What would you do - stay or leave?

I've been through two marriages...and two divorces. I speak from the experience of marital neglect, financial difficulties, and even physical abuse in both marriages.

Simply put:

It takes two to make ANY marriage work. You can try and try and try..you can beg, plead, scream, cry, talk, etc....but if your spouse is unwilling to give an equal effort...there's not much else to be done except cut your losses and start your life over.

BUT!!!!

you HAVE to give him the chance to try. No ultimatums, no threats, no temper-tantrums. none of the "if you don't do couple's therapy, i'll leave." that's just asking him to go into it unwillingly. it has to be an equal and willing and most importantly open minded decision for you both.

I seriously wish you the best of luck. It's a hard road to take regardless of how you decide it's best...but remember...in the end you have to watch out for your own well being. Loving someone doesn't always mean you're in love with them. and the two key points you mentioned..the communication and lying.....no relationship can thrive without trust and communication.

I can also be stubborn and blunt sometimes but there are limits. People need to compromise in a relationship. It sounds like you both have a difficult time trusting each other. If you both are having major financial issues the stress can cause problems with your sex life. I wonder why your husband is lying. Lying is never funny and I'm sure he wouldn't be laughing if you lied to him. I also wonder why your husband spends so much money. Is he overly concerned about his appearance or impressing people? Hopefully your husband isn't having an affair. It's been a year and I don't think you should get divorced. If you have already done counseling have you ever thought about praying or visiting a local church? I was dealing with a lot of issues in my life and when I learned about God I found the answers I was looking for.

ok 1st of all if you all are having financial problems why not suggest to him that you would like to have separate accounts so that way you each have your own money but keep the one that you have together now and figure out how much money you need each month for the bills and you put half and he puts half in that way the bills are covered as far as your job my advice is if you need to mow grass take a benidrill before cutting grass and go to your local pharmacy and get some masks that help from letting in bad air (sorry getting tired) as far as your number one problem of him not wanting sex sit him down and tell him point blank that if he no longer wants you then he needs to move out that you are tired of being room mates and what are some of the things that he is lying about is it his where abouts or is it who he is with cause if he is with other woman he is getting it else where as far as the children issue are other friends having kids and he might be saying that cause he doesn't want his friends knowing that you all are having problems i also have the same problem with not being able to resolve anything all i can say is sit there and talk about it till you either do or till one of you gets up and leaves good luck

Your marriage is definitely wrecked but still salvageable. Don't throw in the towel just yet.

That said, is it possible that your husband suffers from compulsive spending? Compulsive spenders use money and spending to deal with low self-esteem, stress, boredom, and a host of other emotional issues. And the stress of spending yourself deep into debt would kill anyone's sex drive.

Sit down with your husband and make it very clear that things have to change or you're out the door. Also, look into establishing a separate credit rating--something that you are entitled to do under the Equal Credit Opportunity Act. You shouldn't have to be paying off his debts fifteen years later if you decide to divorce him.

Only you can know what is right for you to do you sound so unhappy and so conflicted about this relationship. Prehapse before you totally give up try councelling as a couple to try to work through some nof these issues. If you feel you want to work through things then thats a possibility however if things arent what you want then you need to work on what you want no one here can give you what you want to hear whats right for you and others are different

Physically I leave. Until I calm down. I know myself well enough to know how I always feel less upset about something if I remove myself to "cool off". But I stay in the relationship. It usually takes a lot for me to walk away from someone, romantic relationships and friendships alike.

well,I'm thinking that your relationship is still too new to be so old. At 4 years and no kids, life should be easier and a lot happier than it is. Actually, I don't know what else to say, sorry, just not sure what to add.

don't have any children with this man..he is immature....get out!

try here

http://www.marriageadvice.com/