Galtean Kaldi

I hear this piece of advice being thrown around like "who cares what other people think", and I think it was involved with being true to yourself and doing as you please.

But should I really take this piece of advice whole-heartedly...? It's not like I don't want to because other people can certainly be a pain in the butt...I wish I was that confident/arrogant to have the natural attitude "kiss my a-s!"

Here's an example of why I'm in doubt...

I was reading several chapters of Amanda Knox's memoir so far, and I'm at the point where she first steps into a prison facility and she takes off her clothes for inspection. At some points in the book, she mentions how she never bothered to pretend to be somebody she was not and always acted as herself. But her personality, lack of self-awareness, and frail grasp on the Italian language contributed to her being significantly suspect in the murder case in a foreign country.

In the aftermath, it seems like she has to take responsibility for all the never-ending exaggerated slander from the tabloids, cops, and everyday people that don't give a damn. I saw a brief interview with Diane Sawyer, and while she's asking the questions Sawyer comes across as judgmental.

Like I wonder what if Amanda decided to not write a memoir, what would be the consequences of doing nothing?

How do you handle all that pressure from all that massive scrutiny...public figures have it so tough, do they struggle with who they are at times? Like am I doing the right thing, who's wrong...who's right? I'm probably coming off as beating around the bush, but I'm not sure how to phrase it.

I don't. I'm uneasy about the idea because I don't remember anything. It's like how do you come up with this...?

If it's really true, is it necessary to remember in your case? How come I don't remember? I heard one reason is because you have to die numerous, numerous times to even recall anything, maybe it's true IDK.

If it isn't true, more mysteries about how the brain works I suppose...

I was in the perspective of a middle-aged Asian police officer who was undercover trying to pursue his son. Everytime he failed, he had to start over from where he left off when he was just blocks away from his son and his kidnapper, a heavy-set Chinese gangster boss with a white fedora hat. The bad guy and the young boy actually get along really well, like they're really family. The dream also runs like a video game with extra lives or chances.

The police officer and his associates were trying to blend into the scenery, even one of the undercover officers was pretending to walk with a noticeable limp (every time they had to start over). But for some reason we'd always get caught or noticed, and the kidnapper and the protagonist's son got away by car or something. For the first few times, all the protagonist did was follow them on foot a bit far from him but within sight. The final time he almost got really close to them, and there was an actual chase involving a motorcycle. He was too late because there was a crowd of people in a circle in the way, and I was running on foot.

I think I woke up with heavy breathing and almost cried. The policeman really loved his son, and never had a chance to spend time with him.

This is what the e-mail states...

"We noticed a login to your Yahoo! account (kishling) from an unrecognized device on Mon, Sep 9, 2013 7:38 PM WIT from Indonesia."

How does this happen? I never give out my password, but I bought several things with an Amazon account linked to that e-mail account. I use the Walmart MoneyCard to purchase things. I haven't been on my other e-mail account for a few weeks now, and I usually my other older one. I got this e-mail like last week, and I wasn't online for over a week.

So what's going on? Should I be pretty worried...?

"Most men live lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

Thoreau

I don't see how, I mean yeah it's sex and whatever...but in the end I don't see how this gets you to understand a person or gets you closer in a genuine way. It's like you got what you wanted and what I wanted in the meantime...what I find disgusting.

But whatever, I don't know crap.

What is it like between siblings, friends, parent to child, and spouses...?

How is emotional intimacy different from co-dependency or stuff you should only tell your therapist?

Is it necessary for a romantic relationship to become serious and long-lasting?

Can people go without emotional intimacy with others? And if they can, what they like without it? Is introspection and just loving yourself good enough?

You see I was visiting them for about four days, and I met my cousin's girlfriend. His mom or my aunt didn't know he had a girlfriend. The reason why he kept it secret is because his mom has the tendency to drive everyone crazy around her over things she doesn't like. He's had girlfriends before, but they weren't serious as much as this one according to him. And yes, she doesn't know about 'em either.

