Parents of teenagers, answer this...?

I'm not a parent (yet) but I'm young enough to remember the effects of the rules my parents had for me.

1. Saying that a parent should simply NOT make a rule because a child will break it behind their back is ridiculous and illogical. I understand what you are trying to say and I agree.

2. My parents had rules that I occasionally broke behind their backs. I think the point of these rules isn't necessarily to prevent a child from doing them, it's to encourage your child to make the right choices when they get into a situation where they don't have you there to guide them. When I was old enough to make certain decisions without my parents present (i.e. Dating), I had reached a level of maturity that allowed me to decide if dating was OK.

A lot of parents feel that raising a child ends when they leave for college. While that is true in some regards, I think in this day and age that's becoming less feasible. Your child needs to be adequately prepared for the world prior to high school. When your kid reaches the age of 14, simply "not being allowed" is not a logical reason to make a good choice.

I know this because my parents separated when I was in high school. No one was really making or enforcing any rules that I had to follow. I made some bad choices, but overall I think that my mother had raised me well enough to decide for myself.

To conclude, keep the rules you have in place. But what you should realize is that there is a certain point where parents should trust their children to make the best call. The point of rules isn't necessarily to keep your children from all evil--it's to prepare them for later situations.

I hope this provides some insight.

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating. I hope they make good choices, but I feel at the high school age, they are old enough to date. But talk with my daughters a lot, to make sure everything is going well. I'm sure some kids might sneak behind their parents back and I don't think that's right, but if they're doing it to hang out with their boyfriend or girlfriend, it' almost like it's natural. Parents are different. I trust my daughters a lot and I've raised them well, so I let them be adults when they want to be.

If you allow dating and attach some rules to it then you can have some what control and teach your child to be safe and responsible. If you just stomp your feet and lay down the law that there will be no dating until your 30. Then they will go behind your back and will not come to you for advice or help if they get into trouble.

You have to help your children grow up. It's a learning process not a dictatorship. If you don't give your children some trust they will never learn to trust.

Dating is actually a learning process and a step to adulthood, in an ideal world my daughter would never date but in reality I know that she will. I know you asked for parents of teens but I can answer this anyways, my daughter is 7. I plan to let her date when she is 16, but that will depend on her and her grades. The way I see it her grades will earn her freedom, if she is mature, responsible and respectful and most of all not a follower I do not see why I would not let her date. I know from experience where there is a will there is a way (I was way over protected) which caused me to sneak around, I do not want her to do that.

I know exactly what you mean. My oldest is almost 16 we have set rules for her some of which she feels are to strict. A few months back she got caught doing something against her rules regarding the computer so it was taken away from her. Yes she went behind our backs and probably had a few times before she got caught but the thing is she didn't really grasp the concept of being responsible for your actions until she lost computer privledges. having rules is a part of life it allows you to know what is expected of you however it also teaches lessons on what happens when you break the rules.

No. I don't agree with the comment. I do however think that it is important for a parent to discuss the reasons for rules. They should understand the different ramifications of their actions -teens who engage in early sexual activity can end up pregnant or contract std's.

The "rules" are guidelines set by parents in the teens best interest. Obviously, the consequences of cursing are much lower than those of sexual activity. It is the parents job to ensure that their teen is aware of them and provide limits to protect them from costly mistakes as well as to decide which rules can be more flexible.

My nephew is 13 i am his legal guardian and he is not permitted to date now but at 14 and 15 i will allow it! He may be doing it behind my back but my rules are my rules and if he gets caught he knows he will have ever privelege he has pulled from him!!

Now for the question in some situtations i think its better to alow some of it to slide because well hes going to do it anyways! Like i know he swears but if he ever swears in my house or at an adult i will kill him!! However i am realistic and am almost positive him and his frends use bad words but if he gets caught hes still getting punished!!!

My Mom said 16 before dating. She held firm to the rule. My sister snuck out some, I didn't. I think sneaking out has alot more to do with the teen than the rules.

I completely understand and agree with you. "Sure honey, you can drink, smoke, and have sex too since I know you are going to do it anyway." Just because they are going to sneak around and do it whether or not you want them to does not mean you should just give in. If a person feels that way, keep closer tabs on your kids and reprimand them for disobeying. Shoot, who ever made that comment probably would give their toddler what ever they wanted when they threw a tantrum too. No wonder kids are irresponsible snots these days. Where's the discipline?

their should be a balance between restriction and freedom as if you go on restricting for every thing then they will surely do it and if you would restrict then they wont respect your presence and will do as they like

and ya the question that if they broke the rules then is it necessary to make the rules.. I think if you make some rules then they will broke it very occasionally if you wont then no restrictions and they will do as they like, and if you restric them for some things which should not be there then the childrens can understand it and may be possible that they wont do it......