What am I missing here? My actions were misconstrued, I m so sad. Being falsely accused hurts.?

I've looked through your questions. You're husband has a myriad of issues, including ADHD. Yet, you are contributing to the situation in your marriage to some degree.

This situation is a good example. You came up with what you felt was a win-win perspective. From my perspective, it's also a good idea. But to make your marriage work, what's relevant is not understanding your perspective or my perspective, it's understanding his perspective.

He wanted a gardener to trim the citrus trees. By doing it yourself, you essentially told him that he was wrong to want a gardener to do it. Offering your help as a suggestion would have improved the situation, but even there, accept that he doesn't need to go with your suggestion. A lot of people of both genders simply don't like to be wrong. I know people at work that have a plan until someone else suggests it, then they come up with another plan. Best approach with such people: offer choices. That way, you offer your input while still empowering your spouse to make the decision.

Yes, your intentions were noble, and your husband overreacted. Yet, there's often a cause for this: not feeling good enough. If you're seeing your husband for what he doesn't do, rather than what he does, he will notice this - even if you don't verbally express it often. You'd do better to practice more positive communication. Make an effort to appreciate what he does for you and for himself, even if you feel underappreciated yourself. Don't hide your concerns and feelings, but resolve to share a lot more positive words than negative. If even just your half of the communication is more positive, you'll be noticeably happier.

Now, about your situation. Don't accept that you did "everything" wrong. Instead, discuss how he would have preferred that you handled the situation, and his feelings about the route you took. Listen to him completely. Then explain your concerns about the gardener, and that you thought you came up with a win-win situation. Then, let him know that after understanding where he's coming from, you're better able to understand his reaction. Tell him it's not about being right or wrong, it's about understanding each other.

Which, by the way, is pretty much true of relationships. Often being right or wrong is far less important than really understanding each other and being able to function as a team.

Wow you put up with a lot of crap. I couldn't live with a guy like that, because I'd have chopped the trees down after being treated like the child of an emotionally abusive parent.

I can understand not wanting to do gardening, and hiring a gardener. I can even understand him thinking you were trying to make him feel guilty. Heck I've done that, "Oh you won't move the pile of bricks so I'll do it. Knowing the neighbors will be watching the little wifey doing heavy work, he'll grump and do it.

What I find offensive is the 10 min. lecture, silent treatment, and the yelling.

Well, he WAS feeling guilty because he didn't want to do it, so when he found you actually doing it, he felt even more like a jerk so he blamed it all on you.

Source: I have a husband and he did the exact same thing with a flowering cherry tree that dropped "cherries" all over the sidewalk and blocked a good part of it. You COULD have gotten a different service to do it and been very clear about what you wanted and disliked about the last ones that trimmed it.

Tell him you wanted him to do it because he does a better job and since he wouldn't you decided to do it because the Gardner butchered the tree. Then tell him that you thought you did a really good job and it hurts you that he could turn this into something ugly between you. Then walk away and leave that thought with him. It's not right the games he is trying to play with your head. stand up for yourself without raising your voice.

This fight is not about trimming the citrus trees. Your husband used the trees as an excuse to blow up. You probably are trying to keep a low profile around him as he sulks. Stop it. If he does feel guilty, then he probably should feel guilty. He treated you badly. Chances are you will not get an apology from him. Go about doing what you normally do and let him brood and sulk. When he's ready to act like a grown up, he will.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to live the rest of my life this way. But I'm less tolerant because I lived with my crazy mother and grandmother.

He knew it was his job and felt guilty, but it is always the woman fault because it is easier that way. Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin.

Are you married to a 17yr old? He sounds very immature.

Your husband just has a bad temper. You did nothing wrong. He wanted you to TAKE ORDERS rather than to discuss with him. You did nothing wrong. He has the ptroblem.