Ok everyone, what do YOU think about this?

I think it shows the diversity of situations out there in adoption. Young, older, married, and more or less crusty and in denial in the case of the adoptive parent. She didn't do adoptive parents any favors but she makes some hard to swallow points that I know I will get thumbs down for. We do have to acknowledge some of what she said even though I recognize she said them because of jealousy/spite/insecurity. It is reality that for adult adoptee or relinquishing mother who has not had contact with their biofam--personal feelings aside, YES, their biological families are virtual strangers. So many here wonder why after 1 or 2 meetings into reunion why the bio parents or adoptee do not want further contact--if people were honest with themselves and looking at the situation from a more clinical perspective they would have to acknowledge that usually no one did any thing wrong when they met--it was just they were not raised together and they are virtual strangers at that point. Sometimes reunions bring up memories from a bad time or ill feelings. If they don't have similar ideals or expectations either party or both may feel very awkward and not wish for further contact.

And before anyone jumps on me--I am all for supporting mothers to keep their child and when termination occurs for open adoptions, records etc.

What Jennifer said. I was shocked but not surprised at the adopter's comment at the end. Shocked because Abby allowed such a childish comment in the response since she (this is Jeanne, daughter of the original Abby) of all the advice columnists has historically been more open about reunions.

I suppose she felt she had to present all sides and sadly many adopters have these same insecurities. It's probably for the best that anyone considering search is aware that is a possible reaction. Sad but that's real life in the search and reunification world.

from the link..

"DEAR ABBY: You said you hoped "Thankful Son" could meet his birth mother. Why? As an adoptive mom of adult children, I feel just as happy not having the birth parents intervene in our lives. ""

No surprise here for me. Have read much the same from APs on the net since 1995. At least this AP was *honest*. Though it still never fails to amaze me that APs of adults, still believe reunion is somehow about them. As in "our lives".

I saw that one. I sent back a response regarding the adoptive mom's letter at the end that essentially said that yes, we are REAL mothers, but that doesn't mean that we are the ONLY real mothers. Your adopted children's connections to their biological parents has nothing to do with you and your insecurities.

I think it illustrates a common feeling of natural mother's who fear interrupting the lives of the children they gave for adoption.

Boo to the "real mom in miami"

I think the "birth" mothers featured don't represent all of first parents, the adoptee who made the original comments doesn't speak for all adoptees and the AP sure doesn't speak for all APs.

Lol. Another example on the social conditioning process ... "these people (biological) are virtual strangers." For some reason I though aps were the "virtual strangers."

I guess that categorizes me as a "birther" my son should "thank."

won't let me read thelink.yahoo is being wacky.