The Master

A few years ago I met these two friends of mine at this group meeting. On of them was totally cool and everyone knew him and the other not many people knew and wasn't very involved in the group culture because he thought it was cliquey. Their names will be George and Karl respectively. I came into the group and rose almost immediately in popularity by being invited by other friends. I am not a very experienced person in life (still having trouble coming out of my shell). We got together and were going to go on a triple date but I got nervous and me and George sort of turned on Karl part because I was nervous but also because George had some other problems with him. Karl flipped out and stopped hanging with us for a short time. He returned later during the summer to rejoin and ended up causing me to leave because I didn't want to move in with him since I was still in school at that time. He flipped which was the main reason I left.

Everyone in my group can't stand this kid (Karl) but standing up to him is impossible for everyone in the group (including George) since he has had a rough upbringing. It is to the point with me where when he is around I feel sick to my stomach and tend to just naturally leave him out because he acts so miserable.

I have questioned whether to be his friend or move on. Whether I should come out of my shell since I feel like it would help me. His idea of that seems to be almost losing myself. Now I feel like the bad guy too because I feel guilty about everything I don't do for this kid (Karl). I also feel like I am caught in a routine and no on really wants to do what I want to do.

I posted two questions on what to do about some difficult friends of mine. This a summary:

I have two friends and one of them is a wild drama queen, the other a conservative straight shooter. We have a somewhat codependent friendship based off a thing we call accountability. I have very little social experience because I have a very stable upbringing where as the other two don't really. I have called out the wild one many times because I act as a middleman for the group because I have no drama because of my stable upbringing. I hear everyone's opinions. We all met at a Christian young adults group. Me and the conservative one became leaders but the conservative one showed increasing codependency on the drama queen. I have been friends with these two for 3 years. There drama distracts me and I dunno if it is my fault or theirs. Now the wild one doesn't come to the young adults group and occasionally the conservative one who sides with him doesn't either. They seem to lay a lot of guilt trips and are very cliquey. I feel a lot like I have to follow them all the time because I don't every have much say. I don't want to compromise the things I hold dear for them. I also have been trying to spread out my social life at the young adult's group being the leader and all and I feel like there are guilt trips dumped on me because I don't hang out with them all the time. I encourage you all to read the full story but these are the highlights.

To see the full question:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Al5mK...

I do not care how you answer this but just answer it with what you think is right and be as harsh yet rational as possible...

I have these two friends that I have been somewhat close with for the last three years. We all met at a young adults group at my church. We all entered into kind of a very intimate (where we shared very secret stuff) friendship. One of my friends is a very conservative acting straight shooting Christian and the other is a very wild dramatic Christian. Both come from difficult yet manageable backgrounds. Now about me I come from a very conservative, ultra-undramatic, loving Christian household. I have been rather conservative most my life but sometimes realize that it is hard to relate to some people and over the last few years have been trying to loosen up.

So multiple times throughout our friendship I would have trouble having confidence to try stuff and everytime it seems the wild one goes into a dramatic rage. He would sometimes even critisize me for not "coming out of my shell". This pisses me, the conservative one, and other friends in my group off a lot because it seems like the drama affects everyone not just me. Also our friendship has been centered on trying to help each other. So two years ago he want me to move in with him and I told him I still had school to finish and that I was living with my parents (where I didn't have to pay anything except car insurance). He flipped out and in turn turned the conservative one against me too. I had no choice but to quit our friendship right then and there. Then they gave me the silent treatment for a week in which the conservative one didn't even treat me like I was in the room.

So we made up the next summer. Everything cleaned up and we started to be more friendly again. Throughout that year everything was good yet this wild guy seemed a little distant from what he used to be the previous summer. So he gets a girl at the end of the summer and she dumps him and he goes into hiding and doesn't answer anyone of our calls. The consevative one is very liberal at this point with him, though early on he was very conservative with him in his life style. Behind the scene however the conservative one is very concerned and a little pissed as is other friends in our group. Now throughout these last few years I have been giving the wild one a ton of advice (which is very confrontational and harsh) some which after a lot of trial an error he responds to.

He ends up going away for a short time for work and while he is away my entire group including his "friend" the conservative one, starts talking crap behind his back. Then one of my friends from the group who was dating someone else in the group told me some things that this guy was saying to his girl on text one night. I got mad and told him something I probably shouldn't have told him (pretty much ratted me and the group out about the comments behind his back including sticking up for my friend's girl's problem which I am not even sure was something worth getting involved in). This guy doesn't trust me that much anymore (which in someway I am glad since now I won't hear anything that could piss me off). He threatened to leave forever but the conservative one sympathized with him and he changed his mind.

So he came back to the area and we still hung out but he was much more careful this time around I mean so far I haven't heard much negative stuff...

So on to me...I went back to college for the fall and cut back on driving down to hang out so much to focus more on school and less on social life especially the drama from being down with them. I also became a leader with the conservative one at our young adults group. I have also tried to invest more time in serving the people at the group rather than cliquing out. I haven't totally denied my friends but I try to talk to other people at the group. Ever since the fall the wild one doesn't come to the group anymore and conservative one comes once in a while. This has bothered me and the other leader since he hasn't been very involved. Since I know him so well I know when the conservative one doesn't come he is probably hangin with the wild one.

I try hard not to think about it. Whenever someone plans a social event for the group it seems like if I don't go to something that they go to they don't go to any of these social groups. Since I was so close with them everyone who knows how tight we were asks where they are half the time. Also this whole situation has made me kind of compromise my values such as being really mean to my parents, who love me unconditionally and a super wise. I get obsessed with this situation because I have been "friends" for so long with these guys. I feel sometimes like I am being fake by trying to make other friends and kind of leaving these guys in the dust once in a while. I feel like both of my friendships with these guys are built on guilt trips.

What words of w

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