I'm Happier When My Husband Is Out of Town?

Question

I work 9-10 hours a day and I'm going to college, granted I'm only taking one class at a time so that I don't bite off more than I can chew. My husband works 6 hours a day and spends the rest of his time watching TV shows on the internet. Occasionally he'll take out the trash but I usually have to remind him. Sometimes he'll unload the dishwasher. I usually come home to dishes and empty pop cans left out. I also do the majority of caring for our daughter. Recently my husband went back to our hometown for a few weeks and I realized that I'm happier, more productive, and more motivated at work, at home, and doing schoolwork when he's not here. The house stays clean and I have less stress. I care about him and divorce is not on my radar at this time - but I just want him to move back in with his mom and give me a break. Is this really bad? Has anyone else felt this way? If so what happened in your situation - was living seperately a good thing or did it ultimately end your marriage?

Update:

I guess I wasn't very clear (I was trying not to write a book). I've talked to my husband repeatedly about how I feel I need some more support. I've tried asking him to do things around the house and he usually sighs and acts all put out - or he says he'll do it and it doesn't get done for weeks. He's been diagnosed with depression but there's only so much understanding I can dish out.

? · Accepted Answer

maybe you need to tell him these things? Tell him that you need the house cleaner. If he gets angry, then give him hell.

K8 · Answer

I can see why you're happier - with him gone you said there's less mess, but on top of that you don't have the frustration of him not helping and pulling his weight.  I'm sure you feel frustration, resentment, and a little anger towards him.

My advice - counseling.  He needs it if he is depressed and you both need it to work out the issues and feelings that have built up in your marriage.  

My husband and I have a great marriage  (23 years), but it took counseling to get us here (we did counseling about 12+ years ago).  A ton of serious and stressful stuff happened early in our marriage and we had issues and bad feelings towards each other that we could not resolve.  The counseling turned us around and we have never looked back.  Our marriage now is fun, happy, and we have strong feelings (good ones) towards each other - I adore my husband.  Our kids are teens and our family is happy and thriving.

Joan of Darkness · Answer

It's not good when your husband being gone makes you that much happier. It just shows you that having him in your life may not be the greatest thing. To be fair to him, he may not realize that he's neglecting you in so many areas. Try communicating with him

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I'm Happier When My Husband Is Out of Town?

3 Answers