I disappoint my husband because I am not the wife he wants me to be. How can l live with the constant anger and judgement I feel from him?

Trying to keep up with everything can certainly be overwhelming, and while you don't have to be perfect, there are ways you can improve your situation. Maybe hire someone to come in and help you with organizing things. There are professional "organizers" who can help you make sense of certain spaces in your home. They only need to come over once and hopefully they can get your started in the right direction. As for your commute, that is a HUGE amount of time to be on the road. I agree that you should look elsewhere for work, as two hours is time you could be spending at home and with your husband. I hope your husband helps around the house and that not all the cleaning is left up to you. If your husband is angry and you feel like you're being judged, then your husband needs to work with you and be supportive, and you both need to figure out why he is so judgmental. I think once you are able to get better organized and live more comfortably, things will improve with your husband.

What I am reading here is that you have anxiety and depression . Not only are you miserable but you make him miserable too .

Time for you to make some serious changes . Improve your organizational skills , learn to prioritize , make the most of your time with your husband even if it's not a lot .

Consider a different job with less of a drive , maybe hire a housekeeper to come in a couple of times a month .

Shaking things up may be unsettling but if you both end up even a little happier it will be worth it .

Divorce is always an option, but you may not choose to take advantage of it. That doesn't mean you couldn't or that your husband might not make that choice. Nobody is required to stay in a miserable relationship.

So, ask him what needs to change for things to improve in your marriage. Do you need to find a job closer to home, even if it means a pay reduction? Do you need to speak to a grief counselor about your personal tragedies so you can put them to rest? Do you two need to hire a housekeeper to tidy up weekly or bi-monthly?

Work together to figure out what will help get things on track. Communicate. You can't fix problems until you identify them, and it's rare that either party in a marriage is completely without fault for any problems in the marriage. A couples counselor might be able to help.

First thing first, you can't change to be the one he wants you to become, you are who you are. If he gives you crap about that tell him to FU, he married you and this is who you are, he needs to deal with it and back the hell off. His bashing you will not help you to get your act together, it will only create more uncertainty in your mind and make the situation worse, probably already has had the effect on you. Part of the abuse cycle. If you really want to change, as you are describing, then checklist, daily organizers are what you need to set up and start living by.

I don't honestly have an answer for you because when you're burning a candle at both ends there's not a whole lot you can do except endure it until you quit your job or quit your marriage. I think you should quit your job though; 4 hours of driving every day is not worth whatever they are paying you.

Looking elsewhere may give you more pain and anguish. Your question suggests you have had more than your fair share of pain, so don't add to it now. Instead try sitting with your Husband and tell him how you ffeel and why. It is not admission of defeat, just an insight for him to see you are going through tough times and need his support.

You can stick around with an abusive husband, or you can leave him and be happy.

If you want to make yourself miserable by thinking that "divorce is not an option," then be my guest. He clearly feels that treating his wife like a human being is "not an option."

Could you seek employment closer to home? A 2 hour commute would be difficult for anyone. It also sounds like maybe talking to a counselor might help you put your issues into perspective.

have you seen a doctor? You should. Sounds like something is going on. Depression is one.

build confidence in yourself