I think I ruined my life, should I go back to my husband?
I left my husband for another woman, but this relationship isn't what I thought. I feel guilty for ruining my kids lives because they are so bitter with me. I'm not attracted physically to my ex-husband but I absolutely miss him. I never thought I would because he used to annoy me so much. I'm depressed at what I've done and I feel like I want to end this current relationship and go back but I'm afraid of what others will think. And physcially, I am just not attracted to my ex.
Anonymous2016-08-08T13:08:41Z
End the extramarital relationship and go live on your own. You have hurt your family deeply, so not a good idea to just rush back in while you don't know what to do with yourself and feel lonely, and everyone's still angry and no one trusts you. Work on figuring out what you really want in life, what went wrong, and what's in the best interest of your children. Consider seeing a counseler, maybe incorporate some marital and/or family counseling, if your husband is willing to try again. Somewhere in there, apologize, and let your kids know that no matter what, you will still be their mother and always love them, even if you aren't with their father. Otherwise, you'll need to learn to peacefully coparent and be happy with that. Sometimes, that's what's best for all involved.
No, you shouldn't try to return (he probably wouldn't have you, anyway). You made your choice, so now live with that. Don't run back to him, when you admit you're not attracted to him, just because he's familiar and that relationship would be less scary than taking personal responsibility for your choices and living on your own.
You didn't ruin your life (it's not over yet), but you may have made some poor choices. The key is to learn the lessons from those choices, and make better ones in the future. Don't expect your ex and your kids to welcome you back with open arms, when you threw that relationship away to go be with someone else.Your kids lives aren't ruined either, but they are changed due to you leaving their father. It's no surprise they have hard feelings toward you because of that. Maybe in time, they'll forgive and accept you again.
The goal is to become so strong that you really don't care what weak people say, do, or think. (Let the person who has never sinned cast the first stone.) It sounds like you are now making a good choice - remember the story of the Prodigal Son? Ask your husband and your kids to forgive you. Everyone makes mistakes in their life - learn from it, forgive yourself and move forward.
It sounds like you need some professional counseling to help you through this. It's often available for little or no fee through health insurance. Maybe your husband will be willing to come along eventually. Almost everyone needs counseling at some point in their lives. Best wishes.
In order to ask for and comprehend any advice, you need to realize that you are at a level of selfishness that most people can't comprehend. You and your husband made a vow to be faithful all your lives but someone dedicating their life to you wasn't enough. You had to attach some secret clause to that allowing you to leave if he failed to become this fantasy supermodel that everyone, strait, homosexual, and inbetween, found desirable (even when both of you turn 110 years old). You didn't form an emotional bond with him (even though he may have), only a conditional one. You got the offspring you wanted, but instead of loving them, you were dissapointed that they didn't unconditionally love you enough (concluded from your question). You felt entitled to have a 2nd person devote her life to you, still not enough. Knowing full well the repercussions of your actions, you think there is still some juice you can squeeze out of the family you already sacrificed for yourself.
LOL. Typical female. You want the ability to make choices which are all for your benefit, to screw others over and then you want to cry and snivel when the natural outcomes knocks on your door.
You should not have married him if not attracted to him but ah, you thought he could provide well and that is what mattered to you, right? Then you break your vows to him, screw your kids lives up, all to have an unnatural relationship with another female. And of course now you want people to see you as a victim and you think you should just get a do over and everyone should just forgive you and forget, right?
When a man acts this way, all you women want him burned at the stake, regardless of why he cheated. But when a female acts this way, well everyone is just supposed to let it go and take you back into their good graces and forget all you did, right.