My 16-year old son brought home his report card?

Yeah, you need to let him know that you know he's lying, but it's not worth fighting about. The problem here is his poor grades--try not to lose focus about that. Since his grades are the result of not doing homework, think about linking his privileges not to the report card grades but to the completion of homework. If he does his homework, the grades should go up, and he'll learn that it's not really that hard to get B's and C's if he just does the work. Do you get interim/progress reports from the school? If his grades are poor, you should. That's a good time to find out if there are missing assignments. It should be his responsibility to work with the teachers to make-up any missing work and otherwise keep up. But if needs help staying on task, be there to help and guide him. Good luck!

First of all why does the school even give the report cards to the kids to take home, kids are kids and if given the chance to be sneaky sneaky they will be. I would just sit down with him and have a meeting with the teachers and him in each class that he is having these bad grades in and find out exactly whats going on. Second of all he's not all to blame, why don't you know until now at report card time how he is doing, aren't you following up and getting progress notes from his teachers? It is also your job to guide him the right way and by doing that you are involved in checking his homework every night to make sure it's done, checking in with his teachers to make sure his work is turned in. It's your job to make sure that these things are done, because now it's too late and he's stuck with these grades. He obviously needs some help so please give it to him. Good Luck

Take him, the report card and the confirmation letter with you to the principals office. Sit down with your son and the principal and ask him one more time if he changed his grades. Then give him the proof. You, your son and the principal can have a discussion about his education at that point. I think that's a great starting point. You can also discuss the appropriate punishment for changing his grades. He should have some kind of volunteer work to do at school and a punishment at home as well.

Communication and trust issues are always sticky.

I'm not a mom, but I have a lot of experience with kids and teenagers. I have nieces and nephews and normally they tell me everything, esp. some things they don't want their mom and dad to know.

Show that grades matter for you because you're concerned about his future but it's NOT your measurement of how much you and his dad LOVES him.

You questioned your son about his grades ... you made his grades your condition for giving him his license and cellphone... I can see a power struggle and a degree of rebelliousness on your son. He MIGHT think that grades are more important to you than what he actually feels. That's why he lied and changed his report card, because he feels guilty and he doesn't want to disappoint you.

Sometimes, we have to think what it was like to be their age.

When I was your son's age, I had an issue with my parents too. They expect so much from me, and I THOUGHT then that they'll only love me if I can be the daughter that they want. I was so afraid to tell my parents why I was flunking or failing some subjects in high school because they might send me off to my aunt. The reason was I have trouble understanding algebra and calculus. In the end my parent's concern won over, and they persuaded me to have a math tutor.

He expects you to understand, take his side and talk to him about what he feels.

Every son would want his parents to be proud of him. Rather than focusing on what's negative about him (being lazy or not doing his homework), try to communicate with your son and explain your expectations. Assure him that irregardless, you'll be proud of him if he really made his best. Besides, I don't know why grades are such a big deal nowadays? You can't measure the excellence of your son by mere grades, maybe his into sports, or a band or art or writing.

If the parents are the first persons who give up and places negative expectations on their children, how can the children expect that other people wouldn't.

If parents can't communicate with their children on a personal level, how can they expect other people to understand them?

I know you're hurt that your son lied to you, you feel hurt and angry. But underlying that negative attitude and behavior of your son is a teenager who is confused and who needs guidance/understanding.

If you are concerned about his grades, try to get a tutor or have a heart-to-heart talk with your son. Tell him about the opportunities that he's missing, and the time that can never be returned. He's young, he still needs your care and unconditional love. Aside from giving your child material needs, the most noble duty of a parent is to mold your child into a man that you and others can be proud of.

Make your son feel that he's your priority above all else and his future matters.

I know you're a good parent, and it's not easy being one these days. Build a network of trust within your family. Be the person that your son would trust more than anyone else. Remind him that his family cares for him and accepts him even if he has a lot of D's or F's. Comfort and maternal love is always best in these situations =).

Because in your eyes he's always be an A+ son.

Hope I've helped you. God bless.

If you don't get tuff on him he will end up working at walmart his whole life! Ground him until his grades are improved, make him sit at the table until ALL his homework is done.You can do daily progress reports from the teachers to see if he is screwing around. If you don't turn him around he will have a very unfortunate life. I would take all his games, not give him money, and make him earn everything. You are being way to passive, If I altered my grades my parents would have gone so ballistic they would still yell about it 20 years later!

At 13 I worked everyday after school until 9pm, came home and did my homework , and on weekends had chores to do. If I didn't do chores I got no money and I got in trouble. What are you waiting for? Do you have to be told your child is not just messing up school but failing in life? Maybe you should take some parenting classes too, because you are not doing the right thing. Your child's actions reflect you.

Be straight up with him. That is what I do with my daughter. She's 11, but I treat her like an adult in these matters. Her ONLY job is to do what she is supposed to do in school. She went through something similar, and I made it a point for her to learn and realize that there is NOTHING more important than school.

I made her rake leaves, and do other yard work for 4 days straight, from 7 AM to 7 PM. I stressed that this is the type of job she should expect to have if she decides to blow off school.

I also don't keep it a secret from her that I am in constant contact with her teachers. Don't hide it from your son, bring him the proof.

Don't yell, scream or hit him, however, punish him. And punish him not only for not doing his JOB, but also for LYING to you.

Take away everything and anything that would bring any happiness or distraction to him, and take it away for at least a month.

I guarantee that things will change.

Is your son eligible for an IEP (Individual Education Program). Most are state mandated and have to give you weekly updates. Our school systems have information available online that parents can access at any time, is this an option for you?

I would tell your son that you know about his REAL grades. Somethings got to give, he cannot continue the lie for much longer. Allowing him to keep lying is showing him that you are willing to ignore the problem, and one little lie can later turn into something much bigger.

Boot camp. He doesn't get a social life for the next month. His chores will include household tasks, and you will assess each time whether or not they are up to standard. He is to do 2 hours homework nightly with you or his father sitting at his side supervising. He doesn't play sport. He doesn't go out.

Basically, you need to assert that you are the adult in the house, and that lying is not tolerated and has repercussions.

Request that the school put him on a daily report card system for the duration (where each teacher has to sign off he went, participated and reached an acceptable standard.)

Let him know that while he indulges in childish activities including forgery, lying and acting up at school, he will be treated as a child. Advance his privelidges slowly, one at a time, as his attitude and results imporve. If he slips back, withdraw them again.

He will get the message.

Perhaps he feels genuinely ashamed of his grades and wants you to be proud of him.

Perhaps sit down with him and explain to him that you are fully aware of the situation. Maybe help him out with homework, spend more time with him so he can open up abit more without having to lie. Also you cannot rule out bullying at school which some children are afraid to admit to there parents, this can also greatly effect grades :-)

Call him inot the room and tell him that he has one more chance to tell you if the grades are real or not and if he still wont come clean then tell him great I am so happy for you and I am going to the school tomorrow to talk to the teachers to see what we can do to keep you on this track and see if that wont scare him into telling you the truth. if he still refuses just play his game and take him to school the next day and go to the office with him and ask to talk to the principle. When he sees you are serious he will come clean. Then let the principle punish him for altering the grades as well as you and his dad when he gets home.