Roosterkroozer

What turned you away from the Church and spirituity? Search your heats before being a smart-aleck on this one. I will bounce you right out if you give a demeaning and juvenile answer. This is a serious question to make you look at your own life and tell me you're really in control.

I want to convert a 2001 Crown Victoria to a flex-fuel vehicle (E-85) and I need to know what all I need to change besides the fuel pump. Any good Ford Gurus out there?

decided to find a surrogate mother to do the deed. They mixed their "baby batter" and had the lab do the deed for them. Nine months later they all were at the hospital after the surrogate mother had their baby boy.

The two guys were looking into the nursery window at the babies and noticed they were all crying, except for one happy little fellow. When the nurse asked them which child was theirs, they told him the name. She picked up the one child who wasn't howling and showed them "their" son.

"Oh, look," remarked one of the two, "our child is so happy! I'm so glad!"

"Think so?" the nurse asked. "Just wait 'til I pull the pacifier out of his ***!"

It scares the hell out of the dog!

There was a reserve Colonel who was injured in a car accident in Baghdad last week. His injury was enough to keep him hospitalized, and he was the worst of patients toward the orderlies and nursing staff. Finally, one of the orderlies, after having taken enough of his guff, decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Sir," he said, "I need to take your temperature."

"Okay," he snarled, as he opened his mouth begrudgingly.

"No, Sir, we need to take it the other way. Please roll over. It's the most accurate way," the private "meekly" responded.

About three minutes later, one of the enlisted men from his battalion came by and asked him, "Colonel Frankton, just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" the colonel snarled.

"Not with a daffodil, Sir."

When she saw the vibrators and other "toys" she asked what they were. The clerk told her, so she decided to get one for herself. After having browsed the wall, she told the clerk she wanted the red one. He told her she couldn't have it. After a few rounds of negotiating to no avail, she asked him why she couldn't have it.

He answered, "Lady, that's our fire extinguisher!"

Ever hear about the mischevous angel that came down from heaven and brought a hundred-year-old pair of statues (one male, one female, of course) to life? He told them they had one hour to do whatever they wished. The male statue winked at the female, and they both jumped behind the bushes. For about 30 minutes they giggled, thrashed about and made the "usual" noises, and then emerged from behind the bushes.

The angel, winking, told them, "You still have 30 minutes. Is there anything you would still want to do?"

The male statue told the female statue, "Okay, Baby, this time I'll hold the pigeon and YOU crap on its head!"

"Bite, Baby, BITE!"

Mother Theresa finally got to meet Princess Diana, once they both got to heaven. Afterward the old Nun went to St. Peter and asked him why Di's halo was bigger than hers.

"Mother Theresa," St Peter calmly replied, "you must look more carefully with those old eyes of yours. That's not a halo. It's a steering wheel."

Mahatma Ghandi, that wonderful gentle soul, was always plagued by bad health. We believe it is because he always walked barefoot and his body absorbed many of the pollutants through the soles of his feet, causing his health problems and eventual demise. This is assumed to be the case because of his constant bad breath. When he died, he was known as the super-fragile calloused mystic vexed by halitosis...

There was a teacher that wanted to teach her first graders about taste and flavors. She told them to close their eyes, open their mouths and then she took a drop of orange juice and dropped some into each of their mouths. She asked them what the flavor was and they shouted in unison, "ORANGE!"

"Very good, children. Now let's try this again. Close your eyes and open your mouths wide again."

They did, and she decided to cross them up by placing a honey-flavored Life Saver on their tongues. She asked them what the flavor was, only to be met with wondering eyes and bewildered stares. "Here's a hint," she said. "Sometimes your mother calls your father this."

One kid in the back screamed fearfully, "SPIT 'EM OUT! THEY'RE ASSHOLES!"

There was a meschevous orderly that decided his wards in a mental hospital had earned enough good points to go to a baseball game as a reward for their good behavior. When he got them to the stadium seats, he told them, "Sit down, Nuts!" They sat obediently. Then the announcer told the crowd to please rise and join in the singing of our national anthem, whereupon the orderly promptly said, "Stand up and sing, Nuts!" They stood, sang, and then were told by the orderly, "Sit down, Nuts!"

During the third inning, the umpire made a bad call, so the orderly told his charges, "Scream 'Boo,' Nuts!" They jeered and cat-called the umpire until they were told, "Be quiet, Nuts! We don't want him in here with us!"

In the fifth inning, one of the home team players hit a home run. The orderly said, "Cheer, Nuts!" They cheered until the batter had tagged all four bases and had gone back to the dugout. Then the orderly said, "That's enough. Sit down and be quiet, Nuts!" They again obeyed

located at 1004 Airport Rd, St John NF, Canada A1B3X5? I got a letter with a check concerning lottery winnings and I want to check this out before I make a total idiot out of myself. The idea is to check out this company before I send money to the address concerned. I'm no fool, but the check is on a US bank (Wachovia) and the bank says it's real. However, I'm not wiring ANYTHING until I hear from someone else...