What do I follow if this is what I believe in my heart?

I appreciate how you feel.

First of all, I applaud you for expressing such feelings publicly and articulately. There are a number of belief systems and organizations that are similar to what you describe. But more important than selecting a label is examining and understanding what you believe, why, and how it impacts your lives and those around you.

A great place to continue along your journey might be a Unitarian Universalist congregation (http://uua.org/). It's not a huge religion by any means, but you are fairly likely to have one within range. They promote the inherent worth and dignity of all humans regardless of race, creed, class or orientation. They don't have a fixed doctrine as with Catholics, Mormons, etc. Instead they have a list of principles which encourage people to work together to search for what holds particular spiritual meaning for each individual, within the context of an understanding and supportive group of people.

This site has a lot of information on their principles, what they do, where to find a meeting place, etc: http://uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml

I wish you the best of luck on your journey. The world is a difficult place for a mind to live, and I hope you find inspiration and encouragement.

It sounds like your experience in church wasn't that great. I'm sorry about that. You asked a lot of questions and it would take a long time to address all of them. Many books have been written on some of these topics.

I think that one thing to consider is that sometimes, things are not as they appear. The love of God is for all. Jesus died for all. All are invited to go to heaven. I know that is true.

1 Timothy 2:4 who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

God loves you.

He allows it because of His fairness. He will allow even evil to complete it's course before passing final judgement. The opening part of your post is very beautiful and you should not give up on God, just because of the bad behavior you have seen from the "church people" It may not be hip to believe in the old legend, the way that it is written, but it has been around for 5000 years. Rumors and myths usually dry up and blow away. read the bible for yuorself and leave the church building for those who believe in it. I don't go to a church , but I love God and read His book

God is Love and Love is most powerful element. and we are all ugly when God sees us because we are sinners but because of Jesus he choose to look beyond our bad things and Love all of us whether Gay or Straight equally

and you shouldn't be guided by the things Christian's say about other people be guided by what the Bible and Jesus says

God gave us guidelines and rules to follow because he created us and he knows how we work and he have our manual(Bible)

God doesn't let people commit murder and rape and get away with it or let people get murdered or raped he says "All things workout for good for those who love and obey God" and he promises on that one

So we just have to take the test(our life on earth) and work hard on it just like our manual(Bible) says hope and pray for the guidance of God in our life and go to heaven for eternity and full happiness forever

our life is short and we only have one chance to follow Jesus

I'm answering the last part of your question.God told A.E. not to eat but it wasn't an apple it was not to have an illicit sexual relationship .After the fall they covered their sexual parts.The suffering that we are experiencing comes from the fall.We have a responsibility God gave us three blessings be fruitful ,multiply and take dominion Gen1-28.However because of the fall we have become dominated be evil and selfish thoughts which lead us to commit sin.

The earth is fighting back...?

Wow. I never realized that the Earth scratched it's head and said "Hey I think I'm going to burn down the city of Pompeii today!"

Follow some paragraphs next time - that was a wall of text.

The short bus.

Believe what you want you're only here once

What exactly are you asking? What do you mean by "what do I follow"?

Congratulations, you're another person who has made up a bunch of stuff and believed it for no reason.