My husband has hidden agenda.he wants to bring his son to live together & i don't like him?

If his son is priority number 1, that is a HUGE red flag. You need to put the marriage first for it to succeed, and that goes for BOTH of you.

His son may be troubled, and he does need to prioritize his relationship with his child - but he's also a grown-up 18 year old, not a young child who needs to be eased into the idea of his father having a "lady friend" or a "stepmother".

It's also very disturbing that he didn't talk to you BEFORE the marriage about wanting his son to live with you.

I think it's going to be a matter of when, not if, you're going to need marriage counseling. For your husband to hit you with this ultimatum after marriage, is a bad sign.

PS - to the person who says, "If you don't love the son, you don't love him," that's balderdash. If she didn't *respect* the bond between father and son, that's one thing. She hasn't known the child long enough to develop a loving relationship, and it's not rational to demand one off the bad, or rational to insist that she just blindly accept that the son be placed before her on the ladder.

My husband's stepmother doesn't particularly care for him, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love my father-in-law - and whatever her flaws are, she does love him.

Divorced parents often spoil their children because they find it hard to be tough on them because they feel guilty about the divorce.

Whether you knew his son wanted to live with you or not, you DID know that his son was his first priority and it probably should have occured to you this might happen and have had a conversation about it.

All you can do now is sit down with your husband and agree to a set of rules that the son HAS to live by and make sure your husband knows that if the rules aren't followed and he isn't willing to enforce them you will leave. Of course they have to be reasonable rules.

This boy is 18 - it is NOT as though you will have to take care of him like you would if he were younger so you don't really HAVE to like him - you and he just have to be civil to eachother. That being said, make an effort. He is probably a good kid and you just haven't seen it yet.

So, what is your question???

You are free to tell your husband if his adult child will be living with you two, then he has to earn his keep or he cannot stay...that means paying some rent, doing some chores, and overall being a contributing member of the household...

If he wants to let the kid sponge off of y'all and rule the roost, then you can tell him you won't live there as long as his leech of a child does...make it clear he needs to require the kid to behave like a responsible adult, or he can deal with the kid on his own...

When you get married to someone you have to deal with everyone in their life. A parent is supposed to care about his or her children. If my step mother said something like this about me (I'm not really rebellious or anything like that) but either way my dad would get pretty pissed because he loves me. It's sort of his job. Children really always should come first. Yeah I could be saying that because I'm 20 and not a parent but regardless like the person who answered before said it's his child and you have to be respectful of that.

Well he sort of tricked you into this. I wouldn't just go along and accept it without a good talk with your husband. Then again, the boy may not be as awful as you think. Give it some time and give the boy a chance.

You should let him live there. Sounds like a fun kid. Plus, he'll bring around some hotties for Pops to check out.

if you cant love his son you don't love him i wouldn't care what my wife's kids are like if he steals from you or hurts you call the cops he's 18 grow up and deal with your problems