For adoptive parents... what do you say when people praise you?

1. I am the lucky one

2. say nothing

3. shut up

4. thank you (on really bad days)

5. YOu know it is sad that adoption needs to happen at all.

6. shut up

I have never actually told someone to shut up in life, but given how often I get this question, sometimes you feel like it. And frankly, I am grandiose, you want to think I am great then go to it but NEVER place my child in a category of "needy" or I am great to have adopted a child "like him". Those are when I am close to saying shut up, but don't. I do give a really good look that relays the message. When I get those ones saying "like him:", I say yes isn't he fantastic!

ETA: Or just say Ketchup. THat'll confuse them!

I usually say, "Oh, no...I'm the lucky one." Sometimes, if I know the person fairly well, I'll even add, "S might not agree with you when I'm having a bad day!" That usually shuts them up.

In all honesty, I wanted to be a mom. I adopted for ME, not to be a savior. We both got lucky, but if I hadn't come along, my son would have been adopted by someone. I'M the lucky one to have HIM.

Yeah, I stumble over that one as well. It does make me uncomfortable. I'm not trying to apply for sainthood or savior-hood. I usually say something like, "We're all lucky to be together." Similar to what you say. There are valid reasons why statements like the "sainthood" bit are not appropriate in adoption situations, but it's hard to give an Adoption 101 course to someone on the fly. I think the motives are good behind those statements. The people making the comments don't realize what a loaded statement that is.

I was never expecting that portion of the adoption experience. It is very uncomfortable for me personally and I really hope no one EVER says anything like that to us in front of our daughter. I also hate the "that is one lucky little girl" or when people ask very dark insinuating questions about her parentage. Hate it. I also had the very first, "Well, you never know what types of genetics you'll get when you adopt" from someone who noticed that our daughter didn't have teeth, hair or wasn't walking (she's 11 months).

I take a big step back and I have a rehearsed--"we are a very happy family." I used to try to "educate" people on how offensive/uncomfortable it was and how those statements could be perceived by her and everyone else in the adoption chain. The reactions were very very ODD and awkward so I stopped.

While I am not an adoptive parent, I did raise the daughter of a friend for a number of years and received these same accolades, which felt awkward. I would simply say thank you, she is a blessing in my life and leave it at that. As you've said, this is really an acknowledgment that not everyone is willing to raise other people's children and make them their own.

I know what you mean about stumbling over words...In my head after these exchanges, I always think of the PERFECT thing to say! At the time, though, I feel weird, and just get all awkward.

I usually just say, "Oh, we're definitely the lucky ones!". Sometimes though, someone will follow that up with, "Oh, but really! What a wonderful thing...!"

Sigh.

When they won't let it go, they will then sometimes get, "Well, they didn't ask for us to adopt them; we wanted to." Sometimes, I think this gets through. It's simple enough that they sort of understand what I'm driving at, without me having to talk at them for a half hour.

That has worked--so far. It's only been a couple of months, though. ;-)

I don't want to be rude to people or downplay/trivialize what they are saying, especially when they are trying to be genuine, but I do set them straight. I normally say something along the lines of "while I appreciate what you are saying and thank you for it, we really didn't think that way when we decided to adopt and we feel we are the ones who are blessed by having them in our lives."

My adoptive mover would always say, "No, we're the ones who are blessed that we were able to raise her." That kept it simple and avoided the nasty, albeit unintentional, connotation of what they were saying.

We've heard the same compliments many, many times. I usually say "Thank you---we enjoy being here for them" or I'm sure you could do the same thing. etc. etc. We took our children with us to church too. I took their compliments in the way they were offered. Knowing our children's backgrounds we felt blessed too.

And foster parents are a mighty blessed group of people---it takes a mighty dedicated person to even Attempt to fill the shoes of a foster parent. It's all giving and no taking.

"Actually, it's pretty clear we're the lucky ones"