Am I just being mean towards him?

I think that you can see at this point that your boyfriend is controlling, something that is harder to see at first. If your adult son helps with bills and chores that is pretty good! You have done well! You don't want to ruin that relationship for a boyfriend who wants to control. I would have a hard time believing that a man could make the proper decisions towards a son that is not his. You know better if you feel that he is wrong because you love your son and you want what is best for him. Either your boyfriend understands that or he has to leave.

youre not the one being mean, he is, maybe you should dump him

He is not helping you,and you need to tell him that.

He might mean well.

But one thing I learned is to never change for anyone.

Talk to him,and make him listen.

May be old fashioned, but a man who is only "dating" you doesn't deserve the right to insert himself in any of your financial or child rearing decisions. Those are joint decisions made by a married couple or by a single person taking good care of themselves.

Its NOT being mean.

He's making plans for your money. Should kick him out and acknowledge him as a "friend". That disables him from making any kind of decisions in your household. He would be there for one reason and one reason only.

You not married, your choices are solely your own, he needs to respect that.