Why doesn't my husband believe I really didn't enjoy or like cheating on him?

We are all human and there are consequences to this. One consequences is our emotional needs which must be met. Another is a difficulty in seeing the needs of those around us. I cannot give you advice for resolving your dilemma, but I will tell you that what happened and is happening to you is entirely normal. I consider you to be a normal, healthy woman who is better than the woman I had for a wife. She never forgave herself for what she did and so is not my wife anymore. I hope you are able to forgive yourself.

You're not going to convince him you didn't enjoy it because it happened. A part of you wanted to enjoy it, or you would have left the minute the ex appeared naked. This bit about not wanting to feel awkward and leaving is just BS. That's like saying you decided to be raped because the rapist had gone through all the trouble, it felt wrong to ruin his plans.

So the first thing you have to do is admit it to yourself, at the time, you THOUGHT it was going to be good, and that maybe you'd rekindle the spark that you thought was missing from your marriage. When YOU can accept that, then you have to be honest with your husband about it too.

But then, while you were doing it, you probably realized how foolish it was. You were pursuing a feeling you no longer had, and if anything, it only made you miss your husband more. You realized you had a deeper bond with him than you could ever have with someone else, and you wanted to undo everything and just go back to him the way things were. Unfortunately, you can't. You made that mistake and you have to live with it.

It's up to your husband to decide whether or not he can accept that reality and put it in the past, but you have to be honest about it.

And you're going to have to go out of your way to please him now. You owe him that. You need to give 150% to your marriage now, and let him know you are dedicated more than ever to his happiness, even if it means giving in on some things.

Otherwise, if you can't first be honest about what you wanted at the time, and dedicated to making it work now, and if he can't accept that reality, then it might have just crossed the line too far.

Good luck hon.

They stay because hope is a powerful thing and when there are two people working against her she just doesn't not realize that hope will not change the situation. 99% of the time when a man is cheating he is lying to the wife and making her believe that he loves her more than life itself and if he is caught or she suspects something is up he says and does everything her can to get her to think that her suspicions are unfounded or that the affair has ended and it did not mean anything. You are correct you are not wrecking his home, he is the one wrecking his home but you my dear are assisting and why would you want to be a part of anything so hurtful? It doesn't matter if you like her or not, it doesn't matter if their marriage is in trouble or not all that matters is that your actions are causing someone else pain. let's think of it from this angle ... on a piece of paper write "having an affair with a married man" and circle it, then draw a bunch of lines steming out from that circle and at the end of each line write the name of someone who is affected by your action. Now circle those names and draw lines out and then write the name of anyone who is negatively affected by that person because of your actions. I'll get you started (affair with married man) ----- (Wife is hurt, angry, distraught) ------ (children do not get the love and attention they would have if mom was not dealing with this pain) ------- (children grown up feeling they are not loved) ------ (children have difficulty in relationships as adult) ------- (Adult children have bad marriages that end in divorce) ------- (children from these divorces have behavior problems) ------ (other kids at school are bullied by these children) oh wait those kids being bullied are your future children/grandchildren My point is that your actions no matter how insignificant you feel they are have the potential to affect numerous people for years to come.

Time to see a marriage therapist for some serious counseling. That you went through with something that you say that you didn't want to do is disturbing. Sounds like you have a hard time being assertive and that you don't think much of yourself--those things can be fixed. However, if your husband consents to work on the marriage, it's going to take a long time to build trust. If he wants to work on the marriage, you're in for a long haul. Just don't give up. Your marriage is worth saving, but there needs to be a lot of healing. Do all you can to make things work. Divorce is hell.

You did it.

The guy didnt rape you.

You could have refused and left.

You have a brain and a mouth and could have told the bf 'no' and left.

You chose not to.

You chose to have sex with him.

How the hell can your husband trust you ever again if you just have sex with guys even though you 'don't want to'?

How would you feel if your husband said he had sex with another woman because she only had a bed as furniture? Hell, is that all you need to be unfaithful to him?

What do you expect of your husband? For him to become a saint?

He's human. You cheated. What's anyone gonna feel in those circumstances? And who cares if you enjoyed it or not anyway? Presumeably you did it expecting to enjoy it. The fact that you didnt is immaterial.

What, is your poor husband supposed to feel sorry for you????

Your husband wants, very much, to believe that you are mentally and emotionally strong enough that you would not have returned repeatedly to have sex with a man you claim you didn't want to have sex with. Despite this pain and horror .. he wants to believe that you are capable of being in charge of yourself. Because the alternative truth is that you are not mentally and emotionally strong enough to be responsible for your own actions and that YOU feel that you are not able to be in charge of what you do or what happens to you. That is a very scary place. For you and for all who love you. This is what needs to be sorted out. Please find a good licensed Psychiatrist and Get busy.

The whole, "I didn't want to but I zoned out and let it happen" bit suggests that you entertain victim mentality and may well have been in other situations not unlike this before. I believe you if you say it never happened before, but your "I let it go on again" stance screams that you need and deserve some professional counseling and sorting out the truth for you here is just too difficult to do well. You deserve good help. And clearly for your husband because you are entrenched in layers of lies. If you truly "let" it happen while treating it like a rape, you may very well FEEL raped and traumatized... but you waltzed into it like a teenage girl at a frat party with a guy she'd been chasing, rubbing against, and trying to flirt with for a year. I think you need and deserve some professional help. Your husband can not make this all okay.

"I told him I never stopped loving him, and I didn't want to do all of that with another man."

Girl you are so capable of lying to yourself, no wonder you can't see the truth in all this.

You chose to keep in contact with an old boyfriend, because he made you feel good about yourself.

You chose to get in contact with him, whewn you were fighting with your husband.

You chose to meet up with him when you went home.

You chose to lie to your husband in order to met with the boyfriend.

You chose to go to his place, and not say no when sex was on the cards.

AND YOU CHOSE to go back the next day and do it again.

YOU CHOSE WHAT HAPPENED! So what if you didn't get off? That's not what this was about anyway. You just wanted to know that someone else wanted you, so you LET this happen. Face facts girl, you KNEW this was coming for ages, and had NO INTENTION of stopping it. Don't know if it was to spite the Husband, or for the emotional kick of doing this, but you did choose it.

YOU MADE CHOICES, and are now fully responsible for the consequences.

How can you possibly say that you did not enjoy what you did with the boyfriend? YOU went to him to get what you were not getting from your husband. Therefore...you did what you wanted to do to get what you wanted to get.

If you were not raped, you allowed what happened so you were not against it. That makes you just as guilty as if you had said...come here and do this to me.

Sorry lady, but I don't blame your husband for not believing you. Life is about choices. You made yours...now live with the consequences. Beg for his forgiveness and stop acting like an immature child who must have everything her way. From beginning to end, you were wrong. People in a solid marriage don't go out to "get even" or to make their spouse jealous when problems arise. Get yourself to counseling.

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/l4PaM

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

So from what i have read i have come to the conlusion that you are a slut. I mean if you were in my house sitting on my bed and i approached you , you would just have sex with me.

Thats basically was your excuse for sleeping with your ex .

You are just an easy girl.

But i hope you work things out although if i was your husband i would have divorced by now.