How do I explain cancer to my three-year-old?

The information you give your child very much depends on what she is asking you and what her concerns are. Use realistic but friendly language with your child so she can slowly begin to grasp the situation. Her friend doesn't only need rest, she needs medicine and lots of medical attention. So next time she asks, say so.

So, when she tells you something about what she is going to do with her friend in the future, encourage her to focus on the present. "I'm sure your friend will be happy to know you're thinking of her right now" and "yes, I hope she gets better and you get to play with her too". Don't make promises you might not be able to fulfill. So if she asks you if her friend is going to get better soon, be honest and say something like "I hope she does,doctors are helping her right now but we'll have to wait" and "your friend has a disease called cancer.It is a serious disease and sometimes people get better from it,sometimes they don't.Let us hope your friend is one of the people who get better".

At age 3 her main concern is the immediate present. She realizes her friend is not around,so she wants to know where she is. She realizes things are changing with your friend and perhaps even with yourself, so she gets anxious. You speak of a disease, she wonders how that will affect her.

Take time to explain to her that cancer is not a "catchy" disease. Sometimes, when children hear about something dangerous and scary,their imagination takes them to very strange places so your daughter needs to know that cancer is not something she can catch like children catch the flu or chickenpox.

If your daughter then asks you what will happen to her friend if she doesn't get better, then you need to be honest and answer. "Sometimes, if people don't get better from cancer, they die" and then you, if you can, cite an example of a death your daughter might have faces, a pet, a grandparent, even a plant. Talk to her about the things that are alive, the things that are not, and what happens to the things that are no longer alive. She is too little to understand the concept of non-existence, so try not to be too poetical or vague. Little children do well with simple facts like dead plants or pets.

I highly recommend you to read a book by Bryan Mellonie, "Lifetimes". It is a beautiful read that discusses living things that die, from people to animals and it is written in a simple language your child will be able to comprehend.

Finally, if your friend's daughter does pass away, do not compare death to sleeping, so don't say "our friend will be sleeping forever". Children develop fear of sleeping if death is compared to sleep.

Explain to her that it is ok to miss her friend and to be sad while she is sick. Tell her that you are sad too so that she gets reassurance from your honesty. All the hard questions that might come your way, you should answer honestly and calmly. Let her express her emotions by drawing, playing and talking to her. You don't need to give her a scientific explanation of what cancer is but be prepared to tell her why her friend has lost her hair for example. "The medicine that our friend is taking is very strong,so her hair falls but she is still our friend and we love her" or any scars or catheters she might have "this is a catheter, our friend uses it so she can take medicines or take some food when she isn't feeling well".

When I had to explain my husband's cancer and treatments to my children, my youngest son had just turned 4. His main concers were:

1) Am I going to get cancer: cancer can happen to everyone but you are healthy and young so I wouldn't worry about it. You cannot get cancer from being with daddy or from anyone else who has cancer. 2) When is papa comming back home: papa will come home when his doctors say he is well enough to be here,for now, we are taking care of him in the hospital and he is safe 3) When is papa going to get better?: we hope he gets better soon but you'll have to be patient. I always close my conversations with the kids by asking them if there is anything they want to say or ask, and if they need me to explain things again latter, I will be happy to.

Good luck.

Explain to him that she has a bad boo boo and that she can't come over right now because of it. Have her call him a couple times a week so that he is still getting to talk to her. He is not old enough to understand the concept of cancer but he knows what it means to get hurt. Use simple terms and answer his questions very directly and simply, don't add detail. Good luck!! I will keep his grandmother in my prayers. I have someone close to me going through breast cancer as well, I know how devastating it can be.

Explain to your daughter that her friend had a bad guy go inside of her body and now the doctors are putting in good guys to fight off the bad guys making her very weak and sick. I wouldn't let your daughter see her face to face because her friend needs to be in a healthy, sanitary environment and not get any illness (cold, flu, etc) tracked into her room, but see if they can talk on the phone or through webcam on the computer.

explain cancer to her like it's the flu or a really bad cold just a little worse, but try not to do it unless she gets extremely extremely sick. There really isn't a way to prepare a three year old for someones death but if she does die, just tell her that God called her little friend to become a guardian angel

who will always be watching over her and her family :)

My father died of cancer about 6 months ago. I had to explain to my 3yo and 5yo what happened to Grandpa. I told them the truth, without all the science. I said that Grandpa has cancer. It means that Grandpa is sick and he can't get better. Not sick like a cold, but really really sick. It's very sad, but we have to be there with him.

They asked me if he would get better and I told them no, but he had 0% chance.

It's really tough to explain to a child of that age. Imagine what her friends mom is telling her. Maybe you should find out because I'm sure her friend will tell her what she was told.

My kids went to the funeral and my 3yo just asked me last week if Grandpa was ever going to come back. She just doesn't understand. My 5yo does understand, he tries to tell my 3yo that Grandpa is in heaven with Jesus, but she still doesn't get it.

Good Luck explaining! and I really do hope your daughter's friend will beat this!

whatever you say to her, she will say to the other child. So perhaps you should ask the girl's parents what they have said to her, so that you know what is appropriate information to give to them.

perhaps you could just remind your daughter to just have a nice with her now, and worry about making plans when she's better.

just leave it at that. the little girl might get better, or you can address the other outcome if it happens. either way, you don't want to put a damper on your daughter's hope and optimism by trying to explain an abstract concept or laying out worst case scenarios.

Oh, I'm so sorry. This is why I make donations to St. Judes, I think it's awful when children are sick. I'd try to be optimistic in speaking about it to your daughter, because I don't think you can prepare kids, I think they'd say, why can't god make her better. Hopefully it will turn out okay.

Don't lie to her, But don't be Pessimistic or negative either. I Don't think its important to tell her that her friend might die. that is just way too much for a 3 year old. and Don't give up hope

you need to sit your daughter down and explain to her that things may not get better. Explain to her that she needs to enjoy every moment she spends with her friend and that she can't look forward to her friend getting better because it may not happen. You should explain to her what a scary thing her friend is going through... and that her friend needs her love and support now more than ever.