Cdn. asks American's why money gift annoys most of you so much?

I think what you have been reading on YA is that it is considered rude to request money. Some people on this website want to put it on their invitation, which I consider pretty tacky. For a wedding you either give money in a card or you give a gift. Where I come from it is traditional to send the gift to the house and not even bring it to the wedding.

For the shower the majority of American Brides are registered. This way everyone going to the shower knows what the bridal couple wants. This way there is no confusion as to what color, style, or design they want. You go and pick something off the bridal registry and bring that or a card with money/gift card. I would personally prefer to pick out my own gifts as opposed to having my bridal party do that.

In reference to how your weddings are that is exactly how they are where I am from. You have to realize that there are a lot of different people from different areas here. Some regional areas do cake and punch receptions, some do full plated meals. It all depends on you, your family, your economic abilities, your heritage and more. As a side note the one buffet wedding I did go to was in Canada all the rest are plated, open bar, band/dj weddings.

Actually, in over half a century of attending Canadian weddings and showers, I have observed that many DON'T have a sit-down meal, or don't have an open bar, and so on. In the circles I move in, money gifts are considered in bad taste. In fact, tyey are considered outright offensive unless given only as group gifts where a collection has been taken, or by the parents of the couple.

I've never seen a glass Cinderella carriage, and at showers I give a small gift of the kind of expendable household necessity that's convenient to a young couple just setting up housekeeping. The shower is held in the hostess's home, and the main entertainment is watching the bride open the gifts that were chosen by the guests themselves.

Sorry, this is not a national trend. It isn't even broadly regional. It's the family you come from and the circles you move in.

Hey, not true what you say! I'm in Ontario, and that's not how the weddings here go. Yes, we tend to have the over-the-top reception, but I've only been to one wedding where they bothered with a receiving line, and I have never been to one where the couple didn't register. Same for bridal showers.

It's cultural, no matter where you live. In my neck of the woods, one does NOT make any mention of gifts except to close family and very close friends. Anyone who cannot think of a gift has the option of giving money (which is normally put into a card box, not given to the couple, even at the one I was at with a receiving line), or of asking the family for suggestions (such as "here's where they're registered").

ETA: Whoops, sorry. Not really offended. Should have chosen my words more carefully.

And I figured out a big cultural difference: a lot of these rules of etiquette come from British formal etiquette. So in Quebec you're normally going to have things from an entirely different culture (look at how different the laws are, for example).

I'm not quite sure why it's precisely considered rude, when registering isn't, but it's largely from the fact that you're not supposed to act as you're assuming that you will get gifts. Asking for money is a) not giving any choice and b) is saying "don't get me anything else at all", whereas a registry is just suggestions, and people are generally welcome to get other gifts too. Either way, putting anything regarding gifts in the invitations is a no-no.

hahahah Well first, I cannot afford to give $200-300 for every wedding I have been invited to and attended, that is insane. I do not know anyone that can. A lot of parents can only help with amounts like that in this day and age. That is a ton of money and it should come from family if they want to give it. I would NEVER expect my guests to bring me money at all much less amounts so high.

Secondly, it is a total and complete lack of thought. A gift for a wedding should be the things that they need to get started in life..not just cash to spend. That is why people register for the home items.

As for the shower, I like to choose and bring my own gift. Most people do. Plus the whole giving money thing is just not thoughtful at all. I do not want my friends to have to spend tons of money. If they can afford a gift, then great, if not, that is okay too.

When you invite someone to your own wedding it is rude to assume they will even give a gift let alone ask for money. What type of gift you wish to receive should never be part of the invitation. You are inviting them for a celebration not to a charity event and a guest should not feel obligated to give a gift, but should be given freely.

With that said I do feel if it is with in your budget to give a gift to try to cover the cost of your dinner. I have always given money to every wedding I attended. In certain parts of the U.S. giving money is considered rude, a more personal gift should be given.

A bridal shower is different. The purpose of this event is to give gifts.

Well, we Americans tend to be a sentimental bunch. lol Nothing says "I don't know you well enough to buy you a thoughtful gift" or "I really just don't care that much" like giving cash. It requires no thought or planning- just a trip to the ATM.

But that just goes for the "giving" portion. If I am reduced to giving cash as a gift, I feel like it's a cop out. Receiving cash as a wedding or shower gift is a different story altogether! My fiance and I registered for a few items (things we couldn't afford to buy on our own like luxury towels, and things we couldn't really justify like a soft-serve icecream maker, as well as traditional stuff like china and stemware, which the older ladies in the family insisted on), but told our immediate families that we'd prefer cash. We're saving for a down payment on a house, and cash will be much more helpful than 6 crock pots. No one resents receiving cash as a gift (no one sane, anyway), it's just kind of depressing to give it. There aren't any "oohs" and "aahs" when the couple is opening their gifts at brunch the next day (I think this might be a Polish tradition, but I'm sure lots of other cultures do it too.), and there's no sentiment other than a heartfelt note written in the card. Everyone wants their gift to elicit a reaction, hopefully surprise and elation, and unless it's a large sum of money, that's probably not gonna happen. Not that it isn't appreciated. It's just that a check for $100 isn't too exciting when you've already opened 20 others. (Wow, I sound like a spoiled brat. lol)

The biggest problem with cash gifts is the etiquette surrounding requesting them. Gifts of any kind should never ever be mentioned in an invitation, because you should not be "expecting" them. Even saying "No gifts, please" is implying that you were expecting people to bring gifts. The proper way to request a certain type of gift and relay registry information is to let your family do it for you. If you would prefer cash, or a donation to a charity in your name, or no gifts at all, have your family and friends spread the word- when asked! It's also okay to tell people yourself if they ask you, but it's rude for the giftee to bring it up.

My sister (the family big-mouth) has been instructed to answer the question "Where are they registered?" with "The bank". lol

Hi there! We live in Sydney, Australia and got married last year, both of us for the 2nd time. We didn't need anything, already being in possession of 2 houses full of furnishings etc, so we asked our guests to put money towards the cost of our honeymoon! Our local travel agency has something called a Bridal Registry, and the guests went in, paid the equivalent cost of a gift for us, and received a little card as a receipt and we received a matching little card inside our wedding cards, and by the time we flew out to Tasmania on our honeymoon, we found we had been given well over $1,000.00. It worked really well and most of our guests were very happy to give us money as a gift. Some people wrapped presents for us, but not many. Cheers!

I don't know about the generalization (what you described is pretty much exactly what every wedding I've ever been to was like) but it's only the prissy brides who make a huge deal about giving money as a gift. Personally, I would much rather get either money or something off the registry instead of something "creative" they thought of themselves.

Some people feel it shows a lack of thought being put into the gift. Personally, I don't mind money or gift cards. That way I can get something I truely need or want.

Cash gifts may be practical but they are impersonal. Nothing says "I don't know you very well or care to find out" like cash does. The couple made a registry of stuff they need and want but hardly anyone even looks at them anymore since they prefer to give and receive cash instead.