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I REALLY need help with my husband.?

My husband and I used to be so great together. Even our pastor told us she'd NEVER seen a more compatible couple. After our twins were born (now 1 1/2 years) the financial burden ahas really taken a toll. He is working full time and taking two college classes. He also has depression but we cannot afford the medication and do not qualify for discounts on the medication. So, he is unmedicated.

I stay at home with our twins but have also started working part-time online. I got the job to try to relieve some of the burden from him financially.

I'm seriously getting 4 to 5 1/2 hours of sleep per night, every night. I do all of the housework, all of the childcare (save one diaper change per night) and now working as well.

Anyway, my husband over the last few months has started to blow-up and scream at me constantly, over nothing. It seems like everything I say he interperates as me being disrespectful and unloving. Seriously. I'll tell him for the 10 billionth time to pick his dirty underwear PILE off of the bedroom floor and he will scream at ME over the way I told him to pick it up. Seriously.

It's getting to the point, I don't even want to talk to him at all. He can't constantly scream at me for ridiculous nonsense all the time. Yeah, he has depression, I get it (I used to have depression for 10 years, not anymore) but that doesn't mean you can ruin other people's lives.

I can't talk to him about it. I've been attempting to for months, and he always just starts screaming at me. I try to take the blame so he doesn't feel attacked, but he still says I am blaming him for everything.

I don't know what to do. Please help me :'(

Update:

I encourage him to go out with friends when he wants to. Unfortunately we can't go on "dates" because we have nobody to babysit. Instead, I have been waking up early to spend time with him before he leaves for work, and also we will stay up late on weekends to spend together.

Update 2:

He refuses to go to counseling.

Update 3:

I don't know why people are focusing on the underwear thing. It is just a quick example. I don't like touching other people's dirty underwear that he has been farting in all day.

Update 4:

My husband also gets between 8 - 10 hours of sleep every single night, and that is fine with me if it would make him happy, but it still doesn't

9 Answers

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  • Merry
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Medication for depression can be very expensive. However; you can get some of the older drugs (like prozac) for $10 for a 90 day supply. Research costs (be sure to call lots of different pharmacies to compare prices), and ask his doctor if one of the cheaper drugs would work.

    If the cheaper ones don't work, check out patience assistance programs like http://rxassist.org/

    It sounds like he needs some therapy and the two of you could use some couples counseling. If you can't afford the medication, I'm guessing counseling would be an expense issue also. However; you mentioned your pastor. Does she do counseling? Many pastors do. If not, I bet she could refer you to someone who could help.

    Since you've experienced depression yourself, you know how awful and debilitating it can be. Men tend to blow up during the times that a woman might curl up into a ball. It's just a different way of expressing it.

    Exercise can make a big difference with depression. Get him to go for a run, walk, or bike ride everyday. I know his time his limited, but getting exercise in will be an investment in himself and your family.

    Maybe you could even put twins in their stroller and make it a family walk at times – but I think in general, he needs to do “hard exercise” to help with his mood.

    Good luck!

  • 9 years ago

    I would recommend having special nights together, away from the kids and doing something like a movie date or something... and then having an alone night where each of you does something on your own to de-stress. That's how I deal with things. I tend to de-stress at work because I find being alone when you are tied together so often helps alleviate too much pressure which can result from a relationship.

  • 9 years ago

    You guys need to get away for a lil bit...just the both of you...take the kids to their grandparents or another family memeber...like you said hes is depressed and overworked...he doesnt wanna come home and hear you nag at him about some dirty clothes....his mind is worrying about more then just petty stuff(housecleaning stuff is petty to him)

    I dont know how you feel about self medicating since you say you go to church...but marijuana will help with his depression...there are other ways to take it other then smoking it...there are ediables and drinks..

    You need to understand that he is stressed about being able to take care of his family...I know youre busy too with the kids(thats a full time job in itself) plus a parttime job....Just get away for the weekend and unwind and relax with each other...

    Source(s): Married with one child...I work my wife doesnt...so I feel the same way...I myself self medicate and that helps as well...good luck!!
  • 9 years ago

    Really I think both of you need a marriage counselor. While it isn't unreasonable to want someone to pick up after themselves, that is a really stupid thing to start an argument over. Yet you feel the need to bring it up countless times rather than just doing it and he feels the need to snap at you rather than just doing it. It seems to me like you both have deeper issues that - really nobody who hasn't seen you together and is able to give objective unbiased feedback - can answer.

    If it really is just the little things try making a list of things you want him to get done and put it somewhere he will see them like the fridge. Don't put it in a room he goes to relax. Don't continue to nag him, just put it on the list and let him get it done when he feels like it. Again this will only work if there isn't a larger issue.

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  • atac
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    I consider its most important to seem at what retailer the receipt is from as good as what used to be bought. It might deliver you clues as as to if he used to be skipping paintings to do whatever he shouldnt had been doing. If its whatever typical, like groceries, perhaps the time used to be fallacious. Try and consider again to whilst he bought the object at the receipt. Perhaps its from a deliver retailer and he needed to prefer whatever up for his workplace? If that doesnt aid, I could name, or move to the shop, and ask the cashiers if the time is often proper and that i could enquire approximately the object that used to be bought at the receipt. Once once more, if its whatever minute, I wouldnt fear approximately. But without doubt if its whatever that he shouldnt had been shopping then you definately will have to absolutely carry it up.

  • 9 years ago

    U tell him top pick up his underwear? Seriously -- how much time would it cost U to pick it up and avoid his screaming? Of course U don't get enough sleep -- that is what motherhood is all about. U R the maid and housekeeper and whatever else he can get out of U. Chill out sis. He feels sure he is the most stressed being the bread winner. Nice of U to try to help out financially, but no matter how much U help it will never be enough. I went to work to help my family too, but I have never in 7 years ever heard one thank U for helping with groceries, gas, vet bills, household goods, etc. U need to find non medical ways to relieve his stress. I do have sympathy for U with twins and all, but men are such big babies and U will always have to take care of all the details -- like picking up the laundry.

  • Sleepy
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    I think he should go in for counselling. See if that helps and brings a positive change in his behaviour.

  • 9 years ago

    GO GET A JOB! Your husband needs medication and you can't afford it so go out and get a job and help take care of your family's needs. Your kids are old enough to go to daycare. he blows up because he needs the medication...wake up!

  • 9 years ago

    Girl, that's why you should have on a sexy revealing maid servant outfit and kneel down and pick up them drawz!!

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