Best Man dilemma?

Be honest talk to him about it. Say listen you know you are my best friend and are my first choice as best man but do to these other complications I didn't know how you felt about it. If you want I can give the job to my dad and come the wedding if you would like to make a toast either day of or rehersal that would be great. But if you feel like you are up to the task than the job is yours!

Just talk to him and give him the choice. If he really isd your best friend he will appreciate the conversation and understand where you are coming from.

The best man nowadays does not need to do everything they used to have to do. My brother chose my little brother as his best man, and he was 12 at the time. He just handed the rings, he didn't do a speech, but he was still best man. I think it's important to pick the right person to be your best man. If you've always wanted him to be it, then he's the one you should choose. I think it will give him something positive to focus on, and it;s a good way to involve him in your day. He doesn't need to do a speech if it's too much, and you'll have to appreciate that. You can organise the bachelor do together too, so the onus doesn't all fall on him. And as for the locality, the best man at our wedding lives 2000 miles away. It doesn't matter too much at the end of the day. Weddings can still be traditional by changing a few of the rules.

Since your wedding isn't until next summer (2009), I suggest not worrying about it right now. Best men don't really have that big of a job ... they only assist with the groom on him getting ready that day and other minor things. Most of his other jobs can be done over the internet or telephone.

If you do go about getting this friend of yours (which I suggest you do), he would need to get fitted for a tux. If he is unable to come to the place you would be getting your tux from, he can get measurements from a local tux shop and send them to you.

You've known him for 9 years and he's your best friend. Just because you and him are having a rough friendship right now, doesn't mean he should be excluded in your wedding party. Your dad seems like he'd be a good groomsman, include him too.

Stick with your friend... if hes having problems financially and your worried about him paying for stuff.... include it in your wedding budget. You dont ditch a mate over money.

The only thing i would suggest is organise your own bachelor party.

Its my hen do(bachelorette party) tonight and my MOH wanted to organise it but hardly knows any of my friends. Its been a bit of a disaster from the start. The plans have changed so many times people have dropped out/cant afford it/have to work.

Still thinking about cancelling it and its 7 hours away!

Hen party planning has been more stressful (so far) than the wedding! Trying to please everyone and ending up very unhappy myself!

Your father could liase with your bestman to put your mind at rest that things will get done, one way or another.

But still ask your friend. You wouldnt be happy if you didnt.

Asking your friend to be your best man might give him something to be excited about. It's the best honor you can give a person.

My fiance and I are having difficulties on the best man front ourselves. His best friend has a girlfriend who's using her pregnancy to dominate his life. She's told him that he can't be in my fiance's wedding and since they "do everything together," he's pretty much thrown in the towel. I've suggested to my fiance that I'm sure his stepdad would be more than honored to be his best man, so we are considering that route.

If you think that your friend being the best man would burden him unnecessarily, give him a different role in the wedding if possible and ask your father.

I think the best thing you have to do is ask your friend next time you'll visit him.

Tell him you'd like him to be your best man because he's your best friend and that you've "always thought about giving him the job"

Then ask him if he think he can do it. Tell him you canted to ask him first, but that you don't want to give him a burden, so ask him to be honest with you and tell you what he thinks about that.

Or, 2nd solution, ask your friend AND your dad to be your best men. You'll have 2 best men, so if your friend can't do it, you're dad will be there.

And they'll both be happy, so even if your friend can do it, that's just great.

Do they already know each other ? If yes, it'll be even more easier for them to work along.

I have a suspicion, reading between the lines. That I know why you are concerned about your friend, and the similar prediciment. Everyone who says just ask him I think they may be missing a key concept. If you want your father ask him. If your really want your friend before you ask him discuss this with you dad tell him the situation and if your friend has the similar situation occur, can your father jump in the role. I think he would understand.

You give no indication as to the kind of predicament your friend finds himself in so it's a bit difficult to answer you. There are so many factors involved. My advise is .

This day is yours and your brides put yourselves first.

Will not asking your friend make his situation worse?

How will you look back on your choice every anniversary?

What ever you decide tell your friend when you see him and don't use any dutch courage or try to talk in front of others. Good luck.

When you visit him, tell him you really want him to be your best man, but you would completely understand if he isn't able to because of his circumstances. If you're not comfortable bringing up the recent events that have left him in a difficult situation, just say that you'd understand if he's not able because of the distance issue. Just let him know that you'd love to have him there with you, but it won't hurt your friendship if he has to say no.

Talk to him about it, tell him your concerns, and see if he wants to do it. You can expect as little or as much from him as you want. If he's not going to be available very much, but you still want him to stand up for you, tell him you understand that he won't be able to do a whole lot, and that that's okay. If you want him to be your best man, go ahead and ask him, but let him know that he can say no, and you'll understand.