How she found out is of course me, but I didn't tell her anything. Now I'll tell you how it's all my fault. I told my mom how much I enjoyed the vacation which included his girlfriend. I told her and only her because she isn't the gossipy type. But she accidentally said something about my cousin's girlfriend to my father, who happens to be blood-related to my troublesome aunt. My mom told my dad not to say anything to his sister, but I'm guessing he did. My dad ended up asking my uncle/cousin's father if he knew his son had a girlfriend. Apparently my uncle did know, but he didn't make much of fuss out of it.

Earlier in the day, my aunt called me to ask if my cousin had a girlfriend. I said no, four or so times, and of course she knew I was lying. I even said it wasn't big deal because I had work to do, which I did. She was annoyed with how I thought my cousin's dating life wasn't an important matter too.

Now my cousins are screwed, and yes I have two cousins. I think their parents cut-off their phone service because I tried to call them a few hours before. Also the cousin with the girlfriend, just e-mailed with this, "Thanks for screwing me over."

I said sorry and told him what I think happened. Is there anymore that I can do? I think he hates me. Dx<

And his girlfriend, she's really, really nice. She even made a picnic for us, which she started at 9 AM all the way till 2 PM. She isn't a loser either, but she isn't my aunt's ideal material. In fact they were acquainted with one another way before this conflict, except my aunt didn't know who exactly she was. His girlfriend was in the back seat of their car, and came into the donut shop with my two cousins. She bought something, while my aunt was staring her down.

Both cousins and the girlfriend are in college and they're over the age of eighteen, all three of them are far from the partying types.

I've heard that it's around the late 1600s from another question ( http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201112... ). How do they compare to us; similar and dissimilar? Or is it too soon to ask such a question, since we're too young to have anything flesh out on what will make us distinct. I guess I'm asking this is because I've fallen out with my peers around the age of 14 and a half, and now I'm 21 and a half. I don't know what to say about us, so if any of you Pluto in Scorpio ladies and gents have any observations about our generation do tell.

I just don't know how generational aspects affect us and other generations, like Uranus Conjunct Neptune or Saturn Square Pluto. It's just too big for me. I mean I read the standard descriptions on the net like cloning and stuff, but it doesn't click and then they go on with all the flowery schtuff.

I have a Mercury Conjunct Pluto in Scorpio at the 10th House within two-three degrees; I also do realize alot of peeps are going to have this aspect, except in different houses and it would be even more important for a Gemini or Virgo rising. This aspect is in a considerably tight sextile with my Venus in Virgo at the 8th House, and all three planets are harmoniously in contact with my Capricorn ascendant within three or so degrees. Then I have my Sun Conjunct Mars in Scorpio at the 9th House, Mars in cusp with the 10th House.

---Optional Reading---

I just notice a very little something about how generational aspects work with personal planets. My cousin has a Mercury in Aries in a tight square aspect with Uranus Conjunct Neptune in Capricorn, but I don't know the houses because he refuses to tell me his birth time or he doesn't know. After he graduated HS, he told me that he lost a good amount of his friends and now he only has two he really trusts. He thinks the U.S. government is just bullsh*ting the masses, and thinks his age group is mostly schtoopid and shallow. He really liked George Orwell's 1984, it really spoke to him. He even told me something preposterous that he wanted to be a die for some significant cause like a matyr or something, and I told him a quote from J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye spoken by the protagonist's favorite teacher about young men preferring to die for something than live for something. And finally, he's studying Chemistry in a community college and does well in school. Oh and an atheist, the non-asshole sort.

And me, I have a Jupiter in Virgo Eighth House Trine Uranus Conjunct Neptune in Capricorn 12th House. I think this aspect contributes to my easy-going attitude towards everyone's beliefs and insecurities. All three of those planets also happen to be in tight sextiles with my Sun Conjunct Mars, in particular the Jupiter Trine Uranus.

