So, most say to address older child first so that they dont feel left out because of the baby?

I agree with you. Don't get me wrong, I went out of my way to make my son feel special as the big brother when my daughter came along, but I generally try to give equal attention and let the kids take turns. For instance, my one year old goes to bed much earlier, so I usually spend some one on one time with her before bed, rock her, etc., and tell my son we are going to have some special time after she goes to bed- he usually likes to watch cartoons with dad or play that time of day anyway. Once she's in bed we play, read books, etc. As far as who to address first, I think you triage and base it on need. If the baby is hungry, they may have to be fed first. If your older kid skins a knee, maybe they need attention first.

So far, my daughter is one and except for being lousy at sharing sometimes my son has done great and the kids get along. I think trying your best to make them both feel special is the way to go :)

I never did that. To me, the older child has the greater ability to understand why they need to wait. I usually take them aside afterwards and explain that a baby can't really wait, and that she's a big girl and I know she's alright for a while until he's had his bottle. Now that he's taken care of, I can give my undivided attention. I haven't seen her hating him for apparently monopolizing mom. I also usually hold both of them at the same time if they want it, and I don't let him push her off my lap (as he's bound to try and do) but make him allow her on my lap as well.

To me it's about need. A 4 day old sobbing simply comes before a 2 year old throwing a tantrum because I'm not reading her story for the 5th time that day. And to me, part of being an older sibling is learning how to wait. I believe it's imperative actually for a child to learn to wait and learn patience and learn that they won't always come first. And I tend to point out shows like Ki-Lan where the youngest goes first, ALWAYS, so she knows it's not abnormal or strange.

I am likely to sit on the floor though when both want attention and do something that both can enjoy, and snuggle both of them. I make sure that I spend special one on one time with each of them that the other does not share in (today I took my daughter on her trike while he was napping, the other day I tickled and sang him songs while she was doing something else.) After his stories, her and I have a special story time where we are reading a chapter book right now that I think is age appropriate. To me, who comes first doesn't matter nearly as much as "Did you get special time with mom today?"

For the record, there is evidence to support that leaving a baby to scream for 5 minutes while you pay attention to the older one can be damaging and make it harder to calm the newborn down. Also, to me, it seems that it would give the impression to the older child that even if their baby brother/sister is sobbing then we can ignore them, they come first. I want to encourage my child to see their younger sibling as needing their help and care, and giving the message that "mom's just going to ignore baby because he's not as important as you" is asinine.

So far for me this hasn't been an issue. The newborn is only 4 1/2 days old. But if he cries and my 2 year old wants my attention, there usually isn't much of a wait. I am breastfeeding, so I just get the baby latched on and then go sit and play with my oldest. Diaper changes, I just tell my 2 year old to wait. I've also been trying to spend any extra time with my 2 year old. If the baby is napping or just sitting there happily, I play with my oldest. so far it's working and I haven't had any issues.

I agree with the previous answers. When the young one is still an infant, if they don't need something urgently then pay attention to the older child first so they don't feel ignored. The fact is babies NEED attention almost constantly. So in quiet moments it is good to give more attention to the older one. Once the little one is past infancy, then it is about equal attention or taking turns.

The baby doesnt know, This is a time where you are trying to help the old child to not feel left out since the baby will be being held a lot.

This saying is for babies that don't know you are giving the other the attention first. Once they reach awareness you need to treat both equally. Mine were 1.5 yrs apart and I cuddled both at the same time a lot. You can also rotate who gets your attention first if it is something other than cuddles.

logic behind it is that the older child will remember being asked to wait and feeling left out. the baby wont remember if they cry a few extra minutes. as the baby gets older, of course take turns.

Your baby depends on you for everything & requires more attention. I would have the toddler wait unless its a emergency.

I go to whoever needs my help more urgently. I don't care who is oldest/youngest.