is it possible to be suicidal with out knowing that i am?

could i be suicidal & not know that i am?

i love life,love my job,love my family,got friends but not ones i can actually talk to.

i will never dream of taking my life cuz i know how painful that would be for people meaning friends & family but then,if they truly love me, (why am i here asking you guys?)

because they're not really there for me,every one goes on living their lives & i can't blame them cuz that's how life works,right?

gosh! i really miss having a friend i can really talk to......

am feeling super alone,sad & depress right now.

am on meds for panic attacks & so on,the meds works really good & trust me, am not suicidal (but why i keep hoping to die because am so alone?)

why does friends & family say the word (we're here for you & love you when they really aren't?)

they're too busy living their own lives to really care,when you kill your self,they get all sad & pity & say,why she didn't talk to us? yes you do try your possible best to talk to them but they're always too busy to listen sadly,before they know it,you're long gone..............

am i suicidal?