Married Women - Am I bad husband for doing this?

You won't like my response, it's very honest.

No, you're a bad husband for even contemplating cheating on her and putting her down about her looks. Pushing her into dressing up for you won't help. Did you ever think that maybe there's something wrong with her self esteem? If you're always pushing her into dressing up, wearing make-up to look younger (GHASTLY THING TO SAY TO YOUR WIFE WHO YOU "LOVE"), of course she won't want to screw you or improve her look for you.

So you work on a street that has whores walking down it in skimpy clothes and perve on them all day. How would you feel if she perved on men all day because they have better style and looks than you do in her mind? Great, I bet.

You need to focus on making her feel better about her self esteem. The poor thing is using the tom boy thing as a defense mechanism after having to live with you trying to fix her all the time. I wonder if she feels beautiful at all, EVER?

As for the 'boring' sex, why don't YOU try to spice things up? Why is the woman to blame? Maybe you're just crap at anything other than missionary? Maybe she's bored of sex with you?

As for your little friends, they're immoral whores who don't deserve faithful partners.

'Living out your fantasy' hey? What about your wife's fantasy? You're probably sexually suppressing her, seriously. Do you really think you'll be satisfied if you force her into dressing up nicely for you? Think again bud, you want it to be out of her own accord. So build her self esteem up. Make her care and NOT by making her feel insecure... but by telling her she's beautiful, buying her gifts and pampering her. Get her a pedicure + manicure. Send her to the most expensive hair salon and tell her she can do whatever SHE wants with her hair (if she wants to that is, don't force her because that may seem like you're doing it for you rather than her). Whatever you do, make her feel beautiful.

Before sending her to salons and such... do some things around the house. Maybe take some of her duties away. You seem to be the kind of male that makes a woman cook and clean for him and all that. How about you cook and clean for a while so she has more time to herself and maybe starts caring about her appearance. Make her see that you care.

Good luck and I hope your wife ends up caring for how she looks again based off high self esteem, as in being worthy of pretty clothes and make-up and such.. not because you want her to look 'younger'. Ugh, chauvinistic bastards like you really piss me off.

Hate to be the bearer of truth here. But welcome to the world of marriage. Been there and done that. I've been married for 15 years and she had 3 kids. She was a 17 year old hotty when I met her. And we had sex about 4 times every night for 3 years. I was 22. Now 15 years later we still have sex, just not as often. Your needs are totally normal. You're not a bad husband for wanting her to help fulfill your needs since they are not above her ability to do so. She needs to break the status quo and be willing to bend a little. Women like that usually end up in divorce because the same Ole' gets boring. I guarantee you that if you threaten to leave she will try harder. But you might actually have to go out the door. Or instead of doing something that dramatic, you could get dressed really nice one weekend night and even put on some cologne. Then plan on going to a bar to see a live band WITHOUT her. Just find "harmless" ways of bringing your relationship to the front and center and having her worry about losing you. Sometimes it takes fear to get what you want. I already went through using threats to my wife years ago and she actually tried. But it wore off pretty fast. Women don't really see things the way we do. But there are some out there that do. And they dress provocatively because they love the attention. Don't get too heavy on the porn though. It exercises pervertedness and causes you to "need" that kind of sex. Not a problem if your woman is into doing the things a porn star does. But some women won't go there.

What a very honest post. It sounds like inwardly, your wife has resentments against you and not because you may be verbal, but it's your approach that angers her. In many areas of your lives. It brings out her insecurity, which causes her only one reaction, to assume the defense mode. Females generally have a hard time being intimate and sexy if they are not emotionally satisfied. My suggestion is that you try pumping your wife up a little for a while by saying some nice things to her. Maybe complimenting dinner, the house, etc. Why not offer her a package for an all female gym (she would probably be more comfortable) or let her know that you would like to work out and work on yourself, and you were hoping she would join you. Also, if you see something sexy you like, buy it for her. She'll be looking at it.

Your post was so long I read the first paragraph and breezed through the rest. I do not think that you were wrong for sharing with your wife that she is not as sexually attractive as you know she can be. Actually, it would be nice if more men would share that with their wives before simply stepping out on the marriage. However, if it is not in her character to wear the heels, make-up, dresses, etc. then her attempts may be short lived. Two things can happen, either she will change or you will accept to move on or stay with a woman that does not fully satisfy you.

I disagree. Theres a lot of beauty in the world and to not look would be wrong. And your human instinct is to lust, whether its sexually or jealously. You can pretend you don't have those urges all you want but its denial. My husband and I have a very honest and open relationship and it has to be an extreme situation for him to really stare at another woman and me another man, but there are times when I will point out a hot girl and ask him what he thinks. Its just admiring beauty. You can look all you want, you just can't touch. And so long as I'm the one going home with him and I'm the one he's thinking about during sex all is good.

This is a double-edge sword....Men are supposed to be more communicable nowadays, and it sounds like you did just that.....you communicated your feelings to your wife. And then, your wife does nothing.