I just don't get it...

Despite some of their exceptional physical endowments (not everyone though), but then what they hell is up with their heads anyway? What's going on in the world?

Like past resentment.

Like what should I DO?

Neutral thought processing:

I remember alot of stuff about usually interaction, what people say or did, too image-oriented, I remember lotsa people. It's not precise of course, but it's alot more distinct than numbers.

For some reason I've actually felt more affected by Saturn Retrograde transits, than direct. This is how I was affected by Saturn in Scorpio moving Rx, before it even became exact with my Scorpio MC of 11.47 and flew backwards. I didn't notice much of Saturn's warnings that you're running out of time, until it reached Rx. I finally, sort of anyway, taken several steps away from the "haze". I'm actually taking notice of bad habits and correcting them, however it's sort of like the "10 steps backwards and 1 step forward" thing...like four or five-six months before.

Now I'm up all night, and pretty upset with myself on what I believe in and don't know where to go. I actually wonder about Church, but I'm uneasy about really communicating with somebody...that i'll just end up just going along with it or getting along with others for the sake of it not much else--like going there is more likely a waste, maybe even a cover-up that things are getting better.

I'm actually a Saturn dominant and Cap rising you'll see with my chart. Why do you think I was more susceptible to Rx than direct anyway?

http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b568/EllenMAK/...

Y'know like some of them, so as not to feel lonely...? I'm sorry for being vague, but I'm one of those people who feel like they get left out alot. My family loves me very much, but I still get bogged down sometimes and then very angry for misinterpreting it all.

I'm not very much into God or anything, I'm an agnostic and I don't know what to decide upon. When I open the Bible, the way its written does not make sense to me at all.

I do like the way atheists think, but also I admire some church-goers with real conviction and a great sympathy for others. Y'know like this guy, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Kapaun. I chance read him up in an LA times article. When I think about God, I don't see him as an actual person. More like someone we should strive to be, and no I'm not talking about the God who excommunicates others for not following him. I've read up on Wicca, and they're great, but I'm not sure it clicks.

And another thing, I took a Myers Briggs Test /MBTI Personality Types a while back and scored very high on intuition. I really don't take statistics very seriously and I suck at math, even though I know I should try harder. I prefer drawing, but I'm really uninspired. Sorry if some of this makes no sense at all.

It took place in the house that I live right now, but the architecture has slight differences. I was in the master bedroom which also has an expansive closet that connects to the master bathroom. In the dream I was walking into the closet, and there is a very bright huge window instead of a small one. There were innumerable crows stuck in between the glass surface, trying to get in. I was surprised by this and immediately shut the door. All of sudden they managed to get through the window and bust through swarming all throughout the closet. First they slammed themselves into a wall opposite from the window, then they tried barging violently against the door I just closed.

I knew they were going to come through any minute, and my mom was inside the nearby bedroom dozing off. I desperately tried to wake my mom, and finally she woke and got the hell outta there.

I left the bedroom after her and tried to call out to my cousin and her husband (they recently had their first daughter, last Thursday), my younger brother and my other cousin to escape. They were all on the second floor. I had difficulty screaming and yelling out with my weak voice that they must leave now. Luckily they all heard me, and they ran downstairs. Then the dream cuts off.

In the "Grim Reaper" dream, he just sat in a chair and motionless. I was visiting relatives I wasn't aware of and an old man with a fisherman's hat owned the place. We were on the second floor. We eventually went to the next room that was actually the old man's bedroom where his TV was left on. I didn't notice the black hooded figure after a while in between conversations of other family members, and when I left the room I couldn't help but stare at the reaper until the old man shut the bedroom door.

They are not in order, especially since I don't remember for sure in what order they occurred in.

Also my cousin in my dream looks radically different in style. In the dream her hair is longer and curled with occasional streaks of purple, and wore a black and purple gothic style miniskirt, black tights, and boots.

