Can someone answer this age-old question?

Sadly it does sound like he's putting the dampers on the relationship before it's begun. But he may just be protecting himself after some unfortunate experiences in the past - but he's perhaps being a bit too cautious. It's almost like he's trying to predict the future before it has happened - and that's very unfair on you.

I think the older we get the more we sometimes think we have to lose. But he seems to be putting up too many emotional walls, there hardly seems like any room to stretch. There is no room for building any future dreams together - and no room for spontaneity and I think that's very important for any long-term relationship. You should ask him "What's so wrong about falling in love?" It could be that he's just grown bored of it all, and thinks it's all too much effort.

But you need to make your own needs known. Let him know that you would feel uncomfortable staying in a relationship where everything is already set in stone. You also need room for the other possibilities. Don't be afraid to stand up for the kind of relationship you believe in. If he's not willing to consider your feelings, then maybe you should end the relationship and move on with your life. Find your happiness elsewhere. Never settle for second best.

Save the sex for somebody who deserves it. Good luck! :-)

Hi there!

I have to agree with Butterscotch above - I think you owe it to yourself to make your feelings clear and known to him so that you don't have to compromise what you want out of the relationship. If you haven't already told him how you feel and how you feel your relationship will suffer down the road, I think it's a good idea to start with that and see how he responds. As much as it hurts to know the truth, you deserve that and to know where your relationship with him stands as you move forward. There's always the risk in relationships of losing what you've started to build, but I think you have the right idea in taking stock of it now instead of trying to change things later on. I have to commend you for that :)

In our community we talk a lot about relationships and dating, and the consensus seems to be that at the end of the day you have to go with your gut and what feels right to you, what will make you happy. Taking a look at the bigger picture, if this man continues to put up walls, consider what effect that will have over time (as I think you are already doing) and how much of that you're willing to take. I know it's easier to speak objectively on that, and I don't mean to sound insensitive at all - but in my opinion you shouldn't have to sacrifice your wants and interests in a way that may generate bitterness over time. On the other side of things, he may have his own fears that prevent him from being in love...if there's a chance he's willing to open up a discussion on that, then perhaps you can both consider things from both sides and work on it together. But if he continues to shut you out, it's important that you let him know how that makes you feel.

I wish there was an easier answer for this, as I think many of us have been in similar situations and know how complicated it can be over something that seems like it should be so simple :P But I do hope that you're able to work something out and hash out how you're both feeling, and come to an agreement on that where the both of you feel right about it.

Feel free to join us over at Comfort Life for more conversation and information that may help :) Best of luck!

If sex is all he is after then I don't want him. You have to decide what road you want to travel.

You already have his answer right now, live with, if you can't say good-bye.