Yvannah.

I'm feeling very alone right now, and when I do, I post poetry on how I'm feeling right now. Please read this. I'm raised under authoritarian parenting. If you don't know what that is, please look it up and become aware of it. Please don't raise your children under it. I promise you, it isn't the way kids should be raised. The first two lines of the last stanza is an actual statistic.

"Set in Stone"

I have eyes, my vision isn't mine

A mouth without a voice

A mind but no control of it

A will without a choice

No parties and no sleep overs

Just studying and tests

No real friends to call my own

Not ever a good night’s rest

This life is mine, but it isn’t

My path is set in stone

My career is padlocked tight

I’m not allowed to roam

Asian women, 15-24

Suicide: it is a risk

You don’t know or care to know

I’m becoming a statistic

Thank you.

Some of this stuff has been going on for quite some time.

1) My dad consistently calls me fat and will always tell me to lose weight. Even when I was in sports, I was still considered fat. The other day, he asked me what size I am. I said that I was a small in shirts and a 0-2 in pants. His response? "Because you think you are." I'm 17, 5'1, and 114 pounds (I'm so short because I am Asian). Even when people will tell me that I'm so small in front of my dad, he always has to add a sly remark about me thinking that I'm small.

2) My mom is literally always on my butt about my grades, even though I have a 4.0 GPA and currently a 28 on the ACT. This year, I was number 5 in my class. She was furious with me, saying that this is why I shouldn't have a boyfriend because my grades would drop. She already knew I was having trouble in precal because my teacher dislikes me and that I was taking more advanced classes than two of the people who were positioned higher than me (Our ranking system is messed up), but she still insisted that it was because of my boyfriend (who is actually number 1 in his class) and that I should break up with him.

3) I'm about to be a senior in high school, so I need to start visiting colleges so I know where I want to go. However, apparently to my parents, I don't have the ACT score (28) to start visiting colleges, which makes no sense at all. They said that visiting colleges was a waste of time and money because I probably won't even be accepted with my ACT score (UCLA was the college we were discussing). A few months before this conversation, my parents "chose" the college that I was going to and my dad chose my major and decided that I was going to medical school WITHOUT CONSULTING ME. I argued with them and tried to rationalize, but they refused to listen to me and to go with what they wanted to.

4) I am seventeen, but my parents refuse to let me out after 8:00, and if I am, I have to come home before 10:30. My driving curfew, according to my state, is 12:00. No other details needed.

5) My dad once gave me a whipping for getting a 96 in my English class during 8th grade. He popped a blood vessel in my upper thigh. My mom constantly calls me "lazy" and "stupid".

There are so many other things that they have said and done that I won't list here, but it has gotten to the point where I have currently decided that when I have kids, neither of them will see them. All the stress and scrutinization that they have put me under has also made me contemplate suicide on multiple occasions. I don't know what to do anymore.

They're a bit raw, but it is truly how I feel. I do write happier ones, but I'd like for you to read these. I feel that if I let go of what has been eating at me the past few years, I'll feel better:

“It Isn’t Quiet Here”

It isn’t quiet here,

although I wish it were

I can’t live with everything

That I’ve seen and heard

The insults and excuses,

the lying and the shouting,

the speeches and the hurting

the always ever doubting

You make me sick a lot

More than any other

but the sickest thing of all

Is that you’re my own mother

“Rather Been”

I wish I’d had the guts to tell you

everything that’s on my mind

That you make me wish to die,

to take my life from time to time

You tell me I’m not good enough,

my best isn’t enough to give

I feel like I was barely good enough

To see the white room, to live

You used to joke I was adopted

That my parents left with one motion

But adoption is better than the reality:

I was to be a victim of abortion.

I am a junior, and my parents are obsessed with what I will do in college. It has gotten to the point where they are making me go to a school that I don't even want to go just so I can live with them, even though there is a possibility that I could get a full scholarship somewhere else. My dad says that I wouldn't be able to live in the city, even though I would have to move somewhere without them eventually. Now, they won't even let me pick my college major. They are making me major in molecular biology and continue on to medical school, and that isn't what I even want to do. I want to major in psychology and minor in criminology so that I may become a profiler, but they won't allow me. I have argued with them, yet they won't budge. I am seriously so mad that I am crying. What should I do?

