I have a family dilema- My father suffers from dementia and is at home with my mother as primary care giver.?

Question

he needs help with most tasks but can follow simple directions. He recognises people around him all the time and can do simple tasks with guidence. He can follow short conversations but has a hard time finding the words to communicate back. He knows he has problems and is frusterated and depressed but still has a sense of humor and fun. Our family, his siblings and mine feel we should just put him in a home. This really hurts and angers me becouse I feel they are just giving up on him becouse things are difficult. Furthermore they are not physically close and seldom visit anyway and I dont think they have a right to talk like this. Instead of loving and supporting Dad and us I feel like they are just quitting him and I firmly believe that at this point putting him in a home would kill him emotionally. How do i cope with these "loving" relatives without losing it?

Update:

Just for the record my father use to say that if he was a burden on his family he would rather be dead which is why I think shoving him in a home would kill him. My mother does not want him there at this point and is still very capable of caring for him with my husbands and my support

wondermom · Accepted Answer

Eventually it will get to the point that he will need more care.  Right now if he could be maintained at home, he should be.  Just let them know that instead of trying to pawn things off, try to help out.

sacred_hart_99 · Answer

Why not consider some other options?Try speaking with his doctor about getting him hospice,which comes in a couple of times a week and gives your mom a break.If they can,why not consider an assisted living community?Another option?See about getting your dad in an adult day care.All of these options can get him the therapy he needs,gives your mom a break,and most of all,there is medical personnel just a phone call away to give your siblings the peace of mind they are looking for.They just want whats best for your parents,but they don't realize that their suggestions would cause more harm than good.Talk with you mom about the options,and let her add in her two cents,then go from there.

Anonymous · Answer

im sorry. this sounds really hard.
i honestly think it's up to the ppl who live with him. if your mom is OK with the whole situation, i think you should keep him in a good environment that he's used to.
if you can compromise and have a kind of homecare nurse type person to check in every once in a while...that's what we did when my grandpa had the same type of thing. (my dad didnt want him in a home like the rest of his siblings)
give your dad all the support he can get. be sure to tell him you love him. and Do Not give up on him. i am happy you feel the way you do.

Little big brains · Answer

At least your family can admit they need help with him.
Not alot, or in fact, most people won't and would never admit they can't take on the responsibilities of taking care of a sick sibling. Just because he is your father does not mean you shouldn't feel this decision isn't fair on your FEELINGS, on your behalf. But,  what about for HIS benefit, for his being? Would it be a disservice to have him in your home only for person comfort?

True Blue Brit · Answer

The only one who can make this heavy decision is your mother.  She is the primary caregiver.  And the burden falls on her.  
I would ignore everyone else, if your mother wants to carry on looking after him.  But perhaps she could do with some help, speak to your doctor and see what can be provided.
Oh, I do feel for you.  That must be so hard.

Trending News

I have a family dilema- My father suffers from dementia and is at home with my mother as primary care giver.?

5 Answers