Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn't love me or care. My husband & I been married a year. He has anger issues & blows up dumb stuff.?

Question

I knew he has anger issues before we married I didn't know they are this bad. I didn't live with him before marriage. I ask him to spend more time with me. He claims he too tired to stand up & it's my fault if I don't watch TV shows with him. I ask for only 2 days out of week & Saturday.  I ask him why he always blows angry at me & yells & why he rolls his eyes when I ask for hugs or kisses. He used this awful tone if I keep talking with him at times or will make mean comments. We cleaned up our apartment all day & he was irritable. I been holding everything in. So later when he said something I exposed, start crying,  & talking about everything.  He claims to be happy in our marriage, but I am not. We have some good days, but a lot were getting unbearable to the point I resent him. I tried to talk with him he went in our bedroom & started throwing things. Then I did all the talking & making up. I admit I do nag, but I don't a wife that doesn't.  I do talk a lot & get emotional.  He doesn't bother talking when he upset. When I cry it gets worse because he hates it. I don't know what to do anymore I poured my heart out telling him how I feel. He just sits there with a blank face then exposes like a volcano when something is said he doesn't like. I asked to please try do better & compromise for the both of us. If anyone has any advice. He was not like this when we're dating. He would listen & comfort me.

seedy history · Accepted Answer

The first few years of a marriage can be the most challenging. One reason is that it is, sometimes, really hard for people to believe they get to be happy. In fact, many couples are crippled by this lack of belief. And it is often not about the choice of spouse but a lack of real belief in their own ability to make great choices for themselves. When two people marry who BOTH share this trait...there is a lot of work to be done.

It can be done. A person who is unhappy with one decision is not necessarily going to be happy with another one so the trick is to learn to really trust yourself and your choices and decisions. A lot of people get married BEFORE they have learned this and it can shadow everything in their lives. They can believe, quite falsely, that someone else is suppose to make them happy. The only person who can make you happy is yourself. This is true for everyone.

Perhaps your husband feels lucky.. but doesn't trust himself to have deserved it and is undermining his happiness, and the way he interacts with you, because he has fears of his ability to be happy. Perhaps you have this trait yourself. It is not uncommon. It is, however, common in marriages that do not hold on long enough to learn that they are, in fact, a success!

So I must ask YOU a question. Why do you need comforting? How did you and your husband get into the habit of him comforting you before marriage .... with him likely anticipating that him marrying you would solve your need for comfort, yet you continue to need comfort.. and comfort... and ... well... he may well be in a spin of feeling so UNSUCCESSFUL at comforting you he's nearly given up.

Why do you require comfort? It is a worthy question. What is going on with YOU, besides his lack of understanding, that requires continual comforting? Your guy sounds incredibly confused. Why are you deciding to be miserable and blame him for it? Could it be that you are not trusting YOUR choices?

Anonymous · Answer

Jersey shore

Anonymous · Answer

Couples counseling if you two can't fix things, or end the marriage.

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Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn't love me or care. My husband & I been married a year. He has anger issues & blows up dumb stuff.?

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