Yesterday, my boyfriend, out of the blue, broke up with me via a text message. Even though we live in the same town,he told me we don't spend enough time together, but he's always so busy that we never get to. He said,"I'm so busy right now,so maybe we should be friends until I'm not." Wtf? Who does that? Oh, and by the way, this was THREE DAYS before our one year anniversary. So, my question is what should I do from here? I'm planning to return some things to him soon. Also, I cried hardcore for hours and so my eyes are really puffy. How can I reduce the swelling?

Yesterday, my boyfriend, out of the blue, broke up with me via a text message. Even though we live in the same town,he told me we don't spend enough time together, but he's always so busy that we never get to. He said,"I'm so busy right now,so maybe we should be friends until I'm not." Wtf? Who does that? Oh, and by the way, this was THREE DAYS before our one year anniversary. So, my question is what should I do from here? I'm planning to return some things to him soon. Also, I cried hardcore for hours and so my eyes are really puffy. How can I reduce the swelling?

Two days ago,I was using my Kindle and I accidentally clicked on the web browser. It froze up, so I turned it off. When I tried to turn it back on, the screen wouldn't come up. The on switch would turn green, but the screen was still blank. The battery was still half full. What happened?

Well, if you don't know, I had a dream last night that centered around this one guy. I used to be close to him and we used to like each other, but then he heard a stupid rumor started by a girl that doesn't like me and he stopped talking to me. We haven't talked in two months. I just remembered that in the dream I was wearing sunglasses and he kissed me lightly on the lips in the back of my car. He then laughed quietly. Can anyone interpret this dream?

P.S. If it helps any, I have not had my first kiss. In the dream, he kissed me.

Okay, last night I had this very long dream. One of the main parts I remember is that I walked into my brother's room after taking a shower and most of the football team was sleeping in there with their shirts off (but they had pants on). There was only one guy who was completely naked. In reality, I used to be kinda close to him. The weird part is that I also remember that the entire dream was mainly centered around him. Can someone please interpret this?

when i say "cheerleading", i mean COMPETITIVE cheerleading,not sideline.

please state your opinon and facts to support it. :)

my vote: YES.

finish the sentence. :)

I wanted to go all out like "Gossip Girl", but apparently, the skirts have to be at your knee.

I need some cute and UNIQUE ways to look great while abiding to the rules.

any ideas?

here is the dress code:

http://www.mms.weakleyschools.com/dress_policy.pdf

pizza rolls. :)

Guys' Choices: Megan Fox, Miley Cyrus, and Kim Kardashian.

Girls' Choices: Rob Pattinson, Chace Crawford, and Taylor Lautner.

Step Brothers gave me the idea. :)

i'll give my choices later.

my friend,her little sister,and i went swimming last night with three of our guy friends in our neighborhood.at the end of the night,my friend's little sister came up to me and said that all three guys said i was fat.i was shocked.one of them was one of my best friends too.i used to be comfortable wearing a bathing suit,but now i'm so self conscious that i never want to go NIGHT swimming or any other type of swimming again.what should i do about this?

background information:

i'm 15 years old,5'0, and 111 pounds.i'm not flat chested and i do not have a "muffin top" or anything.my stomach is almost completely flat...

Please give a reason to why you picked what you picked. :)

i'm in love with them and him,

how about yourself? :)

i'm doing an project for english,and i need to make a scrapbook for juliet.

i don't think it necessarily has to include things from the play, but right now i'm thinking about including a page dedicated to romeo, a page dedicated to tybalt, a page dedicated to the capulet party,a page dedicated to the balcony scene, a page dedicated to juliet, and a page dedicated to romeo and juliet's "secret wedding."

suggestions and comments?

for those who do not know what a purity ring is:

a purity ring is a ring that a girl (or guy) wears to show a promise to God to abstain from premarital sex.