To make a long story short, my son has been drinking and smoking pot since 8th grade. I've tried everything. He's been in "juvey" three times but nothing seems to have an affect. He started college but quit and now works usually from 4-10. By the time he gets home at night I'm ready for bed and that's when the party starts. I find empty bottles and cans and paraphernalia all over my garage almost every morning. He can't afford to get his own place and his father, my ex-husband, has little part in his life. He, too, is an alcoholic and pot user. Short of involving the police and legally having him removed from my house, what else can I do? I also have a 15 year old son who is bound to be next!
Anonymous2009-09-13T06:42:08Z
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I used to party all the time, too, until one day my dad threw me out and said he didn't want to help anymore. I tried the usual whining that I couldn't afford to live on my own and he said he just didn't care. He asked how I couldn't afford rent yet I could afford dope and alcohol.
I lived on couches for a few weeks, then had to get a crappy apartment. There was little money to party with so l had little choice except to grow up.
My dad told me it was very difficult for him and my mom to kick me out, but in the end it was the best thing they ever did. I eventually went to college and now I am a Certified Public Accountant.
Your attention needs to be on you 15 yr old. The 18 yr old you need to lay down the law & if he doesnt go by it---HES OUT!! & stick to it. Hes an adult HELLO!!! So the "party" starts when you go to bed, then don't go to bed & take his Sh*t & throw it away, you have got to get a back bone, you could end up loosing your 15 yr old if someone finds out you are allowing this to happen @ your house, you can get in trouble also. Is it worth it? He needs some tough love BIG time. You are condonning his behavior, what is that teaching your 15 yr old. He will walk all over you to you'll see. Wheres the respect? Please stop allowing him to get away w/it. Get some advice from alanon & AAA. You need to talk w/someone that can help you & be a good support system for you. Your 15 yr old could probably use some one to talk w/too. I know you feel hopeless but what are you gonna feel like when both kids are doing the same thing, & not respecting you & walking all over you, it will feel worse then, right? Getting the cops involved might be your only option??? And it might be a good wake up call for your 18 yr old. But if hes truly addicted then he will have to hit rock bottom on his own before he will see it & you need to prepare yourself that he might never hit that rock bottom???
Your story is my story with a few exceptions: 1) My son spent a night in prison. It scared him so badly he started going to AA, which has helped him a lot. 2) In spite of the fact he is better, he was still stealing from us, so we kicked him out. We helped set him up in an apartment with a sober roommate. So far, so good.
One thing that you need to get to is Al Anon.For over 55 years, Al-Anon has been offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. It is an astoundingly great program of parents just like you who meet together and strengthen one another.
Tough one, if your sincere pleading does not get his attention, you'll have to go outside for help. He's been to juvey 3 times and that's not changed him, he's 18 a hitch on the "pea farm" will change him, for either the better or worse. Sorry for your predicament.