What do AP's owe everyone?

A parent, whether adoptive, biological or step, owes a child love, safety/security, enough food to nourish their body, attention, time, and to show an interest in the child.

In terms of an adoptive child, they should give them as much information as they have when the child asks as long as it is age appropriate and in the child's best interest to know. When the child reaches 18, they should tell the child everything that they know, should the 18 year old want to know. If the child wants to do an adoption search, then they should try to help as much as they are able to do.

As to the birth family, they may or may not owe them anything. It really depends on the birth parent/s. Some birth families aren't worthy of respect. Some are. It depends on what they have done to deserve it.

If you are adopting a child from the foster care system, you might be dealing with individuals who have been extraordinarily abusive towards that child. They may have done unspeakable things and violated the child's trust and body in a number of ways. So, no, adoptive parents do not "owe" them anything.

The adoptive parents owe it to the child to never speak badly about them though. That isn't for the bio family but for the child. The child needs time to heal and if the adoptive parents speak badly of the bio family then it has the same abusive and negative impact as if the bio mom would sit around telling the child that her bio father was a "*(F%^&&*@G B*&*&^^)

In terms of an infant adoption, the adoptive parents owe the birth mom what they say they are going to do during the adoption process. If they say they are going to send pictures twice a year, then that is what they owe the birth mother. If they say, they are going to email once a month, then that is what they should do. They should not promise to do things that may not be possible. They shouldn't say "We will stay in this general area" when that may not be possible. You can't determine what is going to happen in 5, 10, 15 years so you don't know if you may have to move for a job or for other family responsibilities or whatever.

And even though this wasn't asked, this is what the birth family owes the adoptive family. They owe them respect. And the birth mother should not try to supplant the adoptive mother. The adoptive parents have raised and loved this child for x number of years. They have sacrificed for this child. They have held this child when this child cried. They have parented this child. Just as the adoptive family should never speak badly of the bio family nor should the bio family speak badly of the adoptive family. And the bio parent owes the child the truth no matter how ugly it may be. If bio parent was strung out on drugs when she gave the child up for adoption, then that is what the young adult should be told. If the bio parent was 13, then that is what she should tell them. And lastly, the bio parents shouldn't give the child false hope. If the bio parent really doesn't want a relationship with the child, she should say that. Don't lead him or her on. That is just cruel. Just tell them the truth.

AP's owe the child the benefit of not feeling like they should be grateful.

Ap's owe the biological family a part in the adoptive cild's life. Talk to the child about their roots.

AP's owe themselves to do the best they are capable of for their adopted child.

AP's owe society for sanctioning the process and making it possible to adopt.

Most of all they owe the adopted child the right to be themselves.

I'm not sure 'owe' is a good word to use in the question.

Adoptive parents should just be the best parents they can be (same as any parent no matter how they become a parent) and be honest with their child and natural parents. Being supportive of any contact with natural parents, just being there for their child.

1. No one should adopt with the intention of avoiding "emotional problems," so they owe their children lots of compassion & a continuous effort to understand the adoptee perspective.

2. The absolute truth about our origin.

3. Not to expect your kid to have been a blank slate, or have only "normal kid problems."

4. To not ignore the fact that we lost our entire family before we became a part of yours, no matter how old we were when you adopted us.

6. To never, ever minimize that loss (it does not mean we love our AP's any less).

8. To validate whatever feelings we have about being different/adopted.

9. To 100% support us in reuniting with our biological families if that is what we want.

& they owe the biological family respect at the very least... & support in having a wonderful relationship with their daughter/son if that is what the adoptive child wants.

The only debt the APs have is to the child, to give them a positive and loving upbringing. That debt ripples outward indirectly to the first family b/c by respecting the child, validating their feelings, etc., it is showing respect to the first family.

The integrity to put their insecurities aside for the good of the adoptee. Honesty, openness and an open ended invitation to answer any questions. When safety isn't an issue-to maintain contact with the first family members (there are some things the Afamily cannot fully "complete" for the adoptee).

Continue to ask hard questions of their own so they can be better parents.

Basically, basic human respect of everyone involved.

I'm an adoptive parent, and I owe the best life I can for my child, and most of all, I owe him the truth. I think my son will be more confident in life, and will have fewer adjustment issues because he will have always known that he was adopted, and he'll always have contact with his first family.

I also owe his first parents my undying gratitude, contact with our son (meaning all four of us-not just my son), they get my respect, my love, and I hope they feel I've earned their trust.

They also get all the pictures I take loadeed up on Facebook so they can see.

I also had to give something that was very hard, because our son's first mom had done a dose of meth the day he was born. I had to give her forgiveness. Although it's something I'd never approve of, at the same time, since she had made up her mind to place him, and she didn't want to be able to change it, I understand why she used, and I truly believe that she didn't think it'd affect him so badly. Afterwards, I gave her confidence, and faith, and she's now raising his little sister, and if it weren't for me, she never would have kept her either.

They owe nothing to everyone. What they do owe is the best life possible to the child they are raising.

They owe the children to be the best parents they can be. As any parent would. As for the natural parents, they owe them a thanks for giving us life.

the truth