why is my wife insensitive to my feelings and needs?

ok its a long story but to summarize...

I met my wife of 5 years in janruary of 2005 at one of my first jobs. She was going through a strange situation and had to move from her hometown, tolive with a sister who lived near my hometown. Well, there was this guy Mike and he had uprooted her for whatever reason and they drove around the US, i mean from pennsylvania to florida across the country stopping in arizona where things went sour. none the less she ended up working with me and we had an awesome friendship. she would take me to work and bring me home everyday and things kinda clicked. well this guy moved out with her and our friendship came to a halt. he ended up going to jail and she basically abandoned everything she had established to go back to her hometown. I bawled my heart out to her begging her to stay and to no avail it didnt happen. she left. maybe 2 weeks later she came back and i get a call from a very good friend of hers to find out she is on the other line with us(3 way call). I was austonished she came back and i made it a point to do what i needed to keep her around. at 18 years old i got a 4000 loan and we moved in together. Things were ok but not perfect, we were still "friends." no relationship but we did sleep in the same bed as well as have relations. We worked different schedules at the time and the next morning as i was taking her to work she dropped a bomb on me. Mike was coming to stay with us.

I was heart broken. but none the less i stressed my emotions and he only stayed for the night. Now her and her Ex prior to mike (jason) were in an constantly up and down relationship, he beat her literally beat the hell out of her on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS. ok none the less i dont know all of the details to that relationship but the past is the past.

we got engaged and we due to be married that year, thinking it would all sort itself out and all would be well. It the past 4 years we have had issues with trust due to these series of things. She tried contacting jason via postal mail and i found out. We found out she was pregnant and i thought the b.s. would all stop. the same year all of this happened i had to work 4th of july weekend so we agreed she could come back to her hometown with the sister to visit her family for the weekend. I WENT ALL OUT... i mean rose petals scattered from the door to the bedroom, i took a who tablet of construction paper and cut out hearts to go along with the rose petals. i bought a dozen roses to lay on the bed as well as a movie i thought she mite like and a card. No more than 2 hours after her arrival she tells me she wants it to be over, she wants to move back home and i could stay out in my hometown work save money so on so on...now then we "sorted it out" and decided to stay out there and things were good 4 a few months. An old picture of jason was found in her wallet and i decided to ask her to get rid of it. she said she did. i found out she lied. again she tells me she got rid of it, and agaian she lied. so one nite were sittin in the ER because of some pregnancy issues and i fouund the pic again. as we left and are driving down the road she takes these pieces of the picture and throws them out of the car window... It made me feel good... well none the less i found out she ripped his face out and kept it hidden but threw the rest out the window. Well to shorten the post we have been dealing with different situations such as looking him up on the net, looking at his fiancees myspace/facebook, and more attempts of postal contact. We moved out here about 3 years ago and have not really had any physical issues, by that i mean actual physical contact. or so she claims. and i have never had any proof to verify otherwise. but not only have we been living here we have not had the most fruitful financial situation. so therefor i cannot just go visit my family anytime i want, btw we live on her other sisters property.

.we ended up moving to north carolina about 2 years ago to try living down there closer to my family and whatnot. well my mom who is a manager at a very well known electronics store got her a job there and on the day of her last interview she decides she dosn't want to stay... we packed up and left. I actually ended up moving back down there for 2 motnhs and missed out on christmas with my kids that year. i came back in janruary tho and we were doing really really well... I have now been layed off for almost a year and we have 3 beautiful baby boys, 4 years 2 years and 10 months... Just a month ago i found out about the facebook thing and she was looking at jasons fiancees pictures. i lashed out and spoke up about it. (NEVER PHYSICALLY ABUSED HER or layed a hand on her like that for that matter)well she says sorry i was just being nosy so on so... just a few days ago the same thing, her face book... Well after 5 years i finally got a tidbit of information (which i already knew). She said flat out there is a piece o