What sort of psychology principles would apply to my experience? That's what I'm asking for.

These are the general details...

-I began staying home by myself everyday after school around late 2nd grade or early third grade year. Before this, I actually rotated through several different baby-sitters.

-Two ways I coped with the anxiety at home: "Caving in" (staying still, hiding in tight places, underneath blankets, and so on) or "Negotiation" (I would talk to the storm itself).

How I Got Over It...

I actually got over it in one day and the sequence of the events are pretty strange. During the afternoon just before the storm hit, as a class we were reading about a story of a young boy's fear of lightning and thunder. I didn't take the short story seriously. I thought it was long, boring and most of all utter B.S. as a matter of fact.

The storm reached its peak during school dismissal, I'm suppose to take the school bus home and my bus number happened to be one of the very last to arrive. Throughout the entire time of waiting and waiting, I finally broke down and cried around two other classmates that rode the same bus as me and my third grade teacher. I admitted in tears that I didn't want to spend another day all alone at home after school with the thunderstorm for who knows how many hours, and I was very embarrassed. Surprisingly the two kids didn't give me hard time for it, one of them was sympathetic which didn't give me much comfort and the kid who would usually tease me left me alone. My teacher consoled me with a guarantee that by the time I got home the thunder would cease, and she was right. I was so happy and relieved by the time I got home, and was hardly phased by the rumbling of thunder since then. I actually started looking forward to them.

I don't get it, how did I just get over it in just one day?

Like does it have something to do with self-awareness of myself and how I perceive what's going on around me?

Or it more likely has something to do with how others see me?

She's everywhere.

Tacky cartoon poster art, cigarette lighters, t-shirts after t-shirts...

People won't shut up about JFK on the news either. They're nice people and all, but all this marketing is just too much.

Why do people say it?

This is how it went, the story involves two protagonists that eventually reunite with each other in marriage. The heroine is a young noblewoman with thick, wavy, long blonde hair, very fair skin, and gray translucent-like eyes--I would call her a pure ingenue. I also assume that she's an heiress that would eventually inherit the expansive family estate where the dream takes place. The male protagonist is a handsome young man who is one of the many servants that maintain the estate's grandeur.

I didn't remember seeing much of the mansion itself, I only remember emerald green courtyards that would stretch forever and the catacombs or burial grounds comparable in size to the courtyards just above.

There was a plot in the dream where people of the estate, both servants and noblemen were disappearing one by one without a trace. I believe they've been kidnapped down beneath the burial grounds, I interpret this that they aren't given much focus. The two heroes team up with each other to find out what's going on, and the main goal is to escape. At one point, they emerged from the burial grounds through one of the many secret passages behind a row of giant garden bushes. I took the POV of the young woman at that point in time, and saw a servant following the two of us and then pulled back into the burial grounds with a strong, thick-fingered hand. I assumed the two of them went back down there to save this person, however the dream "skipped" ahead to a pretty dramatic wedding ceremony with just the two of them deep within the burial grounds in a room.

How the ceremony took place was that the woman was wearing a medieval-style gown in the colors of shimmering black and silver along with accents in the colors of mauve and gold. She was also wearing a golden headband as her wedding crown. She was atop an ivory platform with just a few steps leading to where she was and that she was also in between two tall white columns. The young man looked the same, except he pulled down his hat and was starstruck by just seeing her.

As he steps forward, she sways her right arm in a sweeping motion. Then the empty black space in between the two columns is filled with a flowing, deep blue curtain that ripples throughout and circles itself counterclockwise until both ends of this fabric touched--this was when they were about to be married/reunited, at least this is how I perceived it.

Prior to this dream, I had two dreams within months of each other that involved one woman dying in my bed and in the next few months a man/tree or wood spirit (perhaps inside of him) died in a room that I'm currently sharing with my younger brother. It wasn't literally his room, it was just similar in appearance to his bedroom.