Mother In Law / Grandma Drama - What would you do?

Casually my husband and I discussed this topic a couple of days ago, on whether or not it would be "wise" for us to leave our future children's care to his mother. I raised some concerns about child rearing teachings that his mother (& my mother included) practices that differ immensely from ours. My sister has already made comments about some of the things our mother has done to her 2 girls- the same age as yours. I have also seen on TV babysitters who are old and "motherly", but use techniques that are no longer relevant and even considered dangerous today.

If I were in your place, I would probably be as upset as you feel. I would not let my children be again by themselves under her care or watch unless she's also being supervised- especially because she's denying it.

Immediately after I were told by my 4 year-old of this, I would discusse it with my husband on how to address the situation. Because the agressor is the mother of the husband, I would ask him to address your concerns as parents to her.

He would tell her that even if she considered it to be okay to hit children, you both decided against it.

He would also say to her about your son's fear of God due to her explanation of death/dying/God comments. He would say that the mind of a 4 year-old isn't developed enough for him to have a grasp of life and death and who goes to heaven with God. Plus these are topics that you as parents would like to address with him when he is ready.

Finally, he would remind her that you take seriously what you say in front of impressionable little children and because you want to keep the family close it is important for your family that she is respectful of you wishes.

As for you and your anger towards your mother-in-law, I would suggest that you take some time to take it for what it is- an ignorant person making a mistake. You and husband were also ignorant as to what extend she was capable of doing, but now you know and will treat her accordingly.

Your children are no longer in danger, thus there is no threat that merits you ripping her head off.

You and your husband sound like good parents- so keep the good work and your eyes open

At the end of the day she is your children's grandmother and your husband's mother and she is in your life for the long haul. I'd make it easy on yourself and try to deal with the situation head on. Have you spoken to her directly just the two of you? I'd suggest going for a coffee with her and talking about how you feel and try to be non-confrontational. Maybe then you'll get her side of the story (probably a toned down version) but at least not a denial and it can be a starting point to move on.

Don't let her babysit again if you don't want to. But remember you children will soon grow up and get over this and want to see her. My mum and her mother in law / my grandmother were pretty much at war until she died last year and it as just horrible for me and my dad. Family is family and it's sometimes irrelevant at the end of the day who has done wrong and who is at fault. Slapping your children is dreadful but it can be subjective - do we mean a light smack? Because she is older she may see this in a different way from you. And she may not realise that she was overstepping a line as they are your children not hers.

Is your husband on your side of this? If so that's the main thing and you're lucky. I'd try and sort it out so you can be civil as soon as you can, it doesn't have to genuine and it isn't neccessarily fair but i'd try anf think long term on this one.

I would ask her what happened? I would let her tell you her side of the story. Sometimes as an adult we do not realize how children take things and how they can let their imaginations run wild. I am not saying she did nothing wrong but there is a reason why your children are afraid of her. Could she be that stupid not to know what she did?

Hitting a child sends the wrong message. It tells them it's OK to hit another person if they do something wrong or you don't like. This is how bullies are created and later become an abusive partner.

Regardless of how the family feels about you, your job is to protect your child. Leaving or having a child visit her in this situation is not protecting them. Tell the family you don't know if it's true but your not taking the chance of it being true with your children.

What a shame this has happened.

You are right, a time will come when you have to see her. But don't worry about that now.

In the mean time, don't leave your kids alone with her. Don't talk about what happened to anyone on her side of the family. Except of course your husband. Like you said, they will take her side. They will also accuse you of spreading nasty rumors. If she wants to talk about it with them, then so be it. If they ask you about it, tell them you don't know what they are talking about and act normal. The only person whose going to look crazy is your mother-in-law.

Not only is she a cruel person, she is stupid. Doesn't she know that as she gets older, she will need more and more help from her family? She won't be getting any help from you, your husband or your kids. That's for sure!

Well, talk to her face to face alone with your husband. Sit her down and explain that your son told you that he was slapped while he was over her house, and he came home very scared of God. Tell her that you think it's innapropriate to touch your son that way, and he is still a little boy, so the topic of God will be brought up at a different time. Tell her you're grateful for what she does, but if she slaps your children again, you may not let them see her.

I think your different answerer, Petr. You have received to bear in mind at ease on your option to near her out. She was bringing you down. If asked through anyone at this family occasion, with out disorders say you have got gotten been busy after which alternate the discipline. Have one more sentence in a position so to trade the discipline an identical to ' Arent the toddlers establishing fast?' I consider so sorry for the ones toddlers that they're going to must develop up with the drama queen

the main thing is to reassure your children with their concerns. A 4yr. old doesn't have that vivid imagination nor the ability to make up details. If she won't admit to saying and doing those things chances are she will never admit to it and will more than likely repeat something similar and deny it again. I know it has to be hard but if you can control your emotions about this in front of your kids it would also help ease the fears they have - they see mommy and daddy upset they get upset as well. If you want them to have a continue relationship wtih her now or later it would be my suggestion let those visits to grandma's be supervised. As for her what comes around goes around and as the kids grow her relationship with them will suffer cause they will start figuring her out.

You don't confront her, let your husband handle it. As for your children let her find out for herself that they no longer want anything to do with her.

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