PLEASE B HONEST, should I stay or should I go?Please help me! Am I living a NITEMARE, HELP PLEASE?

Question

PLEASE  take me serious, please, 
I am in a situation that I really don't know what to do, and now there is a time limit.  I have been w/my fiance' for 11 years, we just had our 2nd daughter 1 year next mo.  We have been fighting really bad for about 6+mo's. .  He has told me that I have 1 month to put the ring back on & 6 months to get another job.  I love my job & the people and staff, I work @ a Nursing Hm.  almost 8 yrs. now.  HE actually went as far as calling places to C if they were hiring so I could get a better job, I told him I didn't want to, he said, I should do this 2 benefit us & always want more and get better.  I enjoy the family time, quite times, comforting  times. 
He makes almost double the $ that I earn, he just bought a huge truck and I bought a small car, mine is paid off now, his isn't.  he works in another city and takes my car everyday and says too bad that I want my car, u r not going 2, I work father than U.  I have told him the truck is so big it is hard for me to drive, he don't care, just takes the keys and goes.
He calls me names everyday,
tells me to get to F.... out of HIS house, gives me time limits on everything.  
He even claimed our 1st daughter on income tax for 7 yrs and last yr he let me and this yr, I could claim both, like he did 4 7 yrs.  I got a copy, his mother makes it out and they claimed one and me one, even though, he knows I was counting on this money and we had a house fire, (which the bed went up in flames, he was smoking and then it started), he got a lot of money out of that, I didn't get anything., the insurance co. said I wasn't on the policy and should of had renters ins.

I clean, work full time, take care of both children, keep our home immaculant, make our even dinners, do laundry and his and fold them, 
If i am watching TV in the BR, he comes in lays down and takes the remote out of my hand and just does what he wants.
The other night when we were fighting he asked our daughter (9), how would you like a new mommy, a step mommy, that way u get 2 BD's, 2 Xmas's.  I couldn't believe it, I am now at the point of I want to leave but don't have the means to do so.  
I am not perfect, yrs ago, we used to fight and it would get physical, I have gotten so mad I made a hole in the wall, but we are talking about yrs ago when we lived in an apt., we have a home now, HIS HOUSE>, in which I have to pay the lights, cable, phone and buy all the food every week. (Again, he makes double $ than I do.  and I put gas in the monster truck.  
Also, when he asked me to marry him last year and he has mentioned this several times that I would have to sign a pre-nup, I said NO, he said, I have a lot of assets I worked 4, if it weren't 4 me, he wouldn't even have HIS house. The last thing he said this morn, b4 work was bye *****, I cry, I need affection, attention, love, understanding intamacy etc.  and I did tell him this, but nothing,  unless he rolls over and says, he give me a BJ, I am like, come on, R U serious, yeh, what about it,
he wants it his way the only way or I can leave, no where to go, not enough money to get there from here whereever that would be.
I need to know, (what does it mean when a man gets out of work, comes through the door, (remember we do not get along) and he is grinning ear to ear and smiling?  That is bugging me., 
I am at the point where I want to move out on my own w/kids,  I don't want to fight anymore, I just sit there,
like last night, I went to the computer put a song on and was listening, a rap type song and he came in and you would of thought he caught me w/my pants down having sex, he called me names, told me screaming I know why U r playing that song, shut it off now, MY God, can't I listen to music, he says, it is a past guy thing and he is mad.  that is bull.
I don't know what to do, I get up, never ever have gone to bars or been a bad mom, I get up, get 2 kids ready, go 2 work, p/u baby, come home, clean, watch kids, plan supper and do everything, he does NOTHING.  
He is extremely hateful to me, calls me names, wants me to leave, says I can't take the kids, I am scared that bcause he makes more money they would give him custody.  NO police have ever beeni involved when things got a bit ugly, He says he will always get a better laywer he is right, i don't have the money or hom to fight with.  I have no money saved up to get an apartment, I do not want to bring my kids to the Shelter, we live in the Country and my daughter goes to the same school since she began in the country town.  
I just need to know, what would you do, really seriously....
I do not want this to effect the kids, I want a normal life, I thought I had it all now it is going, but is it right to live w/someone that is so mentally abusive as this man?  But, another question, (Is this the real way life is, go 2 work, come home, argue, go to bed get up and do all over aga

Dragonfly Girl · Accepted Answer

All I can say is... they would NOT give him custody just because he makes more money.  He is mentally abusive to both you AND the children, so start gathering PROOF of this.  Once you can prove what a sick and selfish person he is, then LEAVE HIM and file for divorce.  You will get the children and he will be court-ordered to pay you child support.  You DO NOT have to live like this.  I'm so sorry.

