How do I handle the baby's father? (It's quite long)?

I have to be honest, our stories are so very similar it's scary! My ex and I dated for what seemed like forever! We talked about marriage, children, buying a house, the month I got pregnant we were talking about getting a dog. Then I got pregnant. He told me to get an abortion, that he was not ready for children. I figured since we had come this far it would have just sped things up, but he walked away cold turkey. I invited him to everything regarding the baby. When I was 20 weeks, he called and asked if he could come visit, as you know he lives in another state. I asked why now? He said that he wanted to see me... so we talked and finally I got it out of him, he wanted me to have an abortion. He thought if he was down here he could be more convincing! I was flabbergasted and stopped talking to him. He is not on the birth certificate... and that is exactly why he and I do not go to court. He refuses to see our daughter and won't help in anyway, as you know! MY daughter has been sick and hospitalized! I called him for a family history question and he could not call me back because he was with his dad and his dad does not know about our daughter! The next day I text him because the pediatrician came back in to check on her... and I tried to call while she was there, but he was out with friends and too busy. That night I text and he was out with friends at a party. I gave up. He finally called but at that point they had already run the extensive painful test that I was trying to avoid. His response was, " Well she won't remember it. She is too little!" I was so hurt! He does not help me out finacially. He won't buy her anything. He does not want to "waste" his money and he, "should not have to be responsible for something he(I) did not want" and I quote!

I know my daughter can tell when I have to talk to him or I have talked to him, because she gets fussy and just irritable. I know I give off anger and sadness, so for her sake I have had to wash my hands of him. The only time I will ever talk to him is if our daughter had another medical issue! He is not worth it.

Moral of the story... neither is your's. Our babies need happy mommies not ones who are constantly worrying about their fathers. It was their parents job to raise them, not ours... and I do not want to raise an adult! I paid for 3 years of my ex's college education, when he was here with me. Go figure... That was the plan. He would finish and then we would work on getting me through...! Yea right! Good thing is that I do not have any of the loans in my name. But it did not matter, there was maybe 2k left on the one from his 3rd year! Just walk away. Do not call him and maybe eventually he will forget. I know that sounds so bad... but really I do not want my daughter to know that she was not her father's first priority, ya know? Same with your son! They are too precious to be jacked around with like that... by their FLESH and BLOOD none the less. It's disgusting to me! I wish you the best and remember you are the only one your son needs right now! I totally understand the money issue too, as you already know, but I know we will make it!

I just want to share this with you... a question was asked about what men thought of single mom's and if they were afraid to be involved with them. A woman responded with the nicest and funniest answer! She said,"You'll never know how much you'll like the ice cream and sprinkles if you don't try the ice cream because of the sprinkles!" Ice cream - single mom, sprinkles - baby. I thought that was super cute. Keep your head up and just stay away from your ex... he has used you for the last time

Guys really suck at some of this baby stuff. They don't have the same instincts as we do. My bf would give my mini heart attacks when he used to toss our 3 month old into the air and then catch her. How is that necessary? Anyways, don't write him off for the stupid stuff. I agree the bath incident is pretty bad. Remember to pick your battles. Hopefully he gets some time seeing how good parents treat a baby (like you) and he will actually learn a thing or two.

If he wants time with his son, you should encourage that. Some fathers don't. It also might be good for him and give him some motivation to get his life straightened out.

I say you work out some sort of agreement. Offer him rides if he agrees to watch the baby at your place (and maybe then you can supervise a little?) or think of other ways he could get over (bus, friends, etc.)

Oh, and he should be paying more for his son than what he's paying. No matter who's name is on the birth certificate. No matter who watches your son while you work. No matter if there's a court order or not. Your son has needs.

you should have stopped helping him when he got arrested. You should have left his butt in jail. Personally I believe you are enabling this childish behavior of his because you still have feelings for him. Although why you would love someone who clearly doesn't love or respect you is beyond me.