Here is what your wife heard: "You aren't attractive anymore to me."

What your wife is feeling inside: "He should love me no matter what I look like."

I remember telling a boyfriend that I don't like mustaches (he had a mustache), so, he shaved it off. It made such a difference in our kissing. He liked all the better kissing too! It was a small thing to do, to shave it off. Now, I would have still loved him, but it would have been a lot less fun kissing him.

Your wife might have a low self esteem, and she may have convinced herself that no matter what she tries, "makeup, clothing, shoes, etc., that she still looks unattractive, so why bother?" In fact it might make her mad inside that she CAN'T look like a model.

Another scenario is that at one time I had a boyfriend that would gawk at every pretty woman that walked by, and stare, and make comments. This was horrible on my self esteem, so I gave up trying to look pretty. Why bother if he is instead always checking out other women? Are you doing this? It's okay to occasionally look, but if you are obsessive about it, I wouldn't blame your wife for not trying.

If this is not the case, I would suggest the following: Have a date night every week. Open the flood gates and say to your wife, "I love you no matter what. I think you have beautiful ( ). Fill in the blank. No one's ( ) is as gorgeous as yours. Blah, blah, blah. Then, she gets a turn. She in turn talks about your greatest assets (physical). Offer to her, "Babe, is there anything I can do or wear that would turn you on more?" Don't allow her to say, "I love you just the way you are".

The next week, go out and buy her a pretty blouse (not hooker sexy - just pretty). Then say to her, I bet you would look extra special in this. Would you try it on, just for us?

And the next week, maybe some perfume that you find nice, etc. Get the idea?

It is commendable that you have been faithful, when your wife seems to be dragging her feet. I would hate only having sex once a month. Is there any chance that your wife is suffering from depression? If your wife and you don't change direction, I can see your marriage heading to a stale mate and then ending. That would be sad, especially since you love her so much. So, I would suggest counseling is in order if things don't start improving. There maybe more going on here than what appears. Your wife could be feeling unworthy of physical attraction, etc.

You are not a bad husband. It sounds like you are a smart husband who noticed that "something ain't right here." And by all means, don't do like your male friend suggested and go get something on the side. That's stupid. Stay smart, have a heart to heart with your wife, and encourage her. Best wishes!

First I'd like to give you credit for not betraying your wife and stepping outside the marriage. Second, I've been married 18 years and still have a great intimate relationship with my husband. Yes children make it hard, Mom's tend to forget themselves because its all about the kids BUT even if your wife is one of these women she could put on a little lip gloss, sexy underwear and give it to you at least twice a week! She should be happy you had the courage to tell her how you feel and that in itself doesn't make you a bad husband.

You are not a bad husband at all. What we all need to realize is that as the marriage years go by we all get too comfortable and no matter how best things are out of the bedroom, the sexual attraction will eventually die, unless we work hard at doing things better to build the attraction once more. If she is not in agreement with your request well I advice some good counseling for the both of you.

LOL

At first when i started reading it I thought ''omg he is so selfish, wanting her to do all that and still look like a model 24/7" but as i kept reading and how she talk back which is funny..sorry o.o I understand you and no your not a bad husband. Your friends are wrong for telling you to cheat!! I feel that I understand her wanting to not get done up but at the same time there is no need to NEVER look sexy. I mean being comfortable/sexy can go hand in hand. And if you all (for better wording..love making) is dull as dry rocks then thats not good...lots of marriages dwendle (sp) because the spark/sex isnt there anymore. I would suggest a marriage counselor and not friends who suggest you to cheat lol. They are not helping lol. And sure your gonna have temptation, but that doesnt make you wrong, it makes you human and kudos for not cheating =D.

Now the other side is you saying this might bring her down. Keep in mind that everyone is their own worst enemy so when your saying this, she could be beating herself up more on the inside. Suggesting a change can be a huge blow to a ego...even if its something small!!!Talk to her and see how shes feeling about all of that rather than hearing her sassy combacks =D.

(((geez a thumb down already, I typed lol but that was so i could type my REAL response lol.)))

Ada's comment (below me) is really good =D.

That's sad. Maybe you should show her this... honestly. Maybe you should tell her that this problem has gotten so out of control for you that you have no choice but to go online and seek answers since you're not getting them at home and you get shut down every time you try to bring it up.

I bet if you just livened things up in the sack (i.e. foreplay, or watching porn together, or anything) you probably wouldn't need the outfits.

no you are normal but I see both of your points. You are bored and want to mix it up and she is like this is what you signed up for. your approach is wrong. don't just suggest things be proactive. don't tell her to dress up. You go out and buy the clothes you want to see her in then go out to dinner and romance her. send her flowers, tell her how much you love her. Be the romantic person you were years ago when she dropped those panties. you have to charm her panties off her. After being married for so long women sometimes get set in a routine and sex becomes a afterthought. Don't talk about it be about it. If you want role playing buy her the wig and outfit and she will put in on then you get into character also otherwise you are just spinning your wheels.