Husband doesn't help cook or clean apartment.?

He works for money 40 hours of the week.

You work for money 25 hours of the week.

Would you say that YOUR work .. both paid AND housework comes to 40 hours a week?

If so, then it is equal.

If you put in more time, then it is not equal.

Both parties should end up having the SAME amount of "free time", in an equal marriage.

However, there is also the issue of WHOSE standards are THE standards.

I liked a neater house than my 1st husband did, and he never lifted a finger to help.

My 2nd husband likes a neater house than I do .. and I have to pay attention to make SURE that I do MY share (we both work 40 hours a week, btw).

You have tried to change him.

He does not want to change.

You cannot make him want to change, except perhaps by leaving him .. and even then, if you FORCE cooperation, it isn't going to last.

The solution is unpleasant, but very simple:

Either he is worth putting up with the inequity or he is not worth it.

Either you accept and relax and just accept that this is the price of having him as your husband ... or you get a divorce.

Because if you keep on getting upset with him, you will alienate both yourself and him too .. and the marriage will end .... slowly, bitterly and painfully. Don't do that to yourself.

Either accept him or leave him.

First of all, I have to ask, how old are you, and how long have you been married? I feel for you, but from my personal experience of 23 years of marriage, you need to get to work, and stop complaining. You need to realize, and come to peace with the idea that he is not going to help you. That said, get over it, or leave. There's not a whole lot more to it than that. I can dress it up, and tell you to ask him nicely, but change comes hard for adults. Whether you work or not, your man will still see you as a subordinate, and you are to work in the home. The feminist movement has really screwed up life for women. We now have to work the home, and go out in the work place. We asked for, we got it. Double duty... I run a farm, home, and everything involed in a families life. I even have to make repairs, and I'm not talking a nail here or there. I fixed our septic, water main, and painted the entire house. But life is still good. Be proud that you can do what you do, and he can't. Try accepting him for who he is, rather than wanting him to be different. If you wanted something different, you should have chosen someone else. Be content with what you have. Your life could be a lot worse.

You could do like me and just quit working. My husband actually ended up liking it this way. I can do all the stuff during the day while he is at work and then when he gets home we can just spend time together doing whatever we want to. (However he still cooks some on the weekends - but he likes to cook.)

Other than that the only thing I suggest is really talking with him about it and give him ONE chore to do. Know that he wont always do it but just that one thing will really help out. After awhile he will end up doing more things on his own lol. My husband usually washes his own work clothes.

Also know that you can let things slide and the house wont fall down around you. I used to be a clean/neat freak when we first married, but now 19 years later I clean when it's needed, mostly because I have more chores/errands now that we have children.

But stress to him you are NOT his mother but his PARTNER!

You help with finances and he should help with household chores. I think that he has unrealistic demands on you as a wife. 1 meal isn't much to ask. My husband enjoys cooking on the weekends. He'll make a big breakfast or fire up the grill and smoker. The lack of interest in sex is a direct result of him running all over you. It's hard to want someone who takes advantage. He can either man up, or you could also quit your job. If you have to be the woman then be the woman. Just think of all you could do in 25 hrs.. Yoga, train for a marathon, get your nails done, drink bourbon while you fold laundry...

If you want a man to support you financially you have to be willing to support him domestically. You can't be all feminist when you're husband is bringing home the bacon for you. Personally I'd rather cook dinner and clean a tiny apartment than work 40hours a week and I think most people would. And when you go out Sunday who pays the bill?

If it doesn't take long to clean, only takes 30 mins to cook a meal, you work parttime therefore have more time than he does, why are you complaining. You can continue doing it & ask him for assistance with dinner or other chore on his days off, only to make it something else that you guys do together as a couple.

Start slow and methodical. Make a list of tasks, the time it takes, the method of execution, and when they need to be done. Ask him which one's he would like to do. If none, no dinner, no sex. You want lovings? Take a task and when I see you doing it on schedule several times, you get play time. Us guys are just grown up children. (except us military guys, we have been trained to clean) Method of execution. It takes me ten minutes to clean a toilet. Brush, blue cleaner, then clorox wipes for both sides of seat, top rim, outside of bowl, and surrounding floor. Wipes go in trash, not down the tube. Praise him at the slighest sign of progress. Remember, he is always 13 years old between the ears. Tip: cleaning one thing every day is easier than hours on one day a week. Windex for kitchen counters, stove top, and floor.

""" I don't like him or because he has eczema that has gotten really bad."""" Wow! I would suggest counseling. I wouldn't want to be married to you if I was deathly sick.

As for the cleaning, sounds like you want to be treated as a Princess. Have everything done for you.

Juts stap kookin an cleenin an he willz get da messagez to klean up hiz owne mezzes

you need to sit down with him and ask him to pick up after himself. if he doesn't do this, then you do it or live in slop or leave