ADD:  Oh, you're not married.  It's just the same, get the proof and you will still get custody.  Is he on the birth certificate as the father?  If so, it will be easier to get child support ordered, but you still can if not.  You may want to consider getting a restraining order in place as soon as you leave him.

living star · Answer

You know what you have to do ,"you have to go"! He is a user,and a big time mental Abuser.You will  be okay.Your a strong women from the voice i hear writing this.Your suppose to be his partner and he treating you like your his servant.He's mean.To ask your daughter that question shows his maturity of being a so called dad.Stop doing everything,NOW.Make your self a plan and follow through  with it .Get all you important documents you need and hide them somewhere out of the house.Start selling stuff at different pawn shops to get money for your escape.Hide it and don't tell and trust anyone what your doing.And do not change your job.When you move don't move close to him.And whether your married or not you will need to have everything in writing so for the safety of your kids.He has made you feel powerless.But your not.You are a strong person that has seen the light.Yes you are being abuse verbally and physically.He doesn't care or love you his actions alone show all this.Move on and don't feel less powerful.You have power behind you or you would have not written this.So start that plan and don't be to obvious.And its never to late to chane your life.Take him for whatever you can.Get child support and any possessions you both have bought is community property.Don't let him intimidate you anymore he's sees your weakness and is using that to get to you.Strength will help you if you start building it for yourself.Enough is enough.And if you don't change this pattern your kids will grow to learn this pattern and it will go on repeating.Stop the abuse and good luck because you may be an example for someone else  to learn to break away from an abuser.

bejay · Answer

First of all. Don't do something you may be sorry for latter. I mean by staying with this poor excuse of a man. Do not let his threats bother you. They are just words coming from a crazy man that does not know what he is talking about. If you love your job and are happy there. Stay there. See a lawyer and they can best advice you on what to do next. That is your children's home and you should not allow him to drive them away from there. Try not to get to many friends or family involved. This could cause bigger problems and more heartache further on down the road. Document everything or keep some sort of diary of what life is like on a day to day bases. He will only end up digging his own grave. And all you will have to do is give him a little nudge and he'll fall right in it.

Lou · Answer

The simple answer is you are being abused and you need to leave. 

Abuse is not always physical, it is also mental like in your case. 

Have you got family you could turn to? Good friends? Colleagues? 
You need to talk to someone, get on the net and find a helpline for abused women in your area and give them a call when he's at work (delete the history from your computer so he can't see what you've been searching.) 
This will start to effect the kids as they get more aware of what is going on.
He has absolutely NO right to treat you the way he does and he is now bringing the children into it.

You sound like a good mother. If it came to a custody battle I'm sure a judge would be able to see this. They will not automatically grant him custody because of his earnings. 

Please find someone you can trust and talk to them. They may be able to offer you help. 
It will be tough but you need to leave.

Take care. I hope you get it sorted.

jerri · Answer

For about 18 months I had a job where I worked from home and I could Yahoo all I wanted. It was grand, since I am down here in the wrong hemisphere and the time difference is kind of hard to work around with a 9-5 job...which is what i have now. That means I can't spend anywhere near as much time here as I used to. And yet, I still manage to get suspended even more often. I guess that's a gift innit?

Anonymous · Answer

Honey as hard as it is going to be, you do need to leave. No, this is not normal, This is not how life is suppose to be. Me and my husband do have our problems but he always makes sure to tell me how much he loves me. This man is making you miserable and you don't deserve any of it. Do you have any family at all that you could live with? Or even a friend? It sounds like you are in a prison. Find a way to leave him. Even if it isn't for another year. Save up some money without him knowing and get away from him, make a plan. You need to get your children away from him too. It is Child abuse to bring your daughter into one of your arguments. He is screwing her up for life too. Another thing you can do is to keep a journal, you can keep it at work, and make a log of everything he does that is mean towards you, make sure you date everything. You can use it against him to keep your children under your care. I think you should also look for a better paying job too, this way you can support yourself easier.

Anonymous · Answer

My dear, this jerk use that you are scared, he knows very well the situation you are in and use that against you. Play smart. Try to stay in the house as longer as you can in same time save money or "steal" from his. As i see you are very good person and you can use that, play dumb and in same time dump him. Save as much as you can, look for new place and new job because for sure you will need money after you leave him. You have 2 choices to use your saved money. 1st for a good advocate who will win against him. Do a record when he start shooting at you, so you can use that at court. With this you can win a lot. 2nd you can use the money to start new life with your kids. If you choose the second one, make sure he dont know nothing about your new place, new job, and new school for the kids. Take with you whatever you can. His truck cost money too. You can sell it and buy another small car and you will have something plus. You are smart and good at planing. So make a plan! I may sound as ***** but who cares when its up to you and your kids.

ufan2020 · Answer

You need the help from trusted friends that you can turn to. Have you ever tried to talk things over with him? Going by what you have said, its like he is going through past pains that he is leashing it on you or better still, there is another woman out there. Turn to God in prayers, look for a local counseling team and join, they will give you the necessary support to get you through this trying times. If all fails you may need a brief separation to have a clear thinking for yourself. Always consider the children who are being affected with what is going on. Do not think they are not aware of lack of unity in the home. Get friends to talk to.

unsure · Answer

You are in a very abusive relationship. You may not think it affects your children but it does. You are setting an example for them to follow. You should get out of this now. If not for yourself then for your kids. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Be thankful you aren't married to him. It will be easier to get out of the relationship. Find a small place you can afford. Don't tell him what you are doing. Just do it. In the end it will be the best thing for you and your kids.

froggy · Answer

Sounds like an asshole. I bet if you took kids and left he would be lost. He may not admit it now. Maybe you should and scare him. If that dosent work then just stay with a family member till you can get on your feet. He will most likely will never change and he knows you will put up with it and do nothing about it.

Oha nd are u married or not because your other questions say u r!

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PLEASE B HONEST, should I stay or should I go?Please help me! Am I living a NITEMARE, HELP PLEASE?

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