bring up old stuff.

Then, talk to your husband. Tell him that you know in the past you have not seen eye to eye on a lot of things and that you have felt hurt and you know you have hurt him too. And then, apologize for the hurt you have caused. He might apologize here, but then again--be prepared, he may not apologize. Do not act like you expect an apology in return at all. Just tell him you are sorry and that you really want your marriage to be a happy one and then give him a hug and kiss.

After this talk, avoid saying anything negative and pick your battles VERY carefully. Is he loading the dishwasher wrong? Let him. Is he watching a game and not talking to you? Let him.

Is he trying to pick a stupid fight with you? Do not allow yourself to get sucked into it. Say, "Honey, we have a difference of opinion and I am okay with that. I do not agree, but I do love you." and leave it at that. If you can just barely choke out those words, follow it up with excusing yourself and go into another room to do laundry, clean windows, empty your purse, anything! If he follows and continues to provoke you, pray silently that this will end. Then say, "I really do not know how to make this better for us. We are two individuals who will have different points of view. I do not want to fight with you. I want to enjoy being married to you." And then smile. If he softens, give him a hug and kiss. If he pulls away, go back to your task. If he doesn't, you can, of course, take it from there.

I am NOT saying you should always give in. I am NOT saying you are the wrong one. I am only saying that real fights should come around if there is an addiction, an infidelity, extreme financial circumstances, or other very real harm to you. Even then, it should be a fair fight.

If you can ask yourself whether the irritating event at hand will affect you both substantially over the next ten years, and the answer is "no", let it go, because it is not worth all the hurt. If the answer is yes, a respectful discussion should follow (a.k.a. "fighting fair").

Fighting fair means to do these things:

1. Do NOT bring up old stuff, stick to the present issue;

2. Keep yourself calm and your voice low. If he raises his, do not follow that behavior;

3. No name calling or hitting--EVER!

4. Present your reasons in a clear way and share your feelings honestly;

5. When he talks, let him finish what he is saying and listen to his words. Don't prepare your next statement while he is talking. Think about the words and what they really mean in the moment;

6. If you just cannot stay calm any more, say, "Dear, I really do want to work this out, but I don't feel emotionally able to do that right now. Can we revisit this when we both feel able, say, tomorrow?" That way, you both get to have space to collect yourself and think things through and come back with rational thoughts that could solve the present problem.

If you feel comfortable doing so, ask him if you can both agree to the above rules for fighting fair. If you stick to them, you will find you make much more progress, I think.

Smile at him and tell him you love him without there being a reason. Show him small kindnesses that make him know you think of him. Pack his lunch for work or make coffee in the morning for him, or write a little love note and stick it on the steering wheel of his car so he finds it in the morning. Plan to go out on fun dates together sometimes. Quality time is VERY important to keeping your marriage healthy.

Do things that make you feel special and pretty--get your hair done, or your nails, or buy a new dress. At this point, I say do not buy any new racy lingerie, because sex is a touchy subject right now. Wait for him to be ready for sex and don't pressure him.

You cannot change your husband. BUT, if you make positive changes in yourself, you give him new opportunities to change his behavior as well. I think there is a very good chance he will respond well.

Best of luck to both of you! :-)

Ask your doctor to recommend a good marriage therapist and take him to see them. they should be able to answer osm e of your questions and help you find the issue many times they teach you how to fix it too

Use Paragraphs

Use regular letters.

Stop acting like your 12

I suggest you wake him up to a BJ. That should get the sexual ball rolling....If it doesn't your problems are much bigger than they seem.

Stop focusing on the problems and unhappiness and focus on trying to get intimate and happy in his company again.

p.s please take off caps lock next time, its painful to read.