Problem with Step Children?!?

They are just kids and, therefore, have a lot to learn.

It's up to the parents and stepparents and other caring adults in their lives to teach them what they need to know.

Of course, kids make mistakes when they're learning (so do adults), so you shouldn't feel like they're being bad when they do - they just haven't learned what they need to learn, yet.

And, nobody enjoys having to do things that they don't want to do (kid or adult). Adults have learned coping mechanisms to deal with those kind of situations, usually involving rewarding themselves for getting through the situation (in either physical, financial or emotional ways). Kids still need to learn these coping mechanisms. Adults (parents, stepparents, other caring adults) are there to teach them how to deal with it all.

So, explain your "No"s to the kids. Teach them why they can't have their way right then. Then, teach them appropriate ways to deal with their natural disappointment.

You and your husband need to do this together. The kids need to know that dad agrees with you, so that they will continue to respect you (and, therefore, be open to learning from you).

Hubby needs to get a grip. If the boys are to respect you then you have to act like a responsible adult/step parent which includes having house rules and consequences when they are broken. Parenting isn't about being their friend it's about helping them to develop a good sense of self and be able to cope in this crazy world. You don't learn this by getting everything you want and whinning when you don't. I would simply let the boys know what your plans are for the day (include something fun) and tell them what they need to do to be able to do that fun thing. Don't cave in, don't argue with them and don't give them too many warnings. If they ask when you are going to do the fun stuff just tell them you're not because they didn't do what you asked but maybe we can do it tomorrow if they get their stuff done. I know it may seem unfair if you only have them for such a short amount of time but this is what you have to do to establish that you are the adult/parent and get the respect you deserve.

your husband is right in that they are just children.but children need boundaries and proper guidance to create a well behaved productive member of society. what you have described does not seem like a productive attitude. it is hard to raise children in 2 seperate households (there are 2 sets of rules and expectations). they probably look at daddy's house as a vacation, and your suppose to be allowed to do what ever you want when on vacation (at least that is a childs outlook on it). sit down w/ your husband and really talk this out. don't just point out thier missbehavior, also point out your desires and how important it is to you to be respected in your own home. ask him fr suggestions. keep it positive. afterall you get more bees w/ honey

good luck

If you won't get dressed, you don't go anywhere.

If you won't pick up your toys, Stepmom will pick them up and you won't get them back for a while.

It's more important that they understand the boundaries than that they think you're nice. You don't have to be a demon, but if you're playing nice with them even when they misbehave you've taught them that Stepmom is a pushover who will give them what they want regardless of their behavior. Telling them they won't get things from you is not the same as proving it. They'll be unhappy about it for a while and probably tell you you're meeeeeaan, but eventually everyone will learn to respect the rules.

Just understand that you are the stepmom and they don't like taking direction from you, especially since you aren't around them as much. Being at your's and daddy's house, daddy needs to be the one to set the ground rules, not you, but you do have every right to enforce the rules. I know it is hard being a step-parent because the kids seem to disregard your authority. Good luck.

You keep doing your job. You are doing very well. Your husband is screwing up. He needs to step up and share parent authority with you. He needs to teach his boys that you ARE mom too. And that the boys need to respect you.

Being a step-parent doesn't make you any less their mother if you are loving and caring. This includes discipline. He needs to back up your decisions, just as you do his.

I don't envy you at all, you are in a tough position. You have to be firm in your decision, though. The only way they will ever come to respect you is if they see you are not a push over and that means not giving in to their ways. They must know that there is a consequence for their actions.

you have to put your foot down;be nice bout it .they will play u if u let um 'but when i think about it they dont have much time with thier dad .that why he is so leayet on them ,your husband sound like a very god father an hubbie hang on to him. the boys will get use to you every thing will fall in place.good luck /GOD BLESS

Parents aren't meant to be friends, we are meant to guide and direct them. In your shoes, as a step parent, thats got to be hard. My prayers are with you.