Child support and children?

You may have made a mess of your situation by not paying child support "on the books." No man should ever voluntarily pay child support "off the books" unless they are paying in a way that is easily provable and you're keeping solid records to show you have paid. If she chooses to file for support, she can try to get "back support" unless you can easily prove you've paid. The court all-too-often will treat voluntary payments as a "gift" and sock you to pay on top of what you've already paid.

Your choice was noble and in the long-term best interests of the children. However, you should have made some moves to solidify both the CS and your custodial rights to the children. It's not unfixable but will take some work. I'd consult a lawyer if I were you.

I think right now in this country and abroad, marriage & having children is a scary proposition whether you live together or not.

Today, the divorce rate is so high due to no-fault divorce. If you have kids, for women - that means they hold all the cards. A man today has to realize that, love and "the dream" aside, the risks to men/fathers far outweigh the rewards. Check the source - some great books and other resources on just this issue.

Family court is tilted heavily in favor of women/mothers. Moms have all the rights, get all the benefits, and dad is too often relegated to a visitor in his children's lives while being an ATM machine for mom. He can lose half (or more) of the cash, cars, house, investments, etc... and worse - the children.

Seriously, if I had known then what I know now about how the divorce machine sucks in fathers, grinds them up, and spits them out so unceremoniously, I would have never gotten married. I would have given up my dream of having a family.

With no-fault divorce (the biggest killer of marriage and families) you don't need an excuse anymore to get a divorce. You just don't have to feel like being married anymore - and with that reality comes the truth - a marriage is no longer a contract, so what's the point except to put yourself and your future at risk when someone "doesn't feel like it anymore?" With women (who have children) initiating almost 3/4 of divorces today (most men don't even see it coming), it's the smart man who chooses not to get married and certainly not have children... and that's a shame.

This affects men, women, and children alike. It affects everyone and people need to wake up to that reality. I know that there are lousy men and lousy fathers in this world - but make no mistake - the are plenty of lousy women and lousy mothers in this world and we should all be treated the same way (good or bad) and that simply isn't happening today.

Honestly, I would start going through the state and sending it that way because they can keep a record of you paying child support. It is just safer that way. Your ex can later in life file for child support and said that you never sent her any, unless it can be proven on bank statements. If you were to send money to the kids it may get taken away by the mother. Just whatever you decide to do, every time you send money keep a receipt or a log book with a receipt to indicate that you paid. Make sure you have a safe paper trail. At least you are paying child support though, my ex never did, he also went overseas and I never heard from him again. My husband has since then did a step parent adoption and a decade later, still no sign of life from him. Thank you for doing the right thing.

No the money is meant to be used by your ex to defray living costs or to be put away for later. Your children are teens and cannot be expected to handle money appropriately especially if we're talking many months back child support. My suggestion would be to call your ex and speak with her about how you handled the situation, which is probably what she's more upset with. Rather than being up front and honest with her and your children and taking any flack that would have come up then, you bail and bi@ch about their (her) reaction now? Live up to the agreements you've made and be honest when you can't. Don't spending your time wondering what she has or may say to your children about you. Just live up to your obligations and no one will have anything to say. Oh yeah, apologize too, showing a little remorse for making bad decisions (for not being forth right) is usually a good thing too. Good luck tho and continuing being a good and present dad.

Your ex wife may be earning plenty of money but what if she decided to retrain for something else. What if she decided to take 6 months off and had no money to support YOUR children. Whether child support is court ordered or not it doesn't matter, the fact remains they are YOUR children too. Now you have retrained yourself make sure you make up the support you have missed out on and send the cheque to the mother of YOUR children. I don't blame her for saying things about you, why do you think you can just take yourself off and do what you want and leave her with YOUR children. So what if you are communicating with the kids, have you had them for any holidays or weekends in the past 7 months so she can have a break! Ok now I have vented, please do the right thing for yourself and your children!!!

Child support and custody are two different issues. Both have to be court ordered. Since your father was court ordered to pay child support to your mother, that's what he's doing. Since you mother was granted custody of you via another court order, you are living with her. If you want to live with your father, and your mother is not willing to allow you to do so, he would need to go back to court and petition that the original ruling giving your mother custody be overturned. In order for that to be successful, he would have to prove that living with your mother is a danger to your life and safety. So no, you saying you don't like your mom (as all children your age do sooner or later) is not going to make a judge overrule an existing custody order.

If you are doing it out of goodness of your heart to support your children and it was not court ordered, then I don't see a problem with it since your kids are old enough to understand how money works.

However, instead of sending checks to them that they might just blow on any crazy thing, I think I would buy them savings bonds, deposit the money in a college fund for them, or some other kind of savings program.

did you not tell your x before you cut of the child support? surely this was something that should have been discussed and agreed upon-if she doesn't know your reasons for stopping payments of course she is bad mouthing you-you're lucky she hasn't started a legal process against you.

I think it would still be best to send any future monies to your ex wife-as you said your kids are only teenagers and any money you send them will be squandered probably

You can try doing that....but bets are she takes it away from them.

Child support is suppose to be for the parent looking after the children... for their rent/mortgage, feed the children, pay utilities, etc.... Some people believe it is soley for the children... sorry, it is not. It goes to housing the children, paying their food, paying utilities that the children use, school supplies, cloths....

Put money in an account in your kids name and give them debit cards, then you can monitor what is being bought and what isnt. Plus your kids will be able to keep it away from the ex. And if it gets bad, you can cut off the accounts if need be.

If you send it to the kids, it is NOT officially child support legally. Send her a check and a xerox copy to your kids.