If your cat were to place an ad in the Personals, what would their ad say?

O hai, ladies! Single grey male swinger seeks open-minded MILF for naughty adventures, long-term relationship, and mutual grooming. I'm cooperative, answer to my name, have mostly adequate hygiene, and my friends tell me that I'm still the same passionate guy I was before The Surgery. If u want a guy who can make u PURR, call me.

"currently has no hobbies" Um, what do you call this? Anyway, on to the question at hand. My personal would read something like this: 35 year old male. Recently attacked by a bunch of cat ladies, but the mental scars will soon heal; neighbors most likely think I'm a meth addict due to my erratic hours, but I'm not; you can usually find me crying on my lawn holding nutsedge in my hand and screaming up to the heavens. If interested, please send a self addressed stamped envelope (because I'm too cheap to pay for postage) to: revenginator 666 Yamster Way Yahoo, California, 90666

My Himalayan "Tiny":

Beautiful Princess seeks Beautiful Prince for friendship ONLY (she's spayed, lol). Love basking in the sun on the deck with that special one.. Soft spoken gents only need apply...

My Black Persian "Boober":

Big, Black and Beautiful male seeks a part-time gig scaring folks on Halloween..

My tabby "Makki-bo-bo":

Tough city chick would like to meet a sparring partner for some action - Must be declawed or it's no fair.. No wimps need apply because I play to win!!

My gray Russian Blue "Baby Graycie":

Tiny little lady seeks orphaned kittens ~ I will love and care for unwanted or unloved babies for free... (she nursed and cared for a litter that was not hers, even though she's fixed and has never had any of her own!)

My two Black Persian kittens, "Dustbunny-A" and "Dustbunny-B":

Twin sisters seek male companionship ~ We are a load of fun and will sneak out of the house to see you at any opportunity... "A" is a lover and enjoys being brushed and catered to.. "B" is low maintenance but a little bit of a snob.. For a good time call XXX-XXXX

Alpha-female with a few extra pounds seeks large distinguished gentleman tabby for late night yowling, garbage dining, neighborhood exploring and mutual grooming. Hobbies include attacking my owners feet under the covers, fighting with hair scrunchies, odd socks, and the like, occasional curtain climbing, cabinet diving, and run-by scratching.

Hot kitty looking fur some good looking kitty fur to share my mouse with. All good looking cats meet me in the alley and we will have a howling good time.

purr purr yours meowing.

mine would say, hey baybay, single yellow male, looking for easy lay, size nor color matters. preferrably looking for a booty call, not long term. i'm not too choosey, don't even mind if im ur daddy. my interests are bird stalking, licking my balls, sniffing your ***, and licking my balls some more. and then sleeping. yours truly,

the cats Meeeeooooww

Mine would say:

Looking for new home. Owner refuses to let us go outside and is stingy with the wet cat food. I have coughed up hairballs to show my distaste for her actions towards us. If seen, please rescue me from this unloving, uncaring person"