Teachers - feedback on color classroom behavior system, please?

I'm a teacher, and personally I do not think that the bathroom policy should be part of the behavior plan.

Instead of discouraging bathroom visits, I think it invites abuse. Students who are dishonest (and I'm certainly not accusing your son of this; it's a hypothetical) will take repeated bathroom visits and then tell their parents that they couldn't help it, they had to go. The parents then dismiss the color system and conclude that the child did what he had to do, and the parents never really know if the child has a bladder problem or a staying-in-the-classroom problem.

But the worse problem is that it defeats the purpose of such a behavior management system. The point of a system like that is to teach children to monitor their own behavior. I would never mix in bathroom issues with that. Needing the bathroom is not bad behavior.

Unfortunately, if that's the system your child's teacher uses, there's not much you can do. Perhaps you can discuss with her the possibility of adapting the policy for your son. As someone else suggested, maybe there could be a designated time of day when your son can go to the bathroom. Maybe there's even a school aide available to escort him.

If the school continues to insist that a doctor's note is necessary... try to find a physician who will write one for you. Do you have any family friends who are doctors? Maybe your primary care doctor would be willing to write a note, even if there is no diagnosis of a problem. I'm sure the school won't demand to see medical records!

As a 3rd grade teacher, I don't have a problem with students going to the bathroom individually unless I'm in the middle of a lesson OR we just went as a class. Boys especially go into the bathroom with the class just to play and then naturally have to actually pee shortly after. I don't allow it then. Maybe that's what happened with your son and he just didn't realize that was the reason his color changed. I'd also like to add that first graders can and do act up when unsupervised. Bullying happens the most when a teacher isn't there to supervise (recess, bathrooms, bus stops). The next time you have a conference with the teacher, I would ask her if there can't be some common ground found with your son's particular situation. Peeing shouldn't be a privilege, it should be something one does as a necessity. If your son really needs to pee and can't hold it until the next bathroom break, he should be allowed to go. If and only if he starts to abuse this problem, then the color should change.

Sometimes with young children it happens that their body grows but their bladders are slow to catch up. I am not a doctor, but perhaps this is a possibility. Ask your doctor about it.

If you bring a note from the doctor then the teacher should not have a problem. If she does then perhaps you should speak to the principal. I teach high school and kids are always trying to get out of the room. I have had 1 child that had to leave the room immediately when she needed to go or she would not make it. I seated her near the door and if she had to go she would get up without interrupting and go. She did not leave my class more than 6 times in the whole year.

Is it possible to make an agreement with the teacher that he gets "1 freebie" and after that the color changes? Perhaps she is not willing without a note, but if he is not taking advantage of the situation I personally would allow it. Just how frequently does he have to go? Is 4 times a day enough for him?

My daughter wet herself frequently on the bus on the way home from 1st grade. The teacher took them after recess and she felt that this was enough. It clearly was NOT enough for my daughter. She made an arrangement that my daughter could go quickly as they wrapped up class each day. She had no more accidents after this.

If she denies your son this privilege or if he tries hard to "hold it" so that he can keep a good color he may well end up having an accident. Maybe she will listen to you then.

I have been a special education teacher for 4 years and I must say that I am in agreement with your son's teacher. Unfortunately children (yes, as young as 1st grade) learn how to manipulate the rules of the classroom to their liking. I understand that you know your child uses the bathroom frequently but without appropriate documentation your teacher does not know this.

Last year in my classroom I used a "mark system." If a child received one mark it was a warning, two marks time out, etc. etc. I allowed my children to go to the restroom 3 times per day (10:00, 12:00 and 1:30) which in my eyes is a plenty. My students knew that if they needed to go to the restroom outside of any of these times that they would receive a mark (not a big deal for a child who had no marks and therefore it would be a warning and they wouldn't be "punished" in any way.) I never told any of them that they could not go because I would hate to do that to any child when in actuality I do not know if they are telling me the truth or now. So, my style in handling this allowed my students to know that I didn't play around when it came to leaving my class during instruction but that they were free to go if they needed to with little consequence.

In my first teaching position, some students got medical passes that allowed them to go to the toilet when asked. Even though it was a secondary school, students still had to ask for permission. Because there was a significant number of students who had these passes (about 1 per group I taught) the other students simply accepted it and did not think it was unfair. There were students who still abused this system, though.

If you approach the teacher with a note from the doctor about his condition, I think the teacher should be flexible enough for this.

As a teacher myself, I can assure that without a doctor's note about the urinary problem your child cannot be allowed to leave the room to go to the bathroom unless it is the scheduled bathroom time for the class. This is campus policy. Do you not know a physician well enough to encourage him to write a note if you feel that it is necessary? Most young men who go to the bathroom during "unscheduled" times need to go again because they just played the first time they went. If you are concerned about your child's frequent urinary urges, then why don't you simply take him to see an urologist?

I am hurt to see that a fellow teachers does not love her children enough to allow them to do what they were designed by nature to do. I have never heard of a school policy dictating when children can go to the restroom. Should they be unsupervised? No. And to those teachers that have students abusing the restroom privilege I have one suggestion for you that will eliminate that problem. Make your class so interesting that they students can't stand to be out of the room. If they are abusing the privilege it is not their fault it is yours for not instilling a desire to spend the time learning in your room.

You can't blame kids for being kids, but you can change their desires if you know how.

As a teacher you know what would happen if you let kids go to the bathroom whenever they felt like it: your classroom would be empty and the hallway full. Tell your son to go before he goes to class and immediately afterwards. If he has to go more frequently, you should seek further medical advice.

Because he has a medical issue, she should be more flexible. It's not fair to punish a child because he needs to pee. Maybe you could remind her of his medical problem and assure her that you're continuing to look for a solution and then ask her to identify one time during a class that he can go to the restroom without adjusting his color. It shouldn't be about the teacher's need to control. It should be about what will work best for your child's learning process.