I'm 17. Every day, my mom yells at me for having no friends. Is that psychologically damaging behavior?
I'm a guy with friends, just not any really close ones. All the time my mom yells at me, "why aren't you with friends?," "I saw two kids from your class in the mall, why don't you ever do that stuff?", etc. I do go out a considerable amount, just not as much as others. I hear her talking to my dad all the time about it how I'm not normal. She doesn't propose any solutions other than rubbing it in my face. My dad doesn't like her saying these things. I usually ignore it but sometimes I yell back. Is this situation likely to cause me psychological harm?
Anonymous2007-12-13T15:43:16Z
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It sounds like it already is doing some damage if you are yelling back at your mom. That's just a sad situation. Your mom just isn't trying to understand you and accept you for who you are at all. If she had your best interest at heart , she would talk to you about her concerns and respect what you say. I think she is having her own issues about your behavior, frankly. That shouldn't have to be your problem. You should not have to suffer for that. Yes, I think it could harm your self-esteem to have her , first of all yell at you , and second of all, hold you up in a negative light to her own expectations as if you are failing her in some way. And third to talk about you to your Dad so that you can hear it is really rude and harmful, calling you abnormal. You need to talk to your dad and get him to tell her to stop. It is really not a good situation for you.
Anything can be psychologically damaging. Try not to let her insecurities bother you. Does she have a lot of friends??? Most people only have a few (no more than 7 over a liftime) close friends. So don't worry about it. If YOU are worried join a club or have a party--put yourself out there. When your mom yells, remind her that she is not helping matters by making you insecure (even if ur not, it will effect her). Many mom suck, you can still turn out alright.
You understand what is occurring and have it analyzed well. The problem for you, as I see it is you are being impacted, by your mom's, "psychological problem". Is she a drinker ? One of the things you see, is that people who have mental problems will push those that they love away by there abusive behavior. They are not aware of what they are doing. I read your questions, an would assure you that their is nothing abnormal that I see, unless you see intelligence as abnormal. I do understand why you don't have a lot of close friends. I would think not many of your age think on the same level as you. I would suggest that you see yourself in preparation for adulthood, and moving out asap, and moving on with your adult life. Getting a job would be a good start, and get you out of the house.
I don't think it will harm you because you seem to have enough awareness and self-confidence.
However, you should adivse her that at 17, many of the people you MIGHT hang with are into stuff that you don't want to be associated with.
OTOH, for a male, making friends is somewhat traditionally difficult, and so maybe she's worried that you'll be a loner, or become too dependent on a girlfriend, for example.
forget your mom sweetie. what, does your mom want you to be going out ALL the time and like getting into trouble? thats what usually happens with people ur age. i can see your moms "concern" but dont mind her, she probally rambles on forever and it seems like she controls your life. Your 17. Next year your noone can stop you from anything. Relax and be proud of what you do!