Please help me, I’m feeling so strange..?

I don’t know know what I’ve been feeling but it’s confusing, anxious, feeling sick, discomfort.. I’ve also been dealing with some bacteria that makes it hard to eat and use the restroom.. I got pills for it but I don’t know if it’s the pills that are affecting me or myself.. at times I think of my boyfriend and I love him but other times I don’t know how to feel towards him.. but of course I still care about him deeply. I’m just really scared I might loose feelings towards him.. I even talked to him and he understands and he still loves me. When I’m home I feel gross, discomfort, empty.. I’ve lived here my whole life and I feel like my mum will never let me move out cuz I don’t know much things or have any money nor a job and I can’t drive.. I’ve been feeling like this for a few days now, it just randomly came to me... my friends say it’s probably those pills or I’m just being suffocated being all all day everyday.. I’m so stressed I don’t know what to do anymore but think I just want to die or hurt myself but I can’t do that. I’m a coward and promised my bf I won’t hurt myself again. I don’t know how to explain anymore because I don’t know how I’m feeling. I want out more, I want a place to feel calm but being stuck here feels like it’s just making me even worse.. I’ve only told a few people about how I feel but I feel like I should talk to a real Tharapiest.. I just don’t know who or where plus no money.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. this awful feeling in my chest..