Open Marriage ???

Oh, boy....what a can of worms your husband opened up.

It sounds as if the two of you have a lot of talking to do, and you both need to talk. Yes, law enforcement is stressful, but I don't think that it's what has caused him to bring this up. There's nothing wrong with open marriages, however, your marriage needs to be much stronger than the average before you begin exploring that lifestyle, and since he sprang this on you out of the blue and then followed it up with his emotional blackmail of "do it, or I'll leave/cheat", it doesn't sound like yours is.

You say that everything else is fine with your marriage, but stop for a minute and ask yourself "If he had my/our happiness as his primary goal, would he have put qualifications on staying together?" The two of you are facing a problem in your relationship, and an open marriage is not going to fix it. You need to sit down and discuss this rationally as a couple. Find out what he needs that he doesn't feel like he is currently getting. Does he need the adventure of seducing another woman? Does he need more emotional closeness, and think that another woman may be able to provide it? Does he just need to feel like he's still a desirable man?

Any time you bring someone else into your bed, it should be something that you do to enrich your lives as a couple, something you do because you genuinely enjoy everything that both of you are getting out of it. And his stipulation that you have only female lovers makes me think that he's insecure over your relationship. If he knew without a shadow of a doubt that you will always love and accept him, then it really wouldn't matter what gender your part-time playtoys are.

So, you're dealing with insecurities and unfulfilled needs on his part, which in turn are creating insecurities on your part.

The two of you need to talk!

A large number (actually, a larger number than the national averages) of swinger/open/hotwife marriages are very strong and do not end in divorce. But, based on what you've said, the two of you are not ready for this. I'm not saying that you won't be ready in 6 months, a year, or tomorrow...but I am saying that you shouldn't do it now. You shouldn't do it without a lot of heartfelt communication and some serious quality time reconnecting as a couple.

Both of you should check out the link below. There is plenty of information that you both need to be found there.

First, many many open marriages do work very well.

Second, they only work if 1) the relationship is already very strong and on solid ground, and 2) if both persons in the relationship are in agreement about it and the open relationship is equal.

Your relationship is neither of these.

First, he's given you an ultimatum, either do as he wishes (have an open relationship) or he'll either divorce you or at the least can't guarantee he'll remain faithful. This is manipulation and coercion.

Second, he can have sex with other women, but you can't have sex with other men. He's dictating the terms. Terms are negotiable, but not dictatable. Swinging and open relationships are the great relationship equalizer. Both members of the relationship have to have exactly equal status.

I know several people in the swinger lifestyle that have jealous husbands and therefore they only play with other women and the wife is not allowed to have sex with another man. This seems to work at first, but eventually the wife begins to feel like her husband is getting the better end of the deal since he gets what he wants and she isn't allowed to have what she wants. It always causes resentment.

There is nothing wrong with open relationships and swinging if they are done for the right reasons between the right people.

But your relationship is neither.

Seek counseling if you want your marriage to continue. But for sure stay away from opening it up to others sexually. It will only be one more thing that will add tension in your relationship.

Below is a link to a recent and good article about this very subject.

In your friend's case, It will be only end up the marriage! They should stop to doing this open marriage and either choose try to making the marriage work together or just out off this marriage, otherwise, it will cause many problems for their marriage. Open marriage is not healthy for them and is ridiculous.

Well, although you don't want any comment about you being bi, I am afraid it's the stem of the problem.

But still. At least you are right not to push it to the point of accepting a third party in your bed.

Open marriages is just a cover. You get all the material benefit that marriages provide, but you don't get any of the meaningful relationship a marriage is supposed to come with.

So, your marriage may survive it, since you are bi and your past and present state may have rub on your marriage, or it may not.

There's not much limit once you have accepted such a deal.

Anyway, you can only give your word to your husband that you will only sleep with women, how would he know otherwise?

Or does he intend to let you bring the women home? And is it what he intends to do himself?

What about the education and the influence on your children?

How do you intend to explain the new rules in your house?

Don't you wish they make their own choice when older instead of inherited some sexual guidance most would consider as debauched?

Wow!!! When did this marriage take a turn into that lane?? How does one say i was going to ask for an divorce,cause of my job in one breath, then ask about a threesome with another breath?

I believe your husband is about to start if not has'nt already cheated.

Why are you not enough for him all of a sudden? If your (bi), like you said once you decided to marry him that should have been the end of the (bi) thing you chose what side you wanted to play on, was open marriage part of your vows?, and was this thing talked about before you married? Sorry to say but, i think you and your husband need to talk to someone, this will end badly.

What a crock of bullchit! He wants an open marriage so he can have permission to cheat! He is holding you emotionally hostage by saying that he can't guarantee that he will be faithful unless you agree to an open marriage. Yes law enforcement can be a stressful occupation...but so can a lot of other careers. So you can have sex with other women but not men......hmmmmm....how convenient for his pathetic stupid *ss!

EDIT: No good can come of this...trust me...It was the major cause for the divorce between my first husband and I.

Basically he's saying he wants to have sex with other women but you can't with other men..that is NOT an open marriage. Its open for him only and you being with women is only so you go along with HIS idea of open marriage. He wants to have sex with other women and for you to as well to justify what he wants to do in some sort of way and not feel guilty. He's manipulating you by threatening divorce. Coercing you to go along with his plan and that has to be emotionally torture for you. I would say leave him and go on with your life. This is so common in law enforcement (infidelity) I have a close friend whose husband is in law enforcement and they send home all kinds of information for counseling and workshops for marriages because of the high divorce rate in that field. I hope things turn out for the best.

I would think, if your husband really valued your marriage, he wouldn't want the open marriage / threesome. However, having said that , if he did really want threesomes / open marriage, he only should have approached you about it and openly discussed it with you. The threats to not be faithful or possibly wanting a divorce signal that with or without the threesome / open marriage discussion that the two of you have serious problems. You see, he's not trying to make a decision with you, he's already made it and has decided it's worth it with or without you.

It depends on how you feel about the open marriage / threesome idea and if you want it too.. but, I would be very upset with his threats of divorce or adultery.

He wants to have sex with other women,and he tells you,that if you do not let him do it; he will cheat or divorce you.That is not an open marriage.He is asking you to have permission to cheat.If you say no,he will cheat,if you say yes,he always will cheat.The point here is that he will cheat on you,with or without your permission.Majority of open marriages around the world,end always in divorce.Good question.

I think open marriages can be fine... if it's what BOTH partners want. But it sounds like your husband is just using emotional blackmail to pressure you into what HE wants. The marriage would be completely open for him (he gets what he wants... other women & 3somes), but only kinda open for you. I would consider if I wanted to be with someone willing to manipulate me like that.