It's time to wake up and put yuor son first, drop this loser. If he wants to be a part of his son's life he will and no amount of nagging or lack of communcation on your part will stop him. A man who wants to father his child doesn't need to be reminded he's a father, he knows and his actions show that he wants to be a parent. Your ex doesn't want to be a parent, he's still a child.

EDIT:I hate to break the bad news to you but the courts won't see it that way. Regardless if a non custodial parent is making payments on court ordered (or not ordered) child support they still have a legal right to see and spend time with their child. Actually you could be found in contempt of court if you did have a support/visitation order in place and you were refusing him access to his son because he isn't paying support. So I think you might want to take a look at your approach. Maybe if you back off a little and let him see his son without the threat of taking visits away if he doesn't empty his pockets, than he might be more likely to come around often and might even feel that obligation to financially support his child.

Knowing all the drama you have to deal with your baby's father you should have end it by not being so involved with him anymore since he seems to not care so much about his responsibilities as a father. You shouldn't even care so much, or help him out so much it should be him doing all that. Why do you have to do it? You only have one baby, it's sad that the baby's father can behave so immature. You can keep pushing in hopes that he would want to see his baby more and find ways in seeing his own child without having you drive him around, but at this point if he hasn't realized yet he may not ever, unless he has plans to better himself for his future for the sake of his child's future. If all he cares is all the other stuff then what his child needs then you don't need to take your precious time helping him out when he doesn't love your child, care for your child like you do.

You can' t have it both ways. You want him to help and to pay but you don't want him to have any say. It does not work that way. You can have a DNA test and have him declared as the father if you want, but you don't want to. You knew who this man was before you had a baby with him, did you think he was going to change just because the baby got here? You say he needs to grow up but you do as well. Do what you have to do to give your child the best life possible and stop catering to this man. When he's ready to be a dad he will foster a relationship with his son, but you trying to force it now isn't the answer.

I would see what kind of assistance is out there for you if you need it, be it from the federal, state or local gov or from a charity.

Good luck to you.

Well, if you aren't going to go to court and have things hashed out there and have him realize that he needs to support his child, there's really nothing you should do.

Keep going on the way you are going, letting him decide if he should help his son this week, and hope he makes the right decision.

Don't do anything for him. If he wants to see his son, then he's a big boy, let him figure out a way to get to you.

You are letting him get off easy on this one.

Tough. He doesn't have his name in his certificate and your heart is a tad to big. If he wants to see Beau he can drive to your house and see him, it's only fair after what you've seen him do on his own (the rash and the bath incident) You owe him nothing, not your money, not your pity, not your chances and not your son.

If it was that important to him, he'd walk to see his son.

Don't waste time with him. If he calls and says hey I'm coming to see him, fine, but don't hold your breath.

You can't be giving all your attention on yourself and your son with this in your life.

Your son deserves better.

Don't ask him for things, don't call him, go on as the only parent your son has.

You'll see, his "father" will completely drop out. You can't force him to be a dad. You can't.

I know how things go...and how they get dragged out.

But out of all that, I havent seen anything that benefits you or your son.

It's about time you stop making it easy for him.

He wants to see his son?..he calls and arranges a time that works for you and the baby, he finds his own way there, and his own way back.

End of story.

It's time for it to be more about the baby, less about the two of you.

The baby deserves to be supported by both of his parents, which means taking him to court for child support.

If you dont want to do that, and give him the rights he deserves..then you shouldnt be complaining, and need to just decide to let it go.

BUt everytime you make the drive, or the phone call...you are enabling him and setting yourself up for more problems.

Well, right now he is in control. He pays when he wants, see him when he wants and is still taking advantage of you. If you want child support, take him to court. Get eveything legal and stand up for yourself. As far as stop helping him, tell him NO!! You have a son to take care of who has medical needs and special attention for caring for him. The baby is you number 1 responsibility.

You need to take a stand and grow up and face the facts: He said what he needed to to get you in bed, he told the courts what he wanted to get a hardship license and lost it. He is responsible for his actions, not you.

Take care of you and the baby and he has to take care of himself.