Since my 5th day of marriage, I've regretted getting married?

Vincent,

What is love?

I mean think about it for a few minutes.

Is love a feeling? No.

Is love passion? No.

Is love being happy? No.

So what is love. I believe you already know the answer my brother...

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

The very essience of love is God. And the very exspression of God's love is when He gave His Son. God gave HIs very best. God gave to those who reject His gift. God gives the free gift of salvation even to those who mock the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. Loves exspression is found in the giving of ones self. Just as God gave His very heart, you must do the same to your wife.

Vincent, I'm going to (as we say in the south) "shoot straight" with you in the next few senteces so please do not be offended.

When you married your wife it was a commitment you made not only to her, but to God. No man an island. Every desision we make effects someone, especialy those who are close to us (i.e. your wife and children). The Lord has placed us as men in posiosions of leadership as husbands. So I challenge you, as one husband to another...as one father to another...as one me man to another, that you shake off this self pity, this self doubt, and the trick of the enemy that would like nothing better than to see another marrage fail. Come on Vincent! We are men, not children. As husbands and fathers, we have a greta resposability to those whom God has placed in our care (our family).

So what is my advice to you?

#1. Shake off any doubts you may have about your marrige and your relationship with your wife. Have a made up mind that come "hell or high water" you are going to do everything within your power to stand committed to your wife, and the vow you made to her before God.

#2. Put first things first. Place God, and His kingdom first, and He will make sure that everything else will work out.

Mt. 6:33

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

#3. Don't listen to the advice of unbelievers. Especialy here on the YA.

#4. Don't trust your "feelings", trust God. Since God placed you and your wife together then feelings are secondary to His will.

#5. Gaurd your confesion. I am not saying that you should lie about what your going through. But always add a "but" or a "yet" to it. For instance "I don't have feelings of love for my wife, but I am in love with her." Our words have power, so speak life and not death over your marrige.

Let me know if I can help further.

Elder Greg

~SFECU~

For awhile, when you first "fall in love" with someone, the Neurotransmitter going through your head is called P.E.A. Overtime, you build up a tolerance for this, and between about 6 months - 1 year it wears off. During that time, you're almost literally addicted to the person. 5 days is not long enough to know anyone, let alone marry, and this was most definitely a mistake. A well trained actor could put up a facade for 5 days, let alone when you're now miles away. My suggestion would be to get a divorce, and if you still feel connected after awhile, then maybe get married again, but marriage has legal ties to it which can screw up your whole life situation if you're not careful. Tread lightly, and good luck to you.

I hate to tell you this, if you are honest with your wife and tell her you never really loved her then the relationship will not be left in tact. After 8 years its too late to tell her you never loved her. If any thing, tell her the passion is gone - at least that way she will be comforted with the thought that she did once have love. Unfortunately if you do want the real love feeling, you will have to leave and be single again to find it and that means divorce, don't try to find it while you are still married - it will end even worse. What if you did meet some one you loved and she didn't like kids or she just made you miserable?

You may have married hastily, but its been 8 years with 2 kids, and she is a great wife and mother. Its not her fault you did this without feelings so please do not tell her what she thought was love, was not at all. What ever you decide, at least spare her feelings from the knowledge that her memories of your wedding day and all the happiest moments of her life are tainted forever, if you tell her you never loved her the same way.

Hey, it is what it is... you made a mistake and you are dealing with it. Some of these people act like you are the devil when in reality, you were just being honest. I also think it's great that you value your kids well being over your own... that is what a great parent does!

The only thing I can say is continue to pray and maybe those feelings will turn around for you! If she is a great wife and mother, then there is no harm to stay with her until the kids are gone. You made a mistake, sure it's not the first and surely won't be the last... just don't mistreat the wife because you feel trapped!

Awe, this is so sad to hear. While you openly admit that you don't have feelings for your wife,this will come as such a shock to her if you were too admit this to her flat out. She'll feel like this came out of left field, in which it will. She'll feel like you've deceived her. I think that while you are being honest with your feelings, you should probably seek out the advice of a professional- a counselor who can tell you how you should approach this situation. Are you sure that you've been faking it for 8 years, If you're wife thinks that it's awesome, you must be doing a wonderful job. I sure that maybe you did love your wife at some point and it's just fizzled out somewhat. I'm sorry but I don't really have any advice that would help you.

