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Kels asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

How to handle wanting to spend time with a relative, but not that their family?

I have a niece who's almost 2 right now. She's my brother's son, and unfortunately my brother has chosen not to take part in his daughter's life. The rest of our family however, does see her pretty much every weekend.

My niece's mother is 19. She has two children, my niece, who is almost 2, and her other daughter, who is almost 1. We are not related to my niece's mom or my niece's half-sister by blood or marriage, and the relationship between my family and my niece's family is strained, at best. We are cordial but not openly friendly towards each other. Every weekend, we bring my niece back to our house, and then at the end of the weekend she goes back home to her mom.

My problem is that when my niece is over, we buy her clothes, toys, goodies, and take her places. We're not exactly spoiling her (she doesn't exactly have a good life at home because her mother is a single mom trying to raise two kids. It's hard for all of them) but she obviously gets more attentions at our house than at her own. My niece's mom complained that we were spoiling my niece and it was unfair to her other daughter. I think this is ridiculous right now, because their both just babies, however I can see how this would be a problem in the future.

Imagine being 5 yrs old and watching your 6yr old sister going out with her grandma and getting toys, new clothes, and etc, and you get nothing.

Should I feel partially responsible for the other child? How should we handle spending time with my niece and buying her things, without upsetting her mother or sister?

(obviously this isn't a big problem right now, but I'm talking about the future).

1 Answer

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Maybe you should limit the spending , spoiling. Because you don't want the other child to feel sad, when the sister comes home from a visit with all this new stuff and she doesn't get anything.

    Or maybe ya'll could keep the stuff for her where ever she is visiting , or most of it. That will be her clothes, toys, etc. when she comes and it will stay there till the next visit. That is probably best . You don't want to step on anyones toes or hurt feelings, esp. the other innocent child.

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