How do you stay open and available to someone who has shut herself off emotionally?

Question

My mom has become depressed and emotionally shut off from me (and others in her life that love her) I have been trying for years to reach out  to her but it seems like the more I try the higher and thicker the walls become.  I'm tired and while I don't want to entirely give up on her I need to spend my emotional energy on relationships that are mutually rewarding in order to preserve my own sense of emotional health.  What I want to know is how to strike this balance?  I want to stay in her life and remain available in the event that she does come around, but without continuing to expect something that's not happening.

Hope · Accepted Answer

So, make it a habit to call her once every week or two.  
Catch her up on your "news" of the past week.
Listen -- even if all she talks about is the weather, the neighbor, or the ants trying to get into her house, or her latest health issues.  Let her do some griping if need be, but try to keep that short. (disallow abusive language)
Express simply and briefly any questions or concerns.
Offer your assistance when appropriate.
Invite her to birthdays and family gatherings.
End your conversation on a positive note.

That's how us parents do with our grown children.
This can work well with children toward parents as well.

kristy · Answer

you already answered your question with an answer.
stay in her life .Be available. and don't expect anything.
just being there is sometimes all you can do. I don't know your circumstance but don't give up

Snively · Answer

Do you know why she is depressed? Try to get her to see a doctor and tell her you love her.

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How do you stay open and available to someone who has shut herself off emotionally?

3 Answers