I have been married 4 times. I know the feeling. Then I found out that God says to love them no matter how you feel. In the old Hebrew, God tells the man to take a wife.(sometimes many at one time) If you love her or don't love her she is still your wife.

I am really afraid to get married again because I hate divorce. I had 3 divorces and one husband died. THe one that died is the one I really loved. Strange but things like that happen.

There are many things in life that we must do, some are devoid of pleasure, but we adapt, cause we are men.

My Wife and I were married at the preconceived behest of our parents.

We have only our faith in common.

Look on your commitment as so: Marriage is a triangle; God at the top, your Wife at the bottom on one side and You at the bottom on the other side. Strive after God, climbing the pyramid, lead your Wife to do the same. As the two of you climb the pyramid towards God you will draw closer together and achieve that oneness that is intended and pronounced in the uttering of the term "Marriage".

Your Joy will be made Full!

A prayer, to day is with You and Yours.

I've been in your shoes. Frustrated as all get out and she isn't hearing it. She thinks everything on her end is okay, so why compromise?

I prayed and prayed about it, but didn't feel led in any particular direction. I tried mentioning things, but they would get brushed aside or chuckled at. (Nice, huh?) Then I tried the sit-down method. That helped, but then life was like a merry-go-round and we got nowhere. Then, something occurred to me: I need to tell her exactly how I feel. (Funny how the Holy Spirit talks to us!)

One day, I just dumped. It all. The kids were out of the house, of course. No physical contact, but lots of rage (aka 'getting it out'). I spilled the whole cart and kicked some apples. I figured I just can't continue this way. I am suffering and she's dancing on the ceiling. I couldn't keep playing the sacrificial lamb role. Life is about relationships and this one was tearing me apart. (Maybe not the exact method God wanted me to take, but this is me, warts and all. Hey, I was in pain.)

About ten minutes later, when I was finished (or was it when I took a breath?), she broke down and admitted some things that had been bothering her, too. We talked--both civil at this point--and we made a commitment to consult each other when making big decisions, on how to raise the kids, and in general how to treat each other.

Flipping your lid might not be the best way to handle things, but I just couldn't sit on the trunk of monsters anymore. Plus, about six months later, we're all much happier.

You have to deny yourself AND someone else, no matter which way you take.

Choosing the way you take may be done in function of denying yourself the least, or denying someone else the least.

If you are a standard-issue schmoque, you will reckon how much time left you have to make a fresh go of life, and work out something that denies you the least, with the least unsightly mess.

If you have a good pair of balls, you'll look for the end in all things, and project what the outcome can be at the end of your life, after all of your own gratifications have become irrelevant. What will it be like for your children and their children?

You could leave her now, later, or not at all. Which of these is the way of the noble, far-sighted person, and which is for the standard-issue schmoque, I couldn't say. It's your situation, so who knows? Any of these three can be really, but REALLY dirty.

Dear Vincent, you have gotten a lot of horrible answers!

You are a mature man who realizes that love is not a feeling, it's an action and a commitment. I would suggest that you find a Christian counselor to help you through this. I can only relate in the fact that I have a dad I absolutely loathed ( I'm not saying you loathe your wife) but there was no love there, because of the abuse he put me through. I knew God was convicting me to find love and forgiveness for him. My Pastor helped me. I was able to find the love of Jesus in my heart for my dad.

Also, I have been married for 18 years, and the thought has crossed my mind that I made a mistake and there were times I have regretted it. The first 10 years were the roughest. Then we were united through the bonding of the Holy Spirit. Seeking God together, we had a Holy Spirit bonding time. Nothing can increase your love for someone more then God through the Holy Spirit.

It takes time, years, a lifetime, to build a life with someone. It is worth it, to build it with Jesus Christ as the cornerstone.

I pray blessings upon you, and that you will find the answers through God that you need for this.

Find your rest and peace in Him.

Do not tell your wife you never loved her! Some people don't think, that would give her a huge set of issues. I once heard someone say that in a marriage men need to feel trusted and women need to feel loved, if you tell her you never loved her you can pretty well bet the marriage will end.

I think you should start planning dates with your wife. Try to find new activities that would spark both of your interests that might bring about new feelings for her. Don't you feel in love with her when you look in the eyes of your children? She carried them around and cared for them and gave you children! That is the ultimate gift any woman can give a man. I think you need to start thinking about all the positive things your wife has to offer instead of wallowing in self pity. Perhaps you should give